Our marriage counselor suggested in our last session that I might want to consider "moving" the old baby stuff out of Lexi's room and into the basement so that I'm not bombarded with it everyday (it was all in her huge walk in closet). Yesterday, I started the purge with DH. I had 8 totes of clothes to go through. Separating them by sleepers, dresses, sets, onesies and separates. Saving the items that brought back the most emotion and memories. I have a tote of bottles and feeding paraphernalia. I have a garbage bag of coats and snowsuits. A bag of receiving blankets and crib sheets. A bag with the original crib bedding and bumpers. A bag of socks. A bag of shoes. A tote of miscellaneous items like mobiles and stroller netting.
I have one medium sized cardboard box filled with the items I want to keep and make into a quilt. It was easy to choose the items I wanted to keep. Just seeing an outfit brought back the memories of the tiny 6lb bundle we brought home from the hospital. The little girl who was 4 weeks early and so small that she didn't fit into any of the 0-3 month clothes we had on hand. The shopping trip to get preemie and newborn sized clothing that followed her birth. The familiarness of late night TV because of the sleepless nights that followed. Those were the same nights I would gaze at her in awe as some obscure program lightened the room. I couldn't, and still can't, believe she was mine.
I was in her room until after 9pm last night. It got emotional at times. Many tears were shed for the babies that aren't here...will never be here. Going through the tiny clothes was harder than I thought it would be...but the larger sizes were easier.
This morning DH is making space in the basement that will be designated for "sell". Either via that famous "list" or garage sale. All those totes will join that space. Along with the pack n plays, high chairs and swing. And when I'm ready, pictures will be put on the "list" and an ad will go out for a garage sale.
My baby isn't a baby anymore. And I have to come to terms that there will never be another baby.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Quilt/blanket
I am going through all of Lexi's old clothes...and I mean ALL of them. I still have every piece of clothing she ever had. I'm pulling out items that trigger memories or that I particularly loved. The rest is being garage saled. But the items I'm keeping...I want to make into a blanket or quilt...does anyone know how to do this...or do you know someone that does this?
Monday, July 9, 2012
Saving
I'm having a hard time finding areas to cut back on in our life. Maybe it's me.
We had 3 cars. No car payments. 1997 Ford F-150 (DH's daily), 2005 Ford Escape (my daily and our weekender), 1991 Ford Mustang (DH's toy). Yesterday, DH sold the Mustang. It wasn't practical. We can't all fit in it, well, we can't all fit in his truck either, but that's another story. So we don't have "new" cars. My car has 120K miles on it already.
Food - I already shop at the A L D I by me for most things...the rest I get at the Wally Mart. And by rest I mean deli meat and cheese for the most part and the occasional snack food that the discount store doesn't carry. A L D I doesn't accept coupons...but I do use them at Wally's when I am buying something that I have a coupon for.
Household items - Things like toilet paper, soap, laundry detergent and the like I buy at Tarjay. I use the RedCard to get 5% off and any coupons I managed to find. My RedCard is the debit kind...not a credit card. I buy generic whenever possible.
Entertainment - We don't go out. I take that back, we do play in a FREE poker league every Tuesday. We wind up spending about $30 for dinner for the 3 of us...when we don't have a gift card. See, the 1st and 2nd place prizes are gift cards to the establishment. We usually have a gift card. When we do go see a movie, we make sure it's a matinee...we took Lexi to see Brave last Friday. We went to the 9:55am showing...the first showings of the day are usually deeply discounted. So it cost us $15. We took our own popcorn...and did buy a soda. Any other times DH and I go ourselves, which is hardly ever, we go because we have free passes. We have a zoo membership ($108 annual) that we bought last year, so we're able to go to the zoo for free.
Cell Phones - This I'm looking into. We are on the cheapest family plan right now...and we've signed up for all the "qualifiers" that get us 5% off our bill (e statements, auto debit etc). But we might be able to cut this more. Right now our bill is $150 total for both our lines.
Internet/Cable - This is the hard one. We have AT&T. We've cut our movie channels and HD service. We have basic cable. We have basic Internet (which I need to work from home). We do have a home land line and a business line I use for work. The home land line we may be able to cut...but I have to look into the bundle and make sure cutting it doesn't increase the cost of the business line. I can't cut the business line.
Clothing - DH and I wear the same clothes we've worn for the last 5 years. Lexi gets new clothes as she grows out of the ones she has (though she's still wearing some 18 month size pj's because hey, they fit). But I go to the second hand store for them. Shoes are another story. She has 3 pairs right now. Gym shoes, sandals, and a pair of "nice" shoes. But her feet grow like weeds.
What other areas am I missing? There may be things that seem obvious that I'm not thinking about...
We had 3 cars. No car payments. 1997 Ford F-150 (DH's daily), 2005 Ford Escape (my daily and our weekender), 1991 Ford Mustang (DH's toy). Yesterday, DH sold the Mustang. It wasn't practical. We can't all fit in it, well, we can't all fit in his truck either, but that's another story. So we don't have "new" cars. My car has 120K miles on it already.
Food - I already shop at the A L D I by me for most things...the rest I get at the Wally Mart. And by rest I mean deli meat and cheese for the most part and the occasional snack food that the discount store doesn't carry. A L D I doesn't accept coupons...but I do use them at Wally's when I am buying something that I have a coupon for.
Household items - Things like toilet paper, soap, laundry detergent and the like I buy at Tarjay. I use the RedCard to get 5% off and any coupons I managed to find. My RedCard is the debit kind...not a credit card. I buy generic whenever possible.
Entertainment - We don't go out. I take that back, we do play in a FREE poker league every Tuesday. We wind up spending about $30 for dinner for the 3 of us...when we don't have a gift card. See, the 1st and 2nd place prizes are gift cards to the establishment. We usually have a gift card. When we do go see a movie, we make sure it's a matinee...we took Lexi to see Brave last Friday. We went to the 9:55am showing...the first showings of the day are usually deeply discounted. So it cost us $15. We took our own popcorn...and did buy a soda. Any other times DH and I go ourselves, which is hardly ever, we go because we have free passes. We have a zoo membership ($108 annual) that we bought last year, so we're able to go to the zoo for free.
Cell Phones - This I'm looking into. We are on the cheapest family plan right now...and we've signed up for all the "qualifiers" that get us 5% off our bill (e statements, auto debit etc). But we might be able to cut this more. Right now our bill is $150 total for both our lines.
Internet/Cable - This is the hard one. We have AT&T. We've cut our movie channels and HD service. We have basic cable. We have basic Internet (which I need to work from home). We do have a home land line and a business line I use for work. The home land line we may be able to cut...but I have to look into the bundle and make sure cutting it doesn't increase the cost of the business line. I can't cut the business line.
Clothing - DH and I wear the same clothes we've worn for the last 5 years. Lexi gets new clothes as she grows out of the ones she has (though she's still wearing some 18 month size pj's because hey, they fit). But I go to the second hand store for them. Shoes are another story. She has 3 pairs right now. Gym shoes, sandals, and a pair of "nice" shoes. But her feet grow like weeds.
What other areas am I missing? There may be things that seem obvious that I'm not thinking about...
Monday, July 2, 2012
Not happening
Well, the Tarjay second job isn't going to happen. It's a 3am start time. I start work now between 7 and 8. I am not a morning person...but the biggest reason is that it would be 3-8...which means I'd be "late" for my "real" job. Not putting my "real" job in jeopardy for an $8/hour job.
So we're back to square one. We will be cutting our cable service to the very basic...I can't get rid of internet as I need it to work. I could get rid of our land line phone...but I still need the other land line for work...
Anyone have any suggestions for cost cutting?
So we're back to square one. We will be cutting our cable service to the very basic...I can't get rid of internet as I need it to work. I could get rid of our land line phone...but I still need the other land line for work...
Anyone have any suggestions for cost cutting?
Friday, June 22, 2012
A second job?
I'm sure I've mentioned that DH is out of work. Has been since December 14th. He recently had to go to the unemployment office to "reup" for the federal extension of his benefits. I can't believe he's been out of work for 6 months already. We have 6 months of benefits left. And I feel the clock ticking...if the last 6 months have gone by as quickly as they did, I can only imagine how the next 6 will fly by.
Things have been ok for us financially, but that's about to change. See, the beginning of the year brings tax refunds and bonuses. Which were used to help pay the expenses. That money is pretty much gone now...along with what little savings we had. Things are about to become tighter than we'd like. Don't get me wrong, we don't buy frivulously...the playset and pool for Lexi were thouroughly researched. The playset was a steal find on Craigslist...and the pool...well, we were planning on putting her in swim lessons. It was budgeted for. Once a week for 8 weeks...the cost was $65. $65 for 360 minutes of swim time. The pool cost us $150...well about $250 once you add in chemicals and hoses and other necessary items to keep said pool clean and bacteria free. $250 for unlimited pool enjoyment. $185 more than we planned to spend. But we knew it was a better "spend" in the long run than the lessons that were really glorified play time. Plus DH and I could enjoy it as well.
Anyway, back on track...things are about to become much tighter. On a whim, I applied online on Wednesday to the red bullet store. They called me yesterday. I called back this morning and they want to setup an interview with me.
I don't know yet how I really feel about working a full time job, and a part time job together, while DH doesn't work. He IS trying. He's had a few possibilities...but they are either full time jobs making way less than he is getting in unemployment (which means we wouldn't make ends meet) or they are part time positions making just over the minimum amount allowed by unemployment to keep his benefits. I work my full time job until 4:30 or 5ish from home. I put on the application that I could work 6-10pm on weeknights and anytime on weekends, but that I was looking for only about 15-20 hours a week. I want what is best for our family. The extra money would help...as would the associate discount! But I'm conflicted. Thoughts?
Things have been ok for us financially, but that's about to change. See, the beginning of the year brings tax refunds and bonuses. Which were used to help pay the expenses. That money is pretty much gone now...along with what little savings we had. Things are about to become tighter than we'd like. Don't get me wrong, we don't buy frivulously...the playset and pool for Lexi were thouroughly researched. The playset was a steal find on Craigslist...and the pool...well, we were planning on putting her in swim lessons. It was budgeted for. Once a week for 8 weeks...the cost was $65. $65 for 360 minutes of swim time. The pool cost us $150...well about $250 once you add in chemicals and hoses and other necessary items to keep said pool clean and bacteria free. $250 for unlimited pool enjoyment. $185 more than we planned to spend. But we knew it was a better "spend" in the long run than the lessons that were really glorified play time. Plus DH and I could enjoy it as well.
Anyway, back on track...things are about to become much tighter. On a whim, I applied online on Wednesday to the red bullet store. They called me yesterday. I called back this morning and they want to setup an interview with me.
I don't know yet how I really feel about working a full time job, and a part time job together, while DH doesn't work. He IS trying. He's had a few possibilities...but they are either full time jobs making way less than he is getting in unemployment (which means we wouldn't make ends meet) or they are part time positions making just over the minimum amount allowed by unemployment to keep his benefits. I work my full time job until 4:30 or 5ish from home. I put on the application that I could work 6-10pm on weeknights and anytime on weekends, but that I was looking for only about 15-20 hours a week. I want what is best for our family. The extra money would help...as would the associate discount! But I'm conflicted. Thoughts?
Monday, June 11, 2012
Happy 1st Birthday Little One
Dear Baby,
You should be turning one year old this week.
You should be playing in the pool with your big sister.
You should be starting to walk and babble.
You should be smiling a not so gummy smile.
We should be planning a party for you.
I should be ordering a cake.
But none of these things are happening.
I fear that I'm the only one thinking of you, and wishing you were here.
Mommy loves you little one.
Happy 1st Birthday...whereever you are.
You should be turning one year old this week.
You should be playing in the pool with your big sister.
You should be starting to walk and babble.
You should be smiling a not so gummy smile.
We should be planning a party for you.
I should be ordering a cake.
But none of these things are happening.
I fear that I'm the only one thinking of you, and wishing you were here.
Mommy loves you little one.
Happy 1st Birthday...whereever you are.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Where she asks "the" question.
Lexi has been very inquisitive lately...asking lots of questions. Which is fine. Until one caught me off guard.
She asked me when she was going to get a brother or sister.
I had to fight to keep my composure as I told her that I didn't know as I tried to distract her with other things. 10 minutes later I was able to retreat into my bedroom and let the tears flow. This was the question I had been dreading. She LOVES playing with other kids and is ENTRANCED with babies. It breaks my heart even more knowing I can't give her this. Not because I don't want to...but because my body betrays me.
She asked me when she was going to get a brother or sister.
I had to fight to keep my composure as I told her that I didn't know as I tried to distract her with other things. 10 minutes later I was able to retreat into my bedroom and let the tears flow. This was the question I had been dreading. She LOVES playing with other kids and is ENTRANCED with babies. It breaks my heart even more knowing I can't give her this. Not because I don't want to...but because my body betrays me.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
What we've been up to
- Mother's Day was nice. I had breakfast in bed, courtesy of DH and Lexi. We did dinner with our parents at our favorite BBQ joint named after a Famous Man.
- We bought a pool. Our HOA doesn't allow for permanent above ground pools, so we bought one of those Summer Escapes metal frame ones that comes down each year. We put it on the side of the house behind the garage. There was no grass there anyway, and it was the most level spot.
- Lexi has already been in said pool, despite the water being ice cold
- We are fostering a dog. Our local Humane Society put a call out to their FB fans looking for a foster home for an Australian Shepherd that was in a kill shelter in Southern IL. The Humane Society wanted to save him, but had no room for him. Plus, he's heartworm positive. So we offiered. I couldn't have lived with myself knowing a poor animal would be killed and I had means to help.
- This dog is AWESOME. His name is Sammy and he's SO good. He gets along with my 2 other dogs, and is GREAT with Lexi. He listens well and hasn't gotten into any trouble (yet). Plus, he's beautiful!
- I wish we could keep him...but DH is adamant that we can't have 3 dogs permenantly in our home.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Making new friends
I need some advice...how do you go about making new friends?
My DH and I have always been involved in a large social circle...the problem is, no one in that social circle has children. And apart from one couple, our relationships have become quite strained. We aren't able to go out on a moments notice...and when we do take Lexi with us, we call it an early night to get her to bed at a reasonable time. These aren't bad people...they just can't empathize with our situation since they do not have kids.
DH and I talked about needing to find friends that have kids, or more friends like the one couple...who take Lexi into consideration when maiking plans with us. I'm not saying everyone has to bend to our wishes...but having someone who understands that you can't call me at 7pm and want to meet up at 8pm. But we're at a loss for how to do that.
Lexi is in daycare only one day a week...so we don't meet the other parents. She's in ice skating...but DH takes her. I work full time from home. I've tried joining Moms groups...but they all meet during the day, and I'm working.
We do hopefully have one prospect...we ran into a guy we play poker with. He was with his wife and 4 year old daughter. The girls hit it off immediately, playing all over the seasonal department in Wallymart. His wife was really nice as well, and we got along. We exchanged phone numbers in the hopes to setup playdates for the girls. Now I'm faced with: how soon is too soon to ask for a playdate? Lexi asked about her new friend Zoe today and wanted to go see her.
My child is starving for more childhood friends...just like her momma is starving for more momma friends. Here...where I live. I know I have all my bloggy friends...and I wish you all lived closer. Just feeling ho hum today I guess.
My DH and I have always been involved in a large social circle...the problem is, no one in that social circle has children. And apart from one couple, our relationships have become quite strained. We aren't able to go out on a moments notice...and when we do take Lexi with us, we call it an early night to get her to bed at a reasonable time. These aren't bad people...they just can't empathize with our situation since they do not have kids.
DH and I talked about needing to find friends that have kids, or more friends like the one couple...who take Lexi into consideration when maiking plans with us. I'm not saying everyone has to bend to our wishes...but having someone who understands that you can't call me at 7pm and want to meet up at 8pm. But we're at a loss for how to do that.
Lexi is in daycare only one day a week...so we don't meet the other parents. She's in ice skating...but DH takes her. I work full time from home. I've tried joining Moms groups...but they all meet during the day, and I'm working.
We do hopefully have one prospect...we ran into a guy we play poker with. He was with his wife and 4 year old daughter. The girls hit it off immediately, playing all over the seasonal department in Wallymart. His wife was really nice as well, and we got along. We exchanged phone numbers in the hopes to setup playdates for the girls. Now I'm faced with: how soon is too soon to ask for a playdate? Lexi asked about her new friend Zoe today and wanted to go see her.
My child is starving for more childhood friends...just like her momma is starving for more momma friends. Here...where I live. I know I have all my bloggy friends...and I wish you all lived closer. Just feeling ho hum today I guess.
Friday, May 4, 2012
PreSchool
Lexi had her PreSchool screening this morning for our district preschool. There are many private preschools in the area, but only one of the public district's schools offers a preschool program. Our reasons for wanting to send her to the public school range from getting the most from our tax dollars to having her start school in the same building that she would attend K-3 in to it being one of the better programs in the area.
She scored at age appropriate and qualified for the community program (what we hoped for). Since we originally started this process in January 2011, I'm hoping that we'll be lucky enough to get a morning session spot (8:35am - 11:05am) since she naps from 1:30 - 3:30 most days and afternoon session is 12:35pm - 3:05pm. She will go Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays.
I can't believe we're at a point already of determining schools. Now we have to determine if we want to keep her in her daycare on Mondays or figure out another arrangement.
She scored at age appropriate and qualified for the community program (what we hoped for). Since we originally started this process in January 2011, I'm hoping that we'll be lucky enough to get a morning session spot (8:35am - 11:05am) since she naps from 1:30 - 3:30 most days and afternoon session is 12:35pm - 3:05pm. She will go Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays.
I can't believe we're at a point already of determining schools. Now we have to determine if we want to keep her in her daycare on Mondays or figure out another arrangement.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
3 year well visit
More for my sake than anyone else's.
Lexi had her 3 year well visit yesterday:
Height: 37 inches (45th percentile)
Weight 28lbs 6oz (20th percentile)
Pedi is not worried about her itty bittiness (seriously...she is wearing size 18 months shorts from last summer) but to make sure her diet is quality...not quantity. Which we knew already. No shots given (yay!).
After the pedi visit we stopped at a used sporting goods store and bought Lexi a pair of ice skates. We then went to open skate at our local ice arena where she skated for the whole 90 minutes of open skate. If you know me on FB...you've seen the video...but I'll post photos as soon as I can get the camera cord.
Lexi had her 3 year well visit yesterday:
Height: 37 inches (45th percentile)
Weight 28lbs 6oz (20th percentile)
Pedi is not worried about her itty bittiness (seriously...she is wearing size 18 months shorts from last summer) but to make sure her diet is quality...not quantity. Which we knew already. No shots given (yay!).
After the pedi visit we stopped at a used sporting goods store and bought Lexi a pair of ice skates. We then went to open skate at our local ice arena where she skated for the whole 90 minutes of open skate. If you know me on FB...you've seen the video...but I'll post photos as soon as I can get the camera cord.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Allowances for toddlers?
Lexi has chores that she has to do mostly on a daily basis. Some of them are "expected" things...like putting her clothes in her hamper, brushing her teeth, and throwing her garbage in the can. But she also does things that aren't "expected"...like feeding the dogs, helping unload the dishwasher, and helping with laundry.
Today, I asked her to feed the dogs. She did so...with only my verbal guidance on the steps. I gave her 2 quarters afterwards and told her that this was her "payment" for doing her job. She was so happy to get those quarters (she uses quarters when we go to the mall to ride in those little rides they have) and immediately put them in her "purse".
My question is...do you think it's too early to introduce an allowance? I mean, she is only 3...but then again, I don't think that it's ever too early to teach a child the value of money. What are your experiences/thoughts on the subject?
Today, I asked her to feed the dogs. She did so...with only my verbal guidance on the steps. I gave her 2 quarters afterwards and told her that this was her "payment" for doing her job. She was so happy to get those quarters (she uses quarters when we go to the mall to ride in those little rides they have) and immediately put them in her "purse".
My question is...do you think it's too early to introduce an allowance? I mean, she is only 3...but then again, I don't think that it's ever too early to teach a child the value of money. What are your experiences/thoughts on the subject?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Happy Birthday Baby!
Dearest Lexi,
Happy 3rd Birthday sweetheart! You are definitely not a baby anymore...and you tell us almost everyday! At 3 years old you are:
Potty Trained! Yep...I never would have believed that potty training would be so easy...but when we decided to go for it, you were 100% on board and ready. You had one accident that first Saturday and 2 at school that first Monday and that's all. No daytime accidents since the beginning of February. And for the last 3 weeks, you've woken up dry every morning and from every nap. It's almost like you were waiting for Mommy to get with the program. We've given JP (your neighbor friend) all the rest of your Pull Ups and diapers...so there are no more left in the house. It still amazes me every day to see you picking out your big girl underwear from your dresser to put on.
You can mainly dress yourself. You pick your underwear and shirts, while Mommy usually picks your bottoms...though that's only because the weather has been wacky and I want to make sure you wear weather appropriate clothes. You can get your pants on by yourself...but still have trouble with your shirts. Socks you always ask for help with, but I think that's laziness on your part and not lack of skill. You zip your zippers and can almost get the snaps...buttons we're still working on. Shoes are easy for you. Though the lack of laces or buckles helps.
Your hair is amazingly long. The curls make it look shorter than it actually is. We only ever get to see how long it really is during your bath while it's wet. It comes down to your butt! But when dry, it's just past your shoulders. It's staying blond for now...and I know it will get lighter with the sun...so I'm happy about that. It suits you.
Your vocabulary has exploded. You are a chatterbox and will hold entire conversations with us. I love when you say things are "delicious" and "tasty" though the word "disgusting" sounds hilarious coming out of your little mouth. You pick up everything we say and understand more than we know.
You know left from right...all your ABC's...can count to 25...know all your body parts (yes, even those down yonder)...but colors seem to give you difficulty. If I ask you to point to the "yellow" car you will. But if I ask you what color car is in my hand you will always say "green". You can match your colors, but not tell me what colors they are. We will have to keep working on that. You know your first and last name, your birthday and the street you live on. You sometimes forget which number house, but we're just getting started on that. You know Mommy's name and Daddy's name...as well as Grandma and Grandpa's. Basia and JaJa's names are still giving you pause...most likely because they are longer ethnic names.
You love crafting. You have a box full of markers, crayons, colored pencils, scissors, glue, foam stickers as well as a folder full of construction paper. You love making maps and pictures for everyone. I have a whole box full of your art projects from school, so I tend to give away some of the home art projects to family.
Speaking of school...you love going to "school" (daycare) every Monday. You speak highly of playing with your friends and teachers. I'm hoping this fondness will carry over to preschool this fall!
You are so lovable. Your hugs and kisses are sweet and your laughter infectious. You love to be my "helper" with whatever it is I'm doing at the moment. And I try to oblige by letting you help. You feed the dogs, and water the plants.
Your manners are also something I'm really proud of. You regularly use "please" and "thank-you"...even to strangers. "Excuse me" is a norm when you burp or fart...though that's usually followed by a burst of giggles. You are willing to share with others...and call people by "Mister (insert name) or Missus (insert name)".
Everybody loves you, Lexi. But no one more than Mommy. There is a reason you don't go to bed without hearing me tell you "I Love You" every nap or bedtime. I want you to know how much you are loved. I want you to feel it, in my actions, and I want you to hear it. I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel...especially expressing how much you love someone. So I tell you...all the time. And it melts my heart to have you run up to me and say "Oh Mommy, I missed you so much today. I love you".
I love you more and more each day.
Love,
Mommy
Happy 3rd Birthday sweetheart! You are definitely not a baby anymore...and you tell us almost everyday! At 3 years old you are:
Potty Trained! Yep...I never would have believed that potty training would be so easy...but when we decided to go for it, you were 100% on board and ready. You had one accident that first Saturday and 2 at school that first Monday and that's all. No daytime accidents since the beginning of February. And for the last 3 weeks, you've woken up dry every morning and from every nap. It's almost like you were waiting for Mommy to get with the program. We've given JP (your neighbor friend) all the rest of your Pull Ups and diapers...so there are no more left in the house. It still amazes me every day to see you picking out your big girl underwear from your dresser to put on.
You can mainly dress yourself. You pick your underwear and shirts, while Mommy usually picks your bottoms...though that's only because the weather has been wacky and I want to make sure you wear weather appropriate clothes. You can get your pants on by yourself...but still have trouble with your shirts. Socks you always ask for help with, but I think that's laziness on your part and not lack of skill. You zip your zippers and can almost get the snaps...buttons we're still working on. Shoes are easy for you. Though the lack of laces or buckles helps.
Your hair is amazingly long. The curls make it look shorter than it actually is. We only ever get to see how long it really is during your bath while it's wet. It comes down to your butt! But when dry, it's just past your shoulders. It's staying blond for now...and I know it will get lighter with the sun...so I'm happy about that. It suits you.
Your vocabulary has exploded. You are a chatterbox and will hold entire conversations with us. I love when you say things are "delicious" and "tasty" though the word "disgusting" sounds hilarious coming out of your little mouth. You pick up everything we say and understand more than we know.
You know left from right...all your ABC's...can count to 25...know all your body parts (yes, even those down yonder)...but colors seem to give you difficulty. If I ask you to point to the "yellow" car you will. But if I ask you what color car is in my hand you will always say "green". You can match your colors, but not tell me what colors they are. We will have to keep working on that. You know your first and last name, your birthday and the street you live on. You sometimes forget which number house, but we're just getting started on that. You know Mommy's name and Daddy's name...as well as Grandma and Grandpa's. Basia and JaJa's names are still giving you pause...most likely because they are longer ethnic names.
You love crafting. You have a box full of markers, crayons, colored pencils, scissors, glue, foam stickers as well as a folder full of construction paper. You love making maps and pictures for everyone. I have a whole box full of your art projects from school, so I tend to give away some of the home art projects to family.
Speaking of school...you love going to "school" (daycare) every Monday. You speak highly of playing with your friends and teachers. I'm hoping this fondness will carry over to preschool this fall!
You are so lovable. Your hugs and kisses are sweet and your laughter infectious. You love to be my "helper" with whatever it is I'm doing at the moment. And I try to oblige by letting you help. You feed the dogs, and water the plants.
Your manners are also something I'm really proud of. You regularly use "please" and "thank-you"...even to strangers. "Excuse me" is a norm when you burp or fart...though that's usually followed by a burst of giggles. You are willing to share with others...and call people by "Mister (insert name) or Missus (insert name)".
Everybody loves you, Lexi. But no one more than Mommy. There is a reason you don't go to bed without hearing me tell you "I Love You" every nap or bedtime. I want you to know how much you are loved. I want you to feel it, in my actions, and I want you to hear it. I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel...especially expressing how much you love someone. So I tell you...all the time. And it melts my heart to have you run up to me and say "Oh Mommy, I missed you so much today. I love you".
I love you more and more each day.
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Mind dump
- Please don't misconstue my previous post as a plea for comments. I'm very content with what I get...I would love to find new people to read...and commenters are usually where I start...but I am content. As I said, I write for me...and for Lexi.
- It's been really warm here the last 5 days. Hitting records warm. We've been trying to take advantage of it. We took Lexi to the zoo on Saturday and spent the day outside almost every other day this week. Going to playgrounds, the park district pool etc.
- Yesterday I trimmed back the spireas we have in the front of our house. My arms are all scratched up from the branches...and I have mosquito bites. In March. Wow.
- Lexi had her 3 year old pictures taken on Friday...as well as her Easter ones. I left the CD at my in-laws...so I will post some later.
- Both dogs got baths on Friday night. I took them to a self service pet wash one at a time. They were filthy...and smelly. Now they are soft and don't smell of mud and other things that are in the lawn.
- Lexi is signed up for a tumbling class and ice skating class in the next few weeks. She's so excited about the ice skating class...I couldn't enroll her before because she wasn't potty trained.
- With this warmer weather we've been having I've had to pull out some of Lexi's shorts from last summer. One pair of capri's fits her perfectly...they are size 18 months. Yes, my almost 3 year old is wearing 18 month shorts and capris...and 4T shirts
- I ordered a birthday shirt from Etsy for her. It should come in the mail this week as it was shipped on Thursday. I will post photos as well as the shop owner's link once I get the shirt. I'm so excited!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
My thoughts on the recent upheaval
There has been alot of talk going on in the blogging community about inculsion/exclusion and blogrolls and such. And I wanted to throw my two cents out there.
I blog for me. I started this blog almost 5 years ago as a way to vent my frustrations with our struggles...a way to document everything that we went through. I have been a TTC blogger...a pregnancy blogger...a parenting blogger (I cringe at the term mommy blogger)...a pregnancy loss blogger. I've moved in and out of these topics here...I haven't deviated from this space except for one situation which I didn't think my daughter needed to read about later in life. See, this blog was also meant for her. Or, for whatever future children I had, if any. It was meant as a way for my children to understand why their mom was crazy protective of them...why they never went to bed without saying I love you. I had hoped that one day, I could pass this link on to them, and they could read what my life was like before them. While I was pregnant with them. While they were babies. Etc, Etc, Etc.
While doing this, I found some really wonderful people who were at the same stage I was. Most of the people I still follow have children who were born right around the time my daughter was...and some have just had recent additions. Most of the people I follow, I now know on other social media sites as well. I talk to them on Facebook, or via email, or via Google Talk. They are people that I've never met in person...but who I consider my friends. Who I cry with, marvel with...I'm happy when they have momentous moments...and feel their frustrations when things don't pan out they way they'd hoped. These blogs I comment freely on.
But there are also the people that I follow that haven't had their miracle yet. That don't know if they will ever have their miracle. I cry with them and feel their sadness through their words. I can empathize with them, because I know how it feels to want something so badly, and not know if you will ever get there. But I will be honest and say that I don't comment as freely. And it hurts my heart to admit that. To know that these are the people who might need support more than ever, and not feel like I can freely tell them that I feel their pain. Because I have my miracle. I have what they are trying for...or what they lost.
I don't participate in things like ICLW or NaBloMoPo because I don't want someone who is hurting to come across my blog ranting about the pains of potty training or the woes of a toddler that doesn't want to eat and feel more pain. Perhaps that is a judgement on my part...that they wouldn't want to read my ranting...but I know I didn't want to read about that before I had my daughter. So I choose to exclude myself from those activities...and by doing so, I lose the possibility of finding NEW readers who are in the same place as me...of discovering NEW friends.
So I find myself wondering sometimes why I continue to post here. I don't receive but maybe 1 or 2 comments per post...if I'm lucky. But then I look at my daughter and realize that I post here for her. So she has a history of her life from her mom's perspective. So she can look back when she's a mom herself, or when I'm gone, and know that she's not alone...that her mom loves her more than anything and chose to put it out for all the world to see. To shout from the pages of this blog that she is important. I blog for her. I blog for me.
I blog for me. I started this blog almost 5 years ago as a way to vent my frustrations with our struggles...a way to document everything that we went through. I have been a TTC blogger...a pregnancy blogger...a parenting blogger (I cringe at the term mommy blogger)...a pregnancy loss blogger. I've moved in and out of these topics here...I haven't deviated from this space except for one situation which I didn't think my daughter needed to read about later in life. See, this blog was also meant for her. Or, for whatever future children I had, if any. It was meant as a way for my children to understand why their mom was crazy protective of them...why they never went to bed without saying I love you. I had hoped that one day, I could pass this link on to them, and they could read what my life was like before them. While I was pregnant with them. While they were babies. Etc, Etc, Etc.
While doing this, I found some really wonderful people who were at the same stage I was. Most of the people I still follow have children who were born right around the time my daughter was...and some have just had recent additions. Most of the people I follow, I now know on other social media sites as well. I talk to them on Facebook, or via email, or via Google Talk. They are people that I've never met in person...but who I consider my friends. Who I cry with, marvel with...I'm happy when they have momentous moments...and feel their frustrations when things don't pan out they way they'd hoped. These blogs I comment freely on.
But there are also the people that I follow that haven't had their miracle yet. That don't know if they will ever have their miracle. I cry with them and feel their sadness through their words. I can empathize with them, because I know how it feels to want something so badly, and not know if you will ever get there. But I will be honest and say that I don't comment as freely. And it hurts my heart to admit that. To know that these are the people who might need support more than ever, and not feel like I can freely tell them that I feel their pain. Because I have my miracle. I have what they are trying for...or what they lost.
I don't participate in things like ICLW or NaBloMoPo because I don't want someone who is hurting to come across my blog ranting about the pains of potty training or the woes of a toddler that doesn't want to eat and feel more pain. Perhaps that is a judgement on my part...that they wouldn't want to read my ranting...but I know I didn't want to read about that before I had my daughter. So I choose to exclude myself from those activities...and by doing so, I lose the possibility of finding NEW readers who are in the same place as me...of discovering NEW friends.
So I find myself wondering sometimes why I continue to post here. I don't receive but maybe 1 or 2 comments per post...if I'm lucky. But then I look at my daughter and realize that I post here for her. So she has a history of her life from her mom's perspective. So she can look back when she's a mom herself, or when I'm gone, and know that she's not alone...that her mom loves her more than anything and chose to put it out for all the world to see. To shout from the pages of this blog that she is important. I blog for her. I blog for me.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Food explosion
I wanted to capture this last week...as Lexi seems to have had an epiphany...that there is more food out there than mac n cheese. In this past week she's had:
Meatballs with her spaghetti (could NEVER even THINK of putting a meatball on her plate)
Garlic bread
Fish sticks (specifically requested by her)
Fried calamari (yes, I know, fried foods aren't great for a toddler, but you don't realize how little she eats...so the fact she ate this is a feat)
Fried broccoli
Steak
about a pound of steamed broccoli
Sweet potato tater tots
Lettuce with ranch dressing
chicken wing
We've eaten out alot this past week...mostly because we were sick over the weekend and didn't grocery shop. Normally all she wants is mac n cheese. But she's trying new things...which I'm so happy about. We would always offer her whatever we had on our plates, but she always fought it. Now, we can't keep her hands off our plates. You have no idea how happy this makes me.
**Lexi is only 27 pounds at 5 weeks shy of 3 years old. She's not underweight by any means...but she's at the low end of the growth curve for her height of over 36 inches. She needs size 3T length in jeans...but they literally fall off her. I buy the adjustable waist, and cinch them all the way to the last button holes. Even then they are big...but at least they don't fall down. And now, since she doesn't wear training pants or a diaper, they are even bigger. She needs suspenders!
I'm hoping this new found love of food adds a pound or two to her tiny frame!
Meatballs with her spaghetti (could NEVER even THINK of putting a meatball on her plate)
Garlic bread
Fish sticks (specifically requested by her)
Fried calamari (yes, I know, fried foods aren't great for a toddler, but you don't realize how little she eats...so the fact she ate this is a feat)
Fried broccoli
Steak
about a pound of steamed broccoli
Sweet potato tater tots
Lettuce with ranch dressing
chicken wing
We've eaten out alot this past week...mostly because we were sick over the weekend and didn't grocery shop. Normally all she wants is mac n cheese. But she's trying new things...which I'm so happy about. We would always offer her whatever we had on our plates, but she always fought it. Now, we can't keep her hands off our plates. You have no idea how happy this makes me.
**Lexi is only 27 pounds at 5 weeks shy of 3 years old. She's not underweight by any means...but she's at the low end of the growth curve for her height of over 36 inches. She needs size 3T length in jeans...but they literally fall off her. I buy the adjustable waist, and cinch them all the way to the last button holes. Even then they are big...but at least they don't fall down. And now, since she doesn't wear training pants or a diaper, they are even bigger. She needs suspenders!
I'm hoping this new found love of food adds a pound or two to her tiny frame!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Countdown to 3
I can't believe a month went by without so much as another post from me. So much for keeping up with things.
I'm calling it. Lexi is potty trained. She hasn't had a day time accident since that first weekend we started the "hard core" training...almost 4 weeks ago...she wakes from nap times dry and most mornings are dry as well. Though we've still been having her wear a pull up over her undies to bed at night. We call them her "just in case" undies. And she knows that she's not to just go in them...that they are there in case she doesn't wake up or doesn't make it to the potty in time in the middle of the night. She's not even wearing the thicker training pants anymore...preferring the normal underwear...it's still amazing to me to see those tiny undies in the wash! I'm so unbelievably proud of her...and grateful that this was "easy" for her.
We're also in the middle of planning her 3rd birthday party. OMG! Where has 3 years gone?? We're most likely doing 2 parties...one "kid" party and one family party. The kid party is going to be her cousins and maybe the girls next door. Lexi chose a pool party at the indoor pool nearby. It's fairly inexpensive and they do structured activities with the kids in the shallow end of the pool (2ft)...plus provide pizza and pop. So I don't have to worry about 8 kids running around my house. Then we'll do a family dinner...both grandparents and her auntie who is coming in from VA. Nice and laid back.
I have to say...I'm missing her babyhood a little. She's so independent and opinionated (like me!). She's spunky and bright. We take her to our poker league and everyone just eats her up. And she loves the attention. She's so well behaved that I have to remind myself sometimes that she is only 2...especially when she does 2 year old things (like draw on her face with markers...if you know me on FB you saw it!). She is very mature for her age and I keep waiting for the terrible 2s or even the torturous 3s. But she's patient and willing to compromise like no other toddler I know. I know how lucky I am...and I thank the good Lord above everyday for blessing me with the miracle that is Lexi.
I'm calling it. Lexi is potty trained. She hasn't had a day time accident since that first weekend we started the "hard core" training...almost 4 weeks ago...she wakes from nap times dry and most mornings are dry as well. Though we've still been having her wear a pull up over her undies to bed at night. We call them her "just in case" undies. And she knows that she's not to just go in them...that they are there in case she doesn't wake up or doesn't make it to the potty in time in the middle of the night. She's not even wearing the thicker training pants anymore...preferring the normal underwear...it's still amazing to me to see those tiny undies in the wash! I'm so unbelievably proud of her...and grateful that this was "easy" for her.
We're also in the middle of planning her 3rd birthday party. OMG! Where has 3 years gone?? We're most likely doing 2 parties...one "kid" party and one family party. The kid party is going to be her cousins and maybe the girls next door. Lexi chose a pool party at the indoor pool nearby. It's fairly inexpensive and they do structured activities with the kids in the shallow end of the pool (2ft)...plus provide pizza and pop. So I don't have to worry about 8 kids running around my house. Then we'll do a family dinner...both grandparents and her auntie who is coming in from VA. Nice and laid back.
I have to say...I'm missing her babyhood a little. She's so independent and opinionated (like me!). She's spunky and bright. We take her to our poker league and everyone just eats her up. And she loves the attention. She's so well behaved that I have to remind myself sometimes that she is only 2...especially when she does 2 year old things (like draw on her face with markers...if you know me on FB you saw it!). She is very mature for her age and I keep waiting for the terrible 2s or even the torturous 3s. But she's patient and willing to compromise like no other toddler I know. I know how lucky I am...and I thank the good Lord above everyday for blessing me with the miracle that is Lexi.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Potty Training
We've never really pushed Lexi to potty train. The potty was introduced to her at about 18 months old. She'd sit on it and read her books...but we never forced the issue. About a month or so ago, she became #2 trained. She would always make poo poo on the potty...either because she asked to go, or we caught her with "the look" and got her on the potty in time. It's been quite awhile since we've dealt with a dirty diaper. But still, we never pushed her to use it. Over the last few weeks, however, we've seen some signs that maybe she was ready for a "push".
On Saturday morning I decided to go for it. Hard core. No more diapers. She stayed dry all day...and made potty in the potty. She had an accident about 7pm...and was quite upset about it. Yesterday, same thing. Dry all day. She refused to put a pull up on last night. She wanted her "big girl underwear". I didn't want to confuse her, so I let her wear her underwear to bed, fully expecting to be woken up at 2am when she was wet. She woke up at 8am...completely dry.
She's at school today. And I took 3 extra pairs of underwear and pants and socks...just in case. We'll see how well she does. But I'm in shock. ONE accident...in 2 full days. And we even went out to a few stores on Saturday. Makes me feel a little bad...that maybe she was ready all along and just waiting for me to "be ready" for this grow up stage. I do feel a little sad that she's growing up...and so fast...but I will NOT miss buying diapers.
One question I do have for everyone...how does your little one get up on the potty? We haven't been able to find a stepstool that is the "perfect" height. One is too tall and one is too small.
On Saturday morning I decided to go for it. Hard core. No more diapers. She stayed dry all day...and made potty in the potty. She had an accident about 7pm...and was quite upset about it. Yesterday, same thing. Dry all day. She refused to put a pull up on last night. She wanted her "big girl underwear". I didn't want to confuse her, so I let her wear her underwear to bed, fully expecting to be woken up at 2am when she was wet. She woke up at 8am...completely dry.
She's at school today. And I took 3 extra pairs of underwear and pants and socks...just in case. We'll see how well she does. But I'm in shock. ONE accident...in 2 full days. And we even went out to a few stores on Saturday. Makes me feel a little bad...that maybe she was ready all along and just waiting for me to "be ready" for this grow up stage. I do feel a little sad that she's growing up...and so fast...but I will NOT miss buying diapers.
One question I do have for everyone...how does your little one get up on the potty? We haven't been able to find a stepstool that is the "perfect" height. One is too tall and one is too small.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
The Wonder of Disney
After having slept yesterday until 10am, and napping for 2 hours in the afternoon...the fever was pretty much gone. She still had a cough...but we made the decision to take Lexi to Disney On Ice's Dare to Dream last night. We had been talking to her about it for days, and she was so excited about it, we couldn't bear to break her heart. And it was a good decision. We packed her up, grabbing her princess dress and crown at the last minute, and drove the hour into the city. Once we got there and got inside, I pulled out her dress and crown and put it on her. OMG I'm so glad I did. Everywhere you looked, little girls were dressed as Rapunzel, Cinderella, Snow White, Tiana etc. I would have had an upset little girl had I not thought to grab her stuff...and I almost didn't. Didn't want to carry any "extras", but figured it fit in my bag, so I might as well.
Let me tell you...the show itself was great. We were 13 rows back from the ice, so we had an unobstructed view. Well, DH and I did. We did buy Lexi her own seat, but a tall adult sat in front of her, so she ended up sitting on one of our laps for the whole show, and using her seat for coats. I don't know if anyone has ever gone to a show before, but Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Pluto start things off...and when she saw Mickey skate out on the ice, her little face crumpled and tears came to her eyes. I thought she was scared, and I asked her if she was scared or sad...she said "No mommy, I very very happy". Well, that just brought tears to MY eyes.
She watched the whole show. And I watched her watch. She was mesmerized. I don't think she closed her mouth the whole time. She ended up sleeping in her Cinderella dress last night, and woke up this morning in a very good mood...and feeling much better than she has in days.
Here are some photos:
Let me tell you...the show itself was great. We were 13 rows back from the ice, so we had an unobstructed view. Well, DH and I did. We did buy Lexi her own seat, but a tall adult sat in front of her, so she ended up sitting on one of our laps for the whole show, and using her seat for coats. I don't know if anyone has ever gone to a show before, but Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Pluto start things off...and when she saw Mickey skate out on the ice, her little face crumpled and tears came to her eyes. I thought she was scared, and I asked her if she was scared or sad...she said "No mommy, I very very happy". Well, that just brought tears to MY eyes.
She watched the whole show. And I watched her watch. She was mesmerized. I don't think she closed her mouth the whole time. She ended up sleeping in her Cinderella dress last night, and woke up this morning in a very good mood...and feeling much better than she has in days.
Here are some photos:
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| Mickey, Minnie and Pluto at the start of the show |
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| Tiana and her Frog Prince Nuveen |
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| Cinderella |
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| During intermission...yes, we bought a Cinderella doll. |
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| Flynn Rider and Rapunzel and a lucky guest release a lantern |
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| Belle and "the Beast" |
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| This was at the start of the show. |
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| You can't see, but her mouth is open. She was like this the whole time. |
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Sick
Lexi is sick. Has been since Sunday. Fever, cough...the poor child is just miserable. We went to the pedi yesterday...her lungs are clear, no ear infection. Just a really bad cold. Tylen0l for the fever, clear fluids. We have tickets tonight for Disney on Ice. She has been looking forward to going. The pedi said he doesn't see why she can't go. So we'll see. Right now, she's resting with Daddy...having slept until 10am this morning. (She was up twice last night...once at 12:45 and again at 6am).
Monday, January 30, 2012
What's next?
I have no clue. We knew this was going to be our last insurance covered cycle. We knew that. But the possiblity that we wouldn't have ANY embryos to transfer never entered my mind. Sure, we've had crappy fertilization in the past...but I never thought I'd be faced with another cycle with no embryos (our very 1st cycle back in 2007 resulted in the same).
So now I'm faced with feeling like I'm not ready to give up...with the very real notion that I may have to. The RE seems to think the problem lies with DH's sperm. They ICSI'd the 10 mature eggs that they got. My eggs seemed to be "up to par"...but still, the same result. Dr C mentioned donor sperm and IUI. He thinks it could work for us...since, again, he thinks the problem is DH's swimmers. But DH isn't 100% open to that idea. And I'm not there yet either.
How do you tell one child that they aren't biologically their father's when the other is? How does that affect the child? How would that affect Lexi? Would it? Would DH later disown that child in the event our marriage ended? Could he legally? Those are the questions swimming in my head.
The wound is so raw right now...
So now I'm faced with feeling like I'm not ready to give up...with the very real notion that I may have to. The RE seems to think the problem lies with DH's sperm. They ICSI'd the 10 mature eggs that they got. My eggs seemed to be "up to par"...but still, the same result. Dr C mentioned donor sperm and IUI. He thinks it could work for us...since, again, he thinks the problem is DH's swimmers. But DH isn't 100% open to that idea. And I'm not there yet either.
How do you tell one child that they aren't biologically their father's when the other is? How does that affect the child? How would that affect Lexi? Would it? Would DH later disown that child in the event our marriage ended? Could he legally? Those are the questions swimming in my head.
The wound is so raw right now...
Friday, January 27, 2012
Meds
So as a result of this cycle being a bust I have meds available. I'd like to recoop some of my money, but not looking to turn a profit. Let me know if anyone is interested in the below:
900iu Follistim cartridge
300iu Follistim cartridge
4 boxes of Endometrin
2 boxes of Vivelle patches
I also have countless needles and syringes.
900iu Follistim cartridge
300iu Follistim cartridge
4 boxes of Endometrin
2 boxes of Vivelle patches
I also have countless needles and syringes.
Heartbroken
My clinic just called. Of my 13 eggs retrieved, 10 were mature for ICSI...but none fertilized. We have zero embryos. None. Zilch. Zero.
I'm heartbroken right now. We have no more insurance coverage. We can't afford another cycle. We're done. This was my worst nightmare. Literally, I was up last night worrying about how things were going. I guess my subconcious knew.
I have no idea how to deal with this right now.
I'm heartbroken right now. We have no more insurance coverage. We can't afford another cycle. We're done. This was my worst nightmare. Literally, I was up last night worrying about how things were going. I guess my subconcious knew.
I have no idea how to deal with this right now.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
ER
13 eggs retrieved. Not bad...but F.U.C.K! That is the least amount of eggs I've gotten in 4 cycles. I know I'm older and all...but was really hoping for more. Fert report tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Trigger
I triggered last night at 9:30. I've never used Ovidrel before...so it was strange to me to inject a trigger sub-q instead of IM. But I guess it was a good thing though...for we decided to head to our poker league and I had to trigger in the middle of the tournament. Sub-q's go much faster than an IM.
One thing to note...this cycle...OMG are my nips SORE. My Tshirt rubbing against them feels like sandpaper.
One thing to note...this cycle...OMG are my nips SORE. My Tshirt rubbing against them feels like sandpaper.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Monitoring Appt #5
Thank the Lord...I'm triggering tonight. At my appointment this morning the U/S tech thought I might go another day. My largest follie from yesterday vanished so she thought they'd stim me another day...BUT when I called the Lab Line just now...I'm triggering tonight at 9:30pm!!
Right - 19.5, 18, 16, 16, 13, 11
Left - 17, 17, 16.5, 16, 16, 15.5, 13.5, 13.5, 12.5, 10
Though she was having a hard time with my right side. Seems my uterus shifted and was making it hard to see. So I may have one or two more in there.
Lining is 10.1mm
E2 is 3024
My E2 level scares me still. I know anything over 2500 runs the risk of OHSS...but at least it's not as high as the 4200 it was last time.
ER will be Thursday, January 26th at 9:30 am.
If you remember, can you say a little prayer for us on Thursday? They would be much appreciated.
Right - 19.5, 18, 16, 16, 13, 11
Left - 17, 17, 16.5, 16, 16, 15.5, 13.5, 13.5, 12.5, 10
Though she was having a hard time with my right side. Seems my uterus shifted and was making it hard to see. So I may have one or two more in there.
Lining is 10.1mm
E2 is 3024
My E2 level scares me still. I know anything over 2500 runs the risk of OHSS...but at least it's not as high as the 4200 it was last time.
ER will be Thursday, January 26th at 9:30 am.
If you remember, can you say a little prayer for us on Thursday? They would be much appreciated.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Monitoring Appt #4
Today is day 11 on stims. The longest I've gone is 12 days. The end is near...I hope.
Right - 21, 18, 17, 14.5, 12.5, 11, 11
Left - 17, 15.5, 15.5, 15, 14, 12, 11.5, 11.5, 10.5
E2 is 2435
Lining 10mm
I only have 2 days worth of Menopur left. One for tonight and one for tomorrow. I hope that's enough.
Right - 21, 18, 17, 14.5, 12.5, 11, 11
Left - 17, 15.5, 15.5, 15, 14, 12, 11.5, 11.5, 10.5
E2 is 2435
Lining 10mm
I only have 2 days worth of Menopur left. One for tonight and one for tomorrow. I hope that's enough.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Monitoring Appt #3
So I don't have much in the way of numbers today. Only that my E2 was 1971. Because it is the weekend, the doctor actually calls you and he doesn't relay the follie size. I'm to go back tomorrow (another 90 mile drive!!) for another scan. Today I've been on stims 10 days.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Monitoring Appt #2
Nothing interesting...just for my own records...
Right ovary - 15, 13, 12, 10.5...and more smaller ones
Left ovary - 15, 12, 12, 11, 10.5, 10...and more smaller ones
Lining - 9.5
E2 - 931
Back on Sunday for another wanding and bloodwork
I'm starting to feel a tad bit uncomfortable. Leftie sits right under my uterus...so I feel the "expansion" as follies grow. It also makes the wanding a wee bit painful as well. The lengths we go...
Right ovary - 15, 13, 12, 10.5...and more smaller ones
Left ovary - 15, 12, 12, 11, 10.5, 10...and more smaller ones
Lining - 9.5
E2 - 931
Back on Sunday for another wanding and bloodwork
I'm starting to feel a tad bit uncomfortable. Leftie sits right under my uterus...so I feel the "expansion" as follies grow. It also makes the wanding a wee bit painful as well. The lengths we go...
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Monitoring Update
For my records...
monitoring yesterday...
largest follie 12mm. all on left side are less than 10mm. This is after 5 full days on stims.
Lining 7.5
E2 - 340
monitoring yesterday...
largest follie 12mm. all on left side are less than 10mm. This is after 5 full days on stims.
Lining 7.5
E2 - 340
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
To freeze or not to freeze
My clinic just called to talk to me about possibly freezing any remaining embryos we might have after ET. I had to laugh. We've done 3 IVF cycles...and have had 3 viable embryos make it to transfer. We've never had anything to freeze.
But the thought is there. What happens if, with this new clinic, we miraculously end up with 6 or 7 embryos? Obviously, the RE isn't going to transfer all of them back to me. I brought it up with DH...he's not for freezing any. He said we can't afford 3 or 4 kids, that I'm already 35 (too old) and that we can't afford the cost to freeze them ($1200, which I agree, we can't)...I told him that I can't wrap my mind around "throwing away" 3 babies. Because in my head, that's what we'd be doing. He told me that I was being unreasonable and overly emotional about the decision.
How can I NOT be emotional about it? We're talking potential babies here...not just eggs or sperm...but actual embryos.
I don't know why I even bothered bringing it up to him. It's not like we ever get "extras" anyway.
But, I want to know...has anyone ever made the decision to NOT freeze extra embryos? What were your reasons? How did you feel about the decision? Any regrets?
But the thought is there. What happens if, with this new clinic, we miraculously end up with 6 or 7 embryos? Obviously, the RE isn't going to transfer all of them back to me. I brought it up with DH...he's not for freezing any. He said we can't afford 3 or 4 kids, that I'm already 35 (too old) and that we can't afford the cost to freeze them ($1200, which I agree, we can't)...I told him that I can't wrap my mind around "throwing away" 3 babies. Because in my head, that's what we'd be doing. He told me that I was being unreasonable and overly emotional about the decision.
How can I NOT be emotional about it? We're talking potential babies here...not just eggs or sperm...but actual embryos.
I don't know why I even bothered bringing it up to him. It's not like we ever get "extras" anyway.
But, I want to know...has anyone ever made the decision to NOT freeze extra embryos? What were your reasons? How did you feel about the decision? Any regrets?
Day 5
Today is day 5 of stims. I'm slowly starting to feel the bloating in my ovaries. I have my first monitoring appointment tomorrow morning. I'm also going to be transporting DH's frozen sperm from our old clinic to the new one in prep for our ER next week.
NEXT WEEK!!!???
Holy shit...I'm so not mentally prepared for this cycle. I've been so busy with other things that I haven't really been thinking about this cycle.
NEXT WEEK!!!???
Holy shit...I'm so not mentally prepared for this cycle. I've been so busy with other things that I haven't really been thinking about this cycle.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Clear
I'm clear to start stims on Friday.
225u of Follistim in the mornings
75u of Menopur in the evenings
reduce Lupron to 5u
My lining was 2.4 and my E2 less than 15.
Here we go.
225u of Follistim in the mornings
75u of Menopur in the evenings
reduce Lupron to 5u
My lining was 2.4 and my E2 less than 15.
Here we go.
Baseline
I had my baseline b/w & US this morning. I'll find out after 2:30 if I'm clear to start stims on Friday!!
It was interesting sitting in the waiting room and seeing all the women come in. At my old, much larger, clinic...we weren't on any "schedule" per se. Meaning the ER's and ET's were not scheduled for a particular week during the month, and monitoring was able to be done at the satellite offices, so there weren't many people in the waiting room. This clinic is much smaller, operates on a "schedule", and only does monitoring at one location. So there were about 10 women in the waiting room with me.
I was surprised at how easily I was able to guess which ones appeared to be "first timers" and which ones were "vets". The first timers sat in the waiting room, either giddy with excitement or sick with nervousness. They couldn't focus enough to read a book or magazine. Their partners were by their sides, equally giddy or nervous. There were about 4 of those women in the waiting room this morning.
The vets on the other hand, were there alone...seemingly aloof...oblivious to anything going on around them...consumed by their book/ipod/magazine. But you could see it in their faces. The worry. The apprehension. Their wish to be the giddy, nervous one. The first timer. I sat included. Wishing I didn't know that out of the 10 of us...maybe 5 would get a BFP...and of those 5...maybe 3 would get take home babies. I wish I didn't know all the things that DO go wrong.
I'm more nervous for this cycle that I was a week ago. Some of that has to do with things that have been going on here at home...but most of it is because I'm afraid of a BFN. But yet, I'm afraid of a BFP too. Because a BFP doesn't mean a take home baby. And I'm not sure my heart can take much more.
It was interesting sitting in the waiting room and seeing all the women come in. At my old, much larger, clinic...we weren't on any "schedule" per se. Meaning the ER's and ET's were not scheduled for a particular week during the month, and monitoring was able to be done at the satellite offices, so there weren't many people in the waiting room. This clinic is much smaller, operates on a "schedule", and only does monitoring at one location. So there were about 10 women in the waiting room with me.
I was surprised at how easily I was able to guess which ones appeared to be "first timers" and which ones were "vets". The first timers sat in the waiting room, either giddy with excitement or sick with nervousness. They couldn't focus enough to read a book or magazine. Their partners were by their sides, equally giddy or nervous. There were about 4 of those women in the waiting room this morning.
The vets on the other hand, were there alone...seemingly aloof...oblivious to anything going on around them...consumed by their book/ipod/magazine. But you could see it in their faces. The worry. The apprehension. Their wish to be the giddy, nervous one. The first timer. I sat included. Wishing I didn't know that out of the 10 of us...maybe 5 would get a BFP...and of those 5...maybe 3 would get take home babies. I wish I didn't know all the things that DO go wrong.
I'm more nervous for this cycle that I was a week ago. Some of that has to do with things that have been going on here at home...but most of it is because I'm afraid of a BFN. But yet, I'm afraid of a BFP too. Because a BFP doesn't mean a take home baby. And I'm not sure my heart can take much more.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Happy New Year
Happy New Year everyone! 2012...man...where has the time gone.
Last Friday we received awesome news in the mail...DH was approved for his unemployment benefits! We're so happy that we will have some additional income coming in other than mine. We were really stressing out on how we were going to pay all the bills in January. Now, we should be able to.
NYE was spent with my best friend and her husband at our house. We celebrated with Lexi around 9pm and she got to pop some of those popper things that have the streamers in them. She was asleep by 9:30. It was low key and just what I liked.
Saturday was also my last bcp. So I'm expecting AF to come any day. The Lupron isn't so bad. I haven't had any headaches or hot flashes yet. But I'm only a week in so it can still come. My baseline is the 11th.
Now onto another dilemma. There is one salesperson that I support that all through the year he'd joke whenever I got him out of a jam that he'd make sure I was taken care of at Christmas. Today, I received a check in the mail...drawn of his personal account...for $250.00. I'm speechless. I was in tears...I don't know if I can accept this. When I talked to him he said that I better accept it and if I don't cash the check he'll just keep sending me a new one, or will send me cash via Fed Ex. He said that the only reason he made his sales goal this year and was successful was because of the help and assistance I provided him. I tried to tell him that that's what I was hired for, that he doesn't need to give me any extras...but he's not taking no for an answer. I have a call into my boss...I don't want to get in trouble for accepting his gift...but this extra money would go along ways now that DH isn't working. He calls it revenue share, since he got paid commission on deals that I worked on. Would it be wrong to accept this from him?
Last Friday we received awesome news in the mail...DH was approved for his unemployment benefits! We're so happy that we will have some additional income coming in other than mine. We were really stressing out on how we were going to pay all the bills in January. Now, we should be able to.
NYE was spent with my best friend and her husband at our house. We celebrated with Lexi around 9pm and she got to pop some of those popper things that have the streamers in them. She was asleep by 9:30. It was low key and just what I liked.
Saturday was also my last bcp. So I'm expecting AF to come any day. The Lupron isn't so bad. I haven't had any headaches or hot flashes yet. But I'm only a week in so it can still come. My baseline is the 11th.
Now onto another dilemma. There is one salesperson that I support that all through the year he'd joke whenever I got him out of a jam that he'd make sure I was taken care of at Christmas. Today, I received a check in the mail...drawn of his personal account...for $250.00. I'm speechless. I was in tears...I don't know if I can accept this. When I talked to him he said that I better accept it and if I don't cash the check he'll just keep sending me a new one, or will send me cash via Fed Ex. He said that the only reason he made his sales goal this year and was successful was because of the help and assistance I provided him. I tried to tell him that that's what I was hired for, that he doesn't need to give me any extras...but he's not taking no for an answer. I have a call into my boss...I don't want to get in trouble for accepting his gift...but this extra money would go along ways now that DH isn't working. He calls it revenue share, since he got paid commission on deals that I worked on. Would it be wrong to accept this from him?
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Catching Up
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I know we did. We took Lexi ice skating on the 23rd in the city. She had a blast...and has been asking to go back since. She was actually able to skate a few feet all on her own before falling down. Which is more than I can do! I was on the ice in my sneakers! LOL!
Christmas Eve was spent at the in laws as usual and Christmas Day we hosted here. Santa...aka Daddy...came to visit Lexi and presented her with 2 very special presents. One was the roller skates she had been asking for since Halloween. She was so happy to get them she had to try them out right away. The other very special present was her big girl bed. Daddy had worked on it for a few weeks getting it painted, roughed up and decorated to look like an old rustic bed. Her name is painted on the foot board and there is a lasso on it as well. It's her "Jessie" bed. She seemed to like it, but when naptime and bedtime came around that day she started out in the bed but ended up in the crib. Monday she slept in the bed for nap and bedtime...and yesterday, while she was at school, we removed the crib from her room. She slept in her bed last night with no complaints. I hope she continues to do well in it.
I started Lupron on the 27th in prep for this cycle. My parents are lending us the $1100 to cover the Cobra premium for January. DH went today to take the post office exam...hoping something comes of it. His old employer is contesting the unemployment and he had his "interview" with the local office yesterday...we should know if he'll get any benefits within a week or so. The good thing is, if approved it is retroactive back to the 14th of December...so that first check will be nice.
I'm still afraid of what's going to happen. I still feel like it's not responsible to try to bring another baby into this world when we don't know how we're going to pay our mortgage...but I know we may never have another chance at this...and I know our financial situation is only temporary. So I'm going into this cycle with the mentality that if it's meant to be, it will be.
Christmas Eve was spent at the in laws as usual and Christmas Day we hosted here. Santa...aka Daddy...came to visit Lexi and presented her with 2 very special presents. One was the roller skates she had been asking for since Halloween. She was so happy to get them she had to try them out right away. The other very special present was her big girl bed. Daddy had worked on it for a few weeks getting it painted, roughed up and decorated to look like an old rustic bed. Her name is painted on the foot board and there is a lasso on it as well. It's her "Jessie" bed. She seemed to like it, but when naptime and bedtime came around that day she started out in the bed but ended up in the crib. Monday she slept in the bed for nap and bedtime...and yesterday, while she was at school, we removed the crib from her room. She slept in her bed last night with no complaints. I hope she continues to do well in it.
I started Lupron on the 27th in prep for this cycle. My parents are lending us the $1100 to cover the Cobra premium for January. DH went today to take the post office exam...hoping something comes of it. His old employer is contesting the unemployment and he had his "interview" with the local office yesterday...we should know if he'll get any benefits within a week or so. The good thing is, if approved it is retroactive back to the 14th of December...so that first check will be nice.
I'm still afraid of what's going to happen. I still feel like it's not responsible to try to bring another baby into this world when we don't know how we're going to pay our mortgage...but I know we may never have another chance at this...and I know our financial situation is only temporary. So I'm going into this cycle with the mentality that if it's meant to be, it will be.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Whirlwind of emotions
OMG this week has just been a whirlwind. If you recall, our IVF cycle was cancelled back in November because my TSH levels were crazy high...and I went on Dec 1st for repeat bloodwork. TSH came back at 2.3, not below the 2 the RE wanted. HOWEVER, the nurse had told me to get a letter from my Endo stating I was under her care and that she was comfortable with us proceeding and the nurse would see if the RE would sign off on a January cycle.
I found out on Monday that he DID sign off on it. So we were a go for an IVF in January...our insurance would lapse on 2/29/12 and we'd be done well before then. Things were looking up.
Then, yesterday DH lost his job. His job that carried the insurance for the IVF. So on top of the financial strain of losing his income, we were faced with not being able to do the IVF again because the insurance will now lapse at the end of this month.
Then I think...HELLO! COBRA! Yes, the premiums would be astronomical, but it's still less expensive than paying for a cycle out of pocket. And we'd only need it for January...to cover the ER and ET. Everything else I can send through our other insurance carrier.
But then I started thinking last night...maybe this was God's way of telling us we aren't supposed to cycle...I mean, it was cancelled...then he loses his job. And what responsible people try to bring another child into the world when their own financial future is uncertain? But then I think that we may not have another chance at this. Even if he got another job tomorrow...there is no guarantee they will offer IVF coverage. MY job doesn't. That's why we took the 2nd policy through his job. I want to move forward. I really, really do. My heart is saying YES YES YES...but the logical part of my mind is saying...THINK THIS THROUGH!
What would you do?
Oh...and my schedule for the IVF is:
Begin Lupron 12/27/11
Last active bcp 12/31/11
Baseline U/S 1/11/12
Start Stims 1/13/12
ER & ET week of 1/23/12
I found out on Monday that he DID sign off on it. So we were a go for an IVF in January...our insurance would lapse on 2/29/12 and we'd be done well before then. Things were looking up.
Then, yesterday DH lost his job. His job that carried the insurance for the IVF. So on top of the financial strain of losing his income, we were faced with not being able to do the IVF again because the insurance will now lapse at the end of this month.
Then I think...HELLO! COBRA! Yes, the premiums would be astronomical, but it's still less expensive than paying for a cycle out of pocket. And we'd only need it for January...to cover the ER and ET. Everything else I can send through our other insurance carrier.
But then I started thinking last night...maybe this was God's way of telling us we aren't supposed to cycle...I mean, it was cancelled...then he loses his job. And what responsible people try to bring another child into the world when their own financial future is uncertain? But then I think that we may not have another chance at this. Even if he got another job tomorrow...there is no guarantee they will offer IVF coverage. MY job doesn't. That's why we took the 2nd policy through his job. I want to move forward. I really, really do. My heart is saying YES YES YES...but the logical part of my mind is saying...THINK THIS THROUGH!
What would you do?
Oh...and my schedule for the IVF is:
Begin Lupron 12/27/11
Last active bcp 12/31/11
Baseline U/S 1/11/12
Start Stims 1/13/12
ER & ET week of 1/23/12
Friday, December 9, 2011
A different place
http://hurtingontheinside.wordpress.com
Email me for password.
I will still be here...just not right now.
Email me for password.
I will still be here...just not right now.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
January
A January IVF cycle is a no go I believe. I just got my TSH levels back from my bloodtest last week. 2.310. I huge decrease from 5.3...but still not below the 2 that the RE wants. So now I wait...
Friday, November 25, 2011
Black Friday
I was never a Black Friday shopper. Mostly because, when I was old enough to have money of my own, I was usually working. From the time I started working, the Friday after Thanksgiving was never one I was able to take off. Which meant I had to get up at the butt crack of dawn to commute into the city for work. I used to drive past all the stores with people lined up outside (back when stores opened at 6am on Black Friday) waiting to get in and a little part of me was jealous that they got to get all the great deals and I had to work.
Fast forward to last year. My mom and I decided to brave T0ys R Us for their midnight opening. She waited in the warm car while I froze my butt off in line. We got some great deals on things. But that was it. We were home by 1am.
This year we decided to try Wally Mart for the 10pm sale. We had two things on our list...the memory foam bath mats (don't laugh, they are awesome!) and a twin size bedding set for Lexi's big girl bed she's getting. Toy Story was requested by the princess herself.
OH. MY. GOD. NEVER. AGAIN. We should have known how crazy it was going to be based on the fact that the parking lot was completely full at 9:30 when we got there. We lucked out and found someone leaving and got their space, but people were parking in the nearby Bank parking lot. In the drive thru teller line. In the ATM line!
Anyway, we went in and quickly found the bath mats...but it wasn't 10pm yet so we had to stand in line...yes...there was a LINE for bath mats. While my mom stood in line, I sought out a manager (yes, there was a manager to be found) and asked where the kids bedding sets might be located...since everything was all over. (I kid you not, they had moved ALL the baby clothes into the grocery section and filled that area with pallets of DVDs). He told me that they hadn't been able to find the bedding and he didn't think it was out. So I went back in line with my mom...only to hear a HUGE commotion from where I came from. Some people had started ripping into the shrink wrap that held the 10pm sale merchandise. And this particular merchandise was SHEETS! SHEETS! Not TV's...NOT Laptops...SHEETS! The manager called security and fights broke out. It wasn't 10pm yet, but once people saw them ripping into the shrink wrap it was every man for himself. People just started ripping into things and grabbing whatever they could. I don't even think people were looking at what they were grabbing.
My mom and I did come away with 5 bathmats...3 for her and 2 for me...unscathed. BUT get this. I asked the manager, who was back picking up dropped/thrown/discarded merchandise from the floor, where, if they had the bedding sets, would they have put them. He directed me to the kids section. My mom and I decided we'd take a walk back there to see...after pushing our way through the electronics department (OMG really people...some of those movie titles are 20 years old. $5 isn't a sale...you can get those for $5 on a regular day) we came to a clearing in the store. And I found the pallet of bedding. No Toy Story, one princess and a few Mickey M0use were all that were left. But, what is that I see out of the corner of my eye? There...kicked under a display of socks 20 feet away. Is that Woody's face I see? Why it is!! I managed to come away with the LAST Toy Story bedding set.
Yes, I braved the Black Friday crowds for 2 bath mats and a Toy Story bedding set. But to see the sparkle in my girl's eyes when she sees it on her custom made Jessie bed (custom made by Daddy)...will make it all worth it. Will I brave Black Friday again? Maybe. I'll never be the "plan it all out hit a zillion stores, stay up all night" type of Black Friday shopper. But I can fight the crowd for the one item my girl really wants...and if I lose and don't get it, I can say I tried...but if I win...well, seeing her face light up will be gift enough for me.
Are you a Black Friday shopper? If so, how "all out" do you go?
Fast forward to last year. My mom and I decided to brave T0ys R Us for their midnight opening. She waited in the warm car while I froze my butt off in line. We got some great deals on things. But that was it. We were home by 1am.
This year we decided to try Wally Mart for the 10pm sale. We had two things on our list...the memory foam bath mats (don't laugh, they are awesome!) and a twin size bedding set for Lexi's big girl bed she's getting. Toy Story was requested by the princess herself.
OH. MY. GOD. NEVER. AGAIN. We should have known how crazy it was going to be based on the fact that the parking lot was completely full at 9:30 when we got there. We lucked out and found someone leaving and got their space, but people were parking in the nearby Bank parking lot. In the drive thru teller line. In the ATM line!
Anyway, we went in and quickly found the bath mats...but it wasn't 10pm yet so we had to stand in line...yes...there was a LINE for bath mats. While my mom stood in line, I sought out a manager (yes, there was a manager to be found) and asked where the kids bedding sets might be located...since everything was all over. (I kid you not, they had moved ALL the baby clothes into the grocery section and filled that area with pallets of DVDs). He told me that they hadn't been able to find the bedding and he didn't think it was out. So I went back in line with my mom...only to hear a HUGE commotion from where I came from. Some people had started ripping into the shrink wrap that held the 10pm sale merchandise. And this particular merchandise was SHEETS! SHEETS! Not TV's...NOT Laptops...SHEETS! The manager called security and fights broke out. It wasn't 10pm yet, but once people saw them ripping into the shrink wrap it was every man for himself. People just started ripping into things and grabbing whatever they could. I don't even think people were looking at what they were grabbing.
My mom and I did come away with 5 bathmats...3 for her and 2 for me...unscathed. BUT get this. I asked the manager, who was back picking up dropped/thrown/discarded merchandise from the floor, where, if they had the bedding sets, would they have put them. He directed me to the kids section. My mom and I decided we'd take a walk back there to see...after pushing our way through the electronics department (OMG really people...some of those movie titles are 20 years old. $5 isn't a sale...you can get those for $5 on a regular day) we came to a clearing in the store. And I found the pallet of bedding. No Toy Story, one princess and a few Mickey M0use were all that were left. But, what is that I see out of the corner of my eye? There...kicked under a display of socks 20 feet away. Is that Woody's face I see? Why it is!! I managed to come away with the LAST Toy Story bedding set.
Yes, I braved the Black Friday crowds for 2 bath mats and a Toy Story bedding set. But to see the sparkle in my girl's eyes when she sees it on her custom made Jessie bed (custom made by Daddy)...will make it all worth it. Will I brave Black Friday again? Maybe. I'll never be the "plan it all out hit a zillion stores, stay up all night" type of Black Friday shopper. But I can fight the crowd for the one item my girl really wants...and if I lose and don't get it, I can say I tried...but if I win...well, seeing her face light up will be gift enough for me.
Are you a Black Friday shopper? If so, how "all out" do you go?
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
What I'm thankful for
This season I've decided to try to put things in perspective for myself and write down all the things I'm thankful for instead of dwelling on things I don't have.
So this year, I'm thankful for:
My health. I've had a few scares this year and I'm thankful that I am healthy.
My daughter. After 2 1/2 years, I still look at her with awe and so much love. She means the world to me.
My husband. We've had lots of ups and downs this year and despite all my flaws, some that were "secret" until recently, he still loves me. And for that, I'm VERY grateful.
My home. I have a roof over our heads. Nuf said
My job. In this economy, I am thankful for everyday I have this job. I know what a blessing it was to change jobs willingly in such a poor economy. This job gives me the freedom to have a life outside of my career.
My family. They have proven over and over that they are fully invested in our lives and in our daughter's life.
My mom. I have to single her out. She gives up 3 nights and 3 days of her time to stay at my house to watch Lexi. And she does it with no complaints of being away from my dad and things she needs to get done at her house. She has saved us SO much in the form of daycare costs...and when I was working in an office, would have dinner made when we got home. So thankful for her.
My best friend. OMG what to say about her. She's been my rock...offering a shoulder to cry on...good times...and fond memories. I've known her for 20 years and I can see us being friends well into our senior years. She is so active with Lexi and loves her tremendously. She is my sister, in every way. I love her dearly.
My friends. Both IRL and afar. The support I get from my friends has gotten me through some of my darkest moments. Whether on FB, on this blog, via email or G00gle talk, or in person...I know I can connect with them and they will understand. I wish some of you lived closer! But I'm thankful for each of you.
I know there are probably more things that I could list...but these are the top ones. I hope to look back on this post when I'm feeling down in the dumps and remember all the good things I have in my life.
So this year, I'm thankful for:
My health. I've had a few scares this year and I'm thankful that I am healthy.
My daughter. After 2 1/2 years, I still look at her with awe and so much love. She means the world to me.
My husband. We've had lots of ups and downs this year and despite all my flaws, some that were "secret" until recently, he still loves me. And for that, I'm VERY grateful.
My home. I have a roof over our heads. Nuf said
My job. In this economy, I am thankful for everyday I have this job. I know what a blessing it was to change jobs willingly in such a poor economy. This job gives me the freedom to have a life outside of my career.
My family. They have proven over and over that they are fully invested in our lives and in our daughter's life.
My mom. I have to single her out. She gives up 3 nights and 3 days of her time to stay at my house to watch Lexi. And she does it with no complaints of being away from my dad and things she needs to get done at her house. She has saved us SO much in the form of daycare costs...and when I was working in an office, would have dinner made when we got home. So thankful for her.
My best friend. OMG what to say about her. She's been my rock...offering a shoulder to cry on...good times...and fond memories. I've known her for 20 years and I can see us being friends well into our senior years. She is so active with Lexi and loves her tremendously. She is my sister, in every way. I love her dearly.
My friends. Both IRL and afar. The support I get from my friends has gotten me through some of my darkest moments. Whether on FB, on this blog, via email or G00gle talk, or in person...I know I can connect with them and they will understand. I wish some of you lived closer! But I'm thankful for each of you.
I know there are probably more things that I could list...but these are the top ones. I hope to look back on this post when I'm feeling down in the dumps and remember all the good things I have in my life.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
1 year
Today marks the one year mark since my miscarriage. Actually, it's the anniversary of my D&C...but since I had over a month of ups and downs, this is the day that stands out in my heart. The day it truly ended. I still think about that baby...and what might have been. But my heart isn't as heavy as it once was.
I am ever thankful for the little girl I do have. The one who has become quite opinionated and spunky. Who tells me everyday, I love you mommy. Having her to hug and hold made my loss slightly easier. She won't ever remember that she had a sibling, if ever so briefly. All I can do is remember for her...
I am ever thankful for the little girl I do have. The one who has become quite opinionated and spunky. Who tells me everyday, I love you mommy. Having her to hug and hold made my loss slightly easier. She won't ever remember that she had a sibling, if ever so briefly. All I can do is remember for her...
Monday, November 7, 2011
ALL CLEAR!
I had my follow up mammogram today and ultrasound. After 2 hours at the hospital I finally got the all clear. I have very dense breasts and the "area of concern" was in fact the mole I have. I can not begin to tell you the relief that flooded through me when I got the results. I'm very happy today.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Day 4: Something Green.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
NaBloPoMo - Day 1 & 2 Self Portrait and What I wore today
So I thought I'd try to do this NaBloPoMo thing. I've never actually posted 30 days in a row...so I fugured why not. But I'm doing a 30 day photo challenge in conjunction with Suzy and Kim. And frankly, I won't be able to think of 30 days worth of posts, so this is my way of participating!
And of course...I'm a day late. But oh well.
Here is the list...taken from Kim's blog...she gives appropriate credit to the originator.
And yes, I'm cheating and using the same photo for Days 1 and 2. Forgive the mess in the background...and the ponytail. I work from home and don't get "gussied" up.
And of course...I'm a day late. But oh well.
Here is the list...taken from Kim's blog...she gives appropriate credit to the originator.
And yes, I'm cheating and using the same photo for Days 1 and 2. Forgive the mess in the background...and the ponytail. I work from home and don't get "gussied" up.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
November 7th
Received my orders from my PCP for some additional views of my left breast as well as an ultrasound...but in talking to my mom, she reminded me of something that I didn't even think of. I have a mole on the underside of my left breast...and I didn't mention it to the tech who did my mammogram. I didn't even think to mention it. She said that most likely, the density that was seen is the mole. I can hope.
I go November 7th for the additional tests...and I will be sure to mention my mole at that point.
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Lexi is sick...like hacking cough sick. No fever though. She is definitely congested. She woke up last night and only wanted her mommy and her medicine. I found some cough syrup that is safe for 2 year olds...I don't have the bottle in front of me so I can't recall the name...so she got 1tsp of that and back to bed she went. Slept until after 8 this morning.
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Lexi is going to be a pirate for Halloween...what are your little ones dressing as?
I go November 7th for the additional tests...and I will be sure to mention my mole at that point.
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Lexi is sick...like hacking cough sick. No fever though. She is definitely congested. She woke up last night and only wanted her mommy and her medicine. I found some cough syrup that is safe for 2 year olds...I don't have the bottle in front of me so I can't recall the name...so she got 1tsp of that and back to bed she went. Slept until after 8 this morning.
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Lexi is going to be a pirate for Halloween...what are your little ones dressing as?
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
I can't take much more stress in my life right now. And that's all I seem to have at the moment. If I thought I was stressed before...when the only thing I stressed about was money...then I don't even have words to describe the pressure I feel right now.
IVF postponement...ok...sucks, but I can deal. Just means extra time and maybe another year paying for the HMO.
Hasimoto's...yep...that sucks too. But it's treatable with medication. I went for my ultrasound of my thyroid this morning and I picked up my Levothyroxin last night. Popped my first pill this morning. Being on meds, for possibly the rest of my life, kinda sucks...but I can deal.
This "other thing"...that I can't deal with. I know it could very well be nothing. A bad angle...a cyst...a fibroid...it could be any of those things...but the thought that it might be something more than that still creeps into my head. And that thought KILLS me. I'm 35. I don't want to deal with anything remotely related to cancer. I look at my little girl and think...will I see her grow up? Will I see her graduate from high school? Get married? Have a baby? I know those things aren't guaranteed to begin with...but having this looming over me makes those things ever so important. Makes every hug and every I Love You even more precious to me.
The rational side of me says that if it were really bad...my doctor wouldn't have "just mailed" the order for the tests...that he would have demanded I get in ASAP. He's like that. My brain says that everything will be fine...that I'm over reacting. But my heart...well, that's a whole other ball of wax.
My heart is hurting right now. For the IVF that got put off...for the upcoming one year anniversary of losing the last pregnancy...for the Hashimoto's diagnosis...for reaching age 35...for an abnormal mammogram.
It's just too much all at once. I don't know how to hold it all together. What's next?
IVF postponement...ok...sucks, but I can deal. Just means extra time and maybe another year paying for the HMO.
Hasimoto's...yep...that sucks too. But it's treatable with medication. I went for my ultrasound of my thyroid this morning and I picked up my Levothyroxin last night. Popped my first pill this morning. Being on meds, for possibly the rest of my life, kinda sucks...but I can deal.
This "other thing"...that I can't deal with. I know it could very well be nothing. A bad angle...a cyst...a fibroid...it could be any of those things...but the thought that it might be something more than that still creeps into my head. And that thought KILLS me. I'm 35. I don't want to deal with anything remotely related to cancer. I look at my little girl and think...will I see her grow up? Will I see her graduate from high school? Get married? Have a baby? I know those things aren't guaranteed to begin with...but having this looming over me makes those things ever so important. Makes every hug and every I Love You even more precious to me.
The rational side of me says that if it were really bad...my doctor wouldn't have "just mailed" the order for the tests...that he would have demanded I get in ASAP. He's like that. My brain says that everything will be fine...that I'm over reacting. But my heart...well, that's a whole other ball of wax.
My heart is hurting right now. For the IVF that got put off...for the upcoming one year anniversary of losing the last pregnancy...for the Hashimoto's diagnosis...for reaching age 35...for an abnormal mammogram.
It's just too much all at once. I don't know how to hold it all together. What's next?
Monday, October 24, 2011
Really?
I posted about how I went for a mammogram last Thursday...I was just shy of my 35th birthday. Got a letter in the mail today from the hospital that I need to contact my physician's office because I need further imaging. Upon calling my PCP's office they had already written up an order for more testing...apparently I have a small density in my left breast that needs further evaluation. I need to make another appointment with the imaging center.
I'm hoping it's nothing. Or just a cyst. If you're the praying type...please send one up for me?
I'm hoping it's nothing. Or just a cyst. If you're the praying type...please send one up for me?
Friday, October 21, 2011
Hashimoto's
I saw my endocrinologist today. It's not official but I most likely have Hashimoto's. And it's most likely the cause of my miscarriage last year. My TSH level was 5.6. Normal is around 1.5 - 1.8. I'm to start on a high dose of Levothyroxin immediately. Repeat bloodwork in 4 weeks...next appointment December 1st. I also have to have an ultrasound of my thyroid done.
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I don't know what to think right now. The fact that I may not have miscarried last fall had I been taking thyroid meds is a little overwhelming right now. Something so "simple" to treat. And I didn't. I remember telling my RE at the time that I wasn't taking any thyroid meds...and I thought they found me to be "within normal" ranges...but I found out today that your TSH level can be within "normal" ranges and there still be an issue...because apparently your pituitary gland helps compensate for when your thyroid is lacking. Brings the grief to the forefront again.
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Tomorrow is my 35th birthday.
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I don't know what to think right now. The fact that I may not have miscarried last fall had I been taking thyroid meds is a little overwhelming right now. Something so "simple" to treat. And I didn't. I remember telling my RE at the time that I wasn't taking any thyroid meds...and I thought they found me to be "within normal" ranges...but I found out today that your TSH level can be within "normal" ranges and there still be an issue...because apparently your pituitary gland helps compensate for when your thyroid is lacking. Brings the grief to the forefront again.
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Tomorrow is my 35th birthday.
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Wednesday, October 19, 2011
IVF#4 postponement and Boobies
I felt like crap all day yesterday. Constant headache and overall yucky feeling. The news from the RE's office didn't help. I'm so frustrated. Pushing back this cycle meaning potentially having to pay another year's worth of premiums on this HMO. Don't get me wrong...I'm happy to have insurance coverage and I know how lucky I am that I do...but paying for 2 medical plans is killing us financially! My PCP, my GYN, Lexi's pedi, and DH's MFI doc are all part of my PPO network. They don't take the HMO. The only reason we took the HMO was for the IVF coverage. I can't drop my PPO. DH's job has a wacky enrollment period so coverage runs March 1st - March 1st. So we have until February 29th to have a cycle completed...actually we don't even have that long since his enrollment period is sometime in January. So if I'm not on the Janaury cycle...well, that means another year of HMO premiums.
I guess I'm just mad that the RE didn't order the bloodwork after our first meeting in September. I told him at that point that the only difference between my cycle with Lexi and the cycle I miscarried was that I was on thyroid meds with Lexi's cycle. I told him I wanted my TSH level tested at that time. I just feel that if it had been tested in September that I would have had a few additional weeks to get on thyroid meds...and maybe make the December cycle. December isn't even a chance at this point. January is a glimmer. I'm holding out hope for January.
I have an appointment on Friday with the endo...so hopefully she won't require MORE bloodwork and will accept the results from the test I just had.
Oh and can I complain just a smidge about how LONG it takes to get an appointment??!! I must have called 10 places...each telling me that they are scheduling out to December and January!! Luckily, this Endo dedicates Fridays to seeing new patients and catching up on paperwork. So she doesn't see returning patients and I was able to get in this week!! Sheesh!
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I had my first mammogram this morning. My birthday is Saturday and I turn 35. Not old...but a recent announcement by a famous TV host made me really think. She's only 36. A year older than I. She's done IVF. I've done 3. I know there are no proven studies that show people who do IVF are more prone to cancer, but I can't help but think that all these hormones I pump into my body can't be all that great for me. The lengths we go to...
Anyway, off topic. Mammograms are not very comfortable. In fact, mine downright was painful. Being squished like a pancake was not fun. I know it's all in the name of prevention and early detection...but you'd think with all the advances in technology, they'd come up with a better way to do these. Anyway, I should have my results in a week.
I guess I'm just mad that the RE didn't order the bloodwork after our first meeting in September. I told him at that point that the only difference between my cycle with Lexi and the cycle I miscarried was that I was on thyroid meds with Lexi's cycle. I told him I wanted my TSH level tested at that time. I just feel that if it had been tested in September that I would have had a few additional weeks to get on thyroid meds...and maybe make the December cycle. December isn't even a chance at this point. January is a glimmer. I'm holding out hope for January.
I have an appointment on Friday with the endo...so hopefully she won't require MORE bloodwork and will accept the results from the test I just had.
Oh and can I complain just a smidge about how LONG it takes to get an appointment??!! I must have called 10 places...each telling me that they are scheduling out to December and January!! Luckily, this Endo dedicates Fridays to seeing new patients and catching up on paperwork. So she doesn't see returning patients and I was able to get in this week!! Sheesh!
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I had my first mammogram this morning. My birthday is Saturday and I turn 35. Not old...but a recent announcement by a famous TV host made me really think. She's only 36. A year older than I. She's done IVF. I've done 3. I know there are no proven studies that show people who do IVF are more prone to cancer, but I can't help but think that all these hormones I pump into my body can't be all that great for me. The lengths we go to...
Anyway, off topic. Mammograms are not very comfortable. In fact, mine downright was painful. Being squished like a pancake was not fun. I know it's all in the name of prevention and early detection...but you'd think with all the advances in technology, they'd come up with a better way to do these. Anyway, I should have my results in a week.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Postponed
I'm supposed to be starting Lupron today...instead I got a call from my RE's office this morning stating that my TSH levels were really high (over 5) and that they won't cycle me until it's below a 2. While I understand why they are postponing me...it doesn't make the news any easier to swallow.
Plus, I'm nauseous today. Hugging the porcelin god is not how I wanted to start the day.
I'm feeling to yucky to really write anymore...
Plus, I'm nauseous today. Hugging the porcelin god is not how I wanted to start the day.
I'm feeling to yucky to really write anymore...
Friday, October 14, 2011
If I knew then...
I received my box o' drugs from the UPS man this morning. If I knew then what I know now, we would have used my husband's HMO insurance back then. As much as it's a pain to get referrals and approvals and such...I only paid $103 for all my meds. Yep. $50 co pay for the Lupron. $50 co pay for the Endometrin and a $3 co pay for the antibiotic. Nada for the F0llistim or men0pur. Those were 100% covered by the insurance. So any readers out there in mandated states...use the HMO's to your advantage!!
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I had my saline ultrasound done yesterday. Holy cramping! It wasn't fun. But everything checked out. So I'm happy about that.
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I'm surprisingly nervous about this cycle. I mean, it's nothing new to us...we've done it before. But I think that it being the last opportunity and having a brand new RE are making me a little anxious. I start Lupron on Tuesday...I can't believe this is here already!
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I had my saline ultrasound done yesterday. Holy cramping! It wasn't fun. But everything checked out. So I'm happy about that.
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I'm surprisingly nervous about this cycle. I mean, it's nothing new to us...we've done it before. But I think that it being the last opportunity and having a brand new RE are making me a little anxious. I start Lupron on Tuesday...I can't believe this is here already!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
IVF #4 schedule
Got my schedule for this cycle. I've never done IVF at a clinic that does "batches" so this is new to me. I'm already on bcp and prenatals...
Lupron starts October 18th
Baseline appointment - November 2nd (lets hope that any cysts I may have shrink before then!)
Start stims - November 4th (if all is ok with my baseline)
Monitoring appointments - November 9th, 11th and 13th
ER - Week of November 14th (depends on how many days I stim)
ET - 3 days later.
If I follow all my previous cycles...and stim for 12 days...November 16th looks like ER. Another Wednesday. My past 2 ER's have been on Wednesdays. Which means another Saturday ET. I know where that puts me for an EDD. But I don't want to think that far ahead. I don't want to jinx anything.
Now I wait for the pharmacy to call to confirm the drugs and give me the amount due. I'm petrified it's going to be some crazy amount. I hope it's not.
I'll be on Follistim and Menopur again. And Ovidrel for trigger. This RE only does PIO after ER up until ET...then he does vaginal suppositories 3x a day. I guess it's both a good and bad thing. No 2 inch needles every night...but must deal with the discharge from the suppository. Just breathe...
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In other news. Lexi had her first dentist appointment today. We've been prepping her for a few weeks now...showing her how to open her mouth wide and pretending to count her teeth. She was actually excited to go and readily hopped into the chair. She did EXCELLENT. She even let the dentist do a cleaning and floride treatment on her. No squirmies. I think the cleaning went so well because Lexi has a Tigger spin brush that she uses...so I told her that it would be just like using the Tigger toothbrush. She was awesome. As usual.
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Holy crap...I just got a phone call from the insurance confirming my prescriptions! The nurse just called them in about an hour ago...talk about fast service. The pharmacy themselves has to give me the co pay amounts...and I should hear from them either later today or tomorrow. They are shipping the drugs for delivery on FRIDAY! OMG!! Breathe....breathe...breathe....
Lupron starts October 18th
Baseline appointment - November 2nd (lets hope that any cysts I may have shrink before then!)
Start stims - November 4th (if all is ok with my baseline)
Monitoring appointments - November 9th, 11th and 13th
ER - Week of November 14th (depends on how many days I stim)
ET - 3 days later.
If I follow all my previous cycles...and stim for 12 days...November 16th looks like ER. Another Wednesday. My past 2 ER's have been on Wednesdays. Which means another Saturday ET. I know where that puts me for an EDD. But I don't want to think that far ahead. I don't want to jinx anything.
Now I wait for the pharmacy to call to confirm the drugs and give me the amount due. I'm petrified it's going to be some crazy amount. I hope it's not.
I'll be on Follistim and Menopur again. And Ovidrel for trigger. This RE only does PIO after ER up until ET...then he does vaginal suppositories 3x a day. I guess it's both a good and bad thing. No 2 inch needles every night...but must deal with the discharge from the suppository. Just breathe...
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In other news. Lexi had her first dentist appointment today. We've been prepping her for a few weeks now...showing her how to open her mouth wide and pretending to count her teeth. She was actually excited to go and readily hopped into the chair. She did EXCELLENT. She even let the dentist do a cleaning and floride treatment on her. No squirmies. I think the cleaning went so well because Lexi has a Tigger spin brush that she uses...so I told her that it would be just like using the Tigger toothbrush. She was awesome. As usual.
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Holy crap...I just got a phone call from the insurance confirming my prescriptions! The nurse just called them in about an hour ago...talk about fast service. The pharmacy themselves has to give me the co pay amounts...and I should hear from them either later today or tomorrow. They are shipping the drugs for delivery on FRIDAY! OMG!! Breathe....breathe...breathe....
Monday, October 3, 2011
And so it begins
AF arrived on Saturday...and with that I called it in to my RE. I go on the 13th for an HSG, a pratice transfer and to return our consent forms. Tomorrow, we have to get blood drawn for our infectious disease testing (this always makes me giggle for some reason...the wording, not the tests themselves). BCP and prenatals are being called into my local pharmacy. The nurse will call me later this week with actual dates, since they do ERs and ETs in batches. IVF #4, our final attempt, has begun.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Consult for IVF#4
We had our consult with the new RE on Tuesday. I had all my records from my previous RE, OB/GYN as well as DH's urologist. The new RE was impressed. I guess it pays to be organized and anal about things. LOL!
Anyway, I liked him. He reminds me of Mart.in Sh0rt. But with glasses. We talked about the 3 previous cycles we did and he said he would study all the records I brought him so that we can come up with the best plan of action. He is going to change up my protocol a little, which I'm not thrilled about, but he said it's because of my age and he wants to get the best eggs possible.
I'm to call when I get my period in October so they can start me on bcp. I'll have a uterine ultrasound done on the day we go in to sign the 6 inches of legal paperwork involved with IVF. He does his IVF's in groups...so I'm set for the November group. Which means a late November/early December ER and ET. Just in time for the holidays. Great! (enter sarcasm here)
I'm happy to get things moving. But extremely nervous at the same time. Knowing this is the last cycle. Please G0d...
Anyway, I liked him. He reminds me of Mart.in Sh0rt. But with glasses. We talked about the 3 previous cycles we did and he said he would study all the records I brought him so that we can come up with the best plan of action. He is going to change up my protocol a little, which I'm not thrilled about, but he said it's because of my age and he wants to get the best eggs possible.
I'm to call when I get my period in October so they can start me on bcp. I'll have a uterine ultrasound done on the day we go in to sign the 6 inches of legal paperwork involved with IVF. He does his IVF's in groups...so I'm set for the November group. Which means a late November/early December ER and ET. Just in time for the holidays. Great! (enter sarcasm here)
I'm happy to get things moving. But extremely nervous at the same time. Knowing this is the last cycle. Please G0d...
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Sockeroo 2011
Kym over at The Smartness ran her Sock Exchange again this year and I finally decided I would participate. The theme this year was :
It has been roughly a year and a half since the last SITM Exchange. Reflect on the past 18 or so months – how has support from others, either in the blogosphere or otherwise, helped you?
I can't even begin to describe what kind of support I've received over the last 18+ months. Everything from advice on parenting, to virtual hugs during my miscarriage, to just saying "I hear you". There are a number of women that I have "met" via this blog who I am now friends with over on that Social Networking site. And who I feel really know me. Even though we've never met face to face, or talked on the phone, I feel a kinship with them. I laugh when they laugh, and I cry when they cry. I haven't just received support over these last 18 months...I've made lifelong friends. Friends I hope to meet face to face one day so our children can play (or get married lol!). I'm not sure where I would be today if I hadn't decided to start this blog 4 years ago...
And my sock love comes from Molly over at McPolish! Thank you Molly! I've already worn my socks a few times!
It has been roughly a year and a half since the last SITM Exchange. Reflect on the past 18 or so months – how has support from others, either in the blogosphere or otherwise, helped you?
I can't even begin to describe what kind of support I've received over the last 18+ months. Everything from advice on parenting, to virtual hugs during my miscarriage, to just saying "I hear you". There are a number of women that I have "met" via this blog who I am now friends with over on that Social Networking site. And who I feel really know me. Even though we've never met face to face, or talked on the phone, I feel a kinship with them. I laugh when they laugh, and I cry when they cry. I haven't just received support over these last 18 months...I've made lifelong friends. Friends I hope to meet face to face one day so our children can play (or get married lol!). I'm not sure where I would be today if I hadn't decided to start this blog 4 years ago...
And my sock love comes from Molly over at McPolish! Thank you Molly! I've already worn my socks a few times!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Lost interest
What do you do when you've lost all interest in sex? That is where I am right now...and it's causing a huge rift between DH and I. It's been over 2 months since our last initimate connection. It's not for his lack of trying though. I just don't ever feel "in the mood". DH and I argue on a regular basis...and it all stems from our lack of sex life. From my inability to give him what he desires...again. What he doesn't seem to understand is that this problem is affecting me just as much as it is him...I'm just better at hiding it...of pushing it down into the recesses of my brain so that I don't have to feel broken again. But broken is exactly how I feel. And I suspect that it all stems from our IF diagnosis. But I can't be 100% sure. I mean, I know that is about when I began to lose interest. Before we started seeing the RE, sex became something that was done at a specific time of the month in order to acheive a goal...having a baby. When we had to start seeing the RE, I never was able to get back to the "sex for enjoyment" mindset I had before trying for a baby. And it's snowballed from there. And I don't know what to do about it.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Got my insurance referral
I received my insurance referral to the new RE today. I also went for preliminary blood work this morning and I have to pick up my PAP results that are ready at my old OB's office. The only thing I'm waiting on are my records from the old RE's office*
*Though I'm now not sure if IVF#4 is even going to happen. Long story that I don't feel like posting about right now.
*Though I'm now not sure if IVF#4 is even going to happen. Long story that I don't feel like posting about right now.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
10 years
10 years have past...though it seems like yesterday.
I will never forget.
In memory of the almost 3000 lives lost...and the thousands of service men and women who have given their lives since...so that we may continue to live free.
I will never forget.
In memory of the almost 3000 lives lost...and the thousands of service men and women who have given their lives since...so that we may continue to live free.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Again
I've made my appointment to see a new RE for our last IVF cycle. After much debate, we decided to go with this clinic. Well, I decided...my DH is indifferent. Why did I choose this one over the 3 others that the ob could have referred me to? Well, one was ruled out because of the distance I'd have to travel for monitoring etc...an hour each way. Plus, they didn't have very many cycles for women over 35 in their success rates on the CDC's website. Like, they performed 1 in 2009. The rest were all younger patients. Another clinic was ruled out because of my personal feelings for one of the RE's in that practice. I don't like her one bit. She was my first RE...the one who left the clinic I was at and didn't tell any of her patients. So that ruled out clinic #2. So, I was left with the one I chose and one other one. I ultimately chose this one because of it's University affliliation versus being a strictly private practice. It's my opinion (right or wrong, it's mine) that University clinic's are more cutting edge and up to speed on the latest and greatest versus the private practices. Again, right or wrong, it's my opinion and I'm entitled to it.
So in 10 days, I will meet with my new RE and go over the last 4 years of treatment. I've requested my medical records from my old RE (to the tune of $50...what doctor charges that much??!!) as well as my OB. I should have them in time for the appointment.
DH's insurance will lapse on February 29th next year...so we have to have everything done by then or else we'll have to pay for another year of his insurance coverage. AF came on 9/2, so I'm hoping that I can start bc with my October period...and maybe, if I'm lucky, stims will start in November...which means a December ER and ET. Not the greatest timing...but I would still have 2 months "play" in that schedule.
As for how I'm feeling...I'm nervous. My previous RE got me pg both times I cycled there. I hope this new RE will be open to following the same, or a slightly modified, version of my last protocols. I'm just afraid he will change things up so much that if it doesn't work I won't know if it's because of the change in protocol or not. Anyway, listen to me rambling...I haven't even met him yet.
Our last chance is starting...
So in 10 days, I will meet with my new RE and go over the last 4 years of treatment. I've requested my medical records from my old RE (to the tune of $50...what doctor charges that much??!!) as well as my OB. I should have them in time for the appointment.
DH's insurance will lapse on February 29th next year...so we have to have everything done by then or else we'll have to pay for another year of his insurance coverage. AF came on 9/2, so I'm hoping that I can start bc with my October period...and maybe, if I'm lucky, stims will start in November...which means a December ER and ET. Not the greatest timing...but I would still have 2 months "play" in that schedule.
As for how I'm feeling...I'm nervous. My previous RE got me pg both times I cycled there. I hope this new RE will be open to following the same, or a slightly modified, version of my last protocols. I'm just afraid he will change things up so much that if it doesn't work I won't know if it's because of the change in protocol or not. Anyway, listen to me rambling...I haven't even met him yet.
Our last chance is starting...
Friday, September 2, 2011
Sock it to me!
I received my socks in the mail today! Kind of amazing that they arrived so quickly...but I chalk that up to the fact that my sock sister is Molly, over here. And since Molly lives in the same state as me...hell, she lives less than 50 miles from me...it explains why a package that was mailed on Saturday arrived on my doorstep today.
I LOVE them. Thanks Molly! I will think of you and all my blog sisters whenever I don them!
And my sock sister should be getting her package this week. I was a slacker and just mailed them today :(.
Yea yea...I know I'm early in my post...and I have the whole reflection to do...but if I don't get something going now...it will be December before I remember!
I LOVE them. Thanks Molly! I will think of you and all my blog sisters whenever I don them!
Yea yea...I know I'm early in my post...and I have the whole reflection to do...but if I don't get something going now...it will be December before I remember!
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