11 days

In 2009, when Lexi was 5 months old, we drove to PA to visit some family.  We went wine tasting in NorthEast and then went up to Niagara Falls. 

In 2010, we drove up to Wisconsin Dells for a long weekend.  Lexi was about 16 months old.

In 2011, we didn't go anywhere.

In 2012, we went to a local resort for another long weekend.  We went to an indoor waterpark and indoor amusement park, went antiqueing and had dinner at a riverfront restaurant.

Now, in 2013...in 11 days to be exact...we will be taking Lexi on her first ever plane ride.  We're heading off to see the House that Walt built.  Excited does not even cover the realm of emotions I'm feeling.  We've kept this a secret from Lexi since the initial planning stages began back in January.  And she won't be told until 2 days before we leave.  I'm excited to tell her.  We've been using TinkerBell as a means to try to move her back into her own bedroom...telling her that Tink comes, but because she isn't in her room, Tink can't find her.  And if Tink can't find her...she can't tell Cinderella and all the other princesses that Lexi wants to visit DisneyWorld.  And you know, you can't visit without an invitation from Cinderella.

Anyway, it's worked in that she at least starts in her room, but usually still wakes a few hours later and makes her way into our room.  She's not yet slept a whole night in her room.  Every morning she wakes up and tells me that Tink didn't come.  And I tell her that Tink may have come...but after Lexi had already left her room.  She's been a little defeated lately, so today I told her that I would call Tink and tell her that Lexi really is trying, and how proud I am that she is.  That cheered her up.

So next week, a "package" will be delivered to Lexi from Cinderella.  It contains the below wording:

Pack your bags, get ready to go.  You're off on an advenure, to a place you might know.  It's home to Mickey and Minnie, Donald and Goofy too.  Cinderella and Belle and too many more to tell you.  Have you guessed where you're going?  Do you have any clue?  Open your package and your mom and dad will tell you!  Love, Mickey and the Gang!

Her package contains 2 new dresses, an autograph book, our MagicBands, our luggage tags and the itineraries that arrived today.  I'm hoping that she gets it and will be excited.  I know I am.

The other thing I'm so excited about is experiencing WDW with her.  When I was last there, back in 2001, I remember feeling so nostalgic.  Of being overwhelmed by the emotion of wanting to one day, bring my child there.  I thought infertility was going to rob me of that opportunity.  But it didn't.  We fought through and came out on the other side.  Battered and bruised but with Lexi in our arms.  I know that I'm going to be overcome with emotions...heck, watching Tarzan with her yesterday caused tears to well up...but I hope that we make memories with her that will stay with her. 

Life after Chapter 7

I had a comment on my last post about life after filing bankruptcy.  The person was surprised that we have been able to buy a new truck and go on a trip to Disney so soon after filing.  I'm happy to share our experiences.

Before we filed bankruptcy we had roughly $30K in debt.  Credit cards mostly.  There were some medical bills thrown in there.We were paying close to $900 a month in minimum payments.  In 2011 I had signed up with a debt management company who negotiated lower interest rates on my cards, but my payment to them was still $595...the other $300 went to DH's credit cards that we didn't include on the DMP.  Our mortgage was almost $2K as well.  All of this was "fine" while DH was working.  And I say "fine" meaning we were scraping by.  Once he was let go in December 2011 we had to pinch every penny.  When our tax refund came in we relied on that to pay our monthly debts.  When that was gone we used up my bonus and savings.  We made it until September before we knew we were in trouble.  No job, no money left.   The summer was lean for us...we didn't go anywhere or do anything that cost money.  I remember going to our Village festival and trying to scrape up $21 so Lexi could ride some of the rides.  She got to ride 7 rides for that money (this year we spent $20 on an unlimited ride band that went from 1-5 and she must have rode 50 times). 

Deciding to file wasn't an easy choice.  We knew that by filing it would follow us for the next 10 years.  But we had our house...and we were planning on keeping it. 

Up until we filed, all of our bills had been on time.  Yes, we had alot of debt...and our debt to income ratio wasn't good...but we only had a few instances on our credit reports of being 30 days late.  And by few, I mean less than 10 instances in the whole report.  So when the attorney told us to stop paying everything in order to afford the $1350 fees, it went against everything that I was taught.

Anyway, we filed in November 2012 and at the same time, I applied for a mortgage loan modification with our mortgage company.  Our bankruptcy (bk) was discharged in February 2013 and our mortgage modification was finalized in April.  We no longer pay the $900 in monthly payments...and our mortgage was reduced by $400.  DH started a job in January...so we have his income (1/2 of what I bring home) now. 

Our cars were a 1997 Ford F-150 and a 2005 Ford Escape.  The 97 wasn't very reliable, but we didn't want to give up the truck...it came in handy for a lot of uses.  When we bought the new truck (it's a 2009) we weren't even sure we would get approved for the loan.  Turns out, my credit score only took a 100 point hit so I was still above 600.  Our loan is at 8% through Ally...so we didn't get a great rate because of the BK.  Our monthly payment is $341, plus $60 per month in insurance. 

Because DH didn't work at all in 2012...our tax refund was substantial and I received a good bonus.  That money hasn't been touched...some is for Disney, the rest stays in savings. 

I've researched and researched for Disney.  Our whole trip is costing us just over $3K for everything...airfare, hotel, transportation, park tickets, dining.  Everything except souvenirs.  Even that, I've been purchasing things here (Disney store, Target etc) to take with to give to Lexi so that we save on the cost of things. 

In all, after filing we reduced our monthly costs by $1300...added a $400 expense (truck)...so that nets us positive $900.  We try to save that money every month...but it's still hard.  We went for so long without that it's nice to be able to have again.  We're by no means splurging on things...but we're not as tight with our money as we were in the past.  The one thing we don't do is have any credit cards.  The truck payment will rebuild my credit...the mortgage will help as well...but we do need to get DH a card so he can start rebuilding his credit score.

You'd be shocked at how many pre-approval offers for credit cards and car loans we received in the 60 days after our BK discharged.  It was INSANE!  They all went in the trash.

So that's it.  If you have specific questions...feel free to comment, or send me a FB PM.

Where has time gone?

Where has almost 5 months gone?  I've been really bad at blogging lately.  I think about it...and have posts in my head, but they never make it to print.  A brief run down:

In May
   bought a new truck
   caught the husband spending his lunches with the "other woman" from last year
   bad month for me

In June
   spent alot of time in my counselors office
   spent alot of time watching BlackHawks hockey
   tried to pick up the pieces

In July
   Went blueberry picking
   continued seeing my therapist
   continued trying to pick up the pieces

In August
   qualified for a regional poker tournament (but can't attend because I'll be in Florida)
   qualified for a tournament of champions poker tournament (that I WILL be attending)
   Lexi starts Pre-K again
   final payment for our Disney trip due

We're heading to DisneyWorld in less than 8 weeks!  This trip was planned and airfare purchased before the crap that went down in May.  Jeez, it seems like so long ago, but it was only a few short months!  I'm very excited for the trip...moreso because I can't wait to tell Lexi.  I don't plan on telling her until the Wednesday night before we leave.  And I'm hoping to have something spectacular planned!  I want to get a HUGE box, fill it with the things I've bought her so far (a new Ariel dress, a new Minnie Mouse game for her Innotab, TinkerBell jewelry, an autograph book, a new suitcase) and mylar and latex helium filled balloons with the tickets.  I want the box to get put on the front porch and the doorbell rang...and have her bring it in.  I want to put DisneyWorld as the return address and decorate the box with images of Mickey, Minnie, Pluto and Donald.  I want to make an invitation signed by all the "princesses" inviting her to visit them at their "home" in Florida.  I want to see the look on her face when she finally understands that she is getting what she's been asking ALL year for.  A trip to DisneyWorld.  And I plan to, hopefully, get it all caught on camera. 

I'm excited to see her face as she gets to take her first airplane ride (everytime we pass the airport near our home she comments that "I wish I could fly in an airplane").  I'm excited to see her reaction to everything Disney.  If anything, it will be a brief "vacation" from the mental hell that has been my summer.

Mish Mash

• On the 16th we took Lexi for her 4 year old photos (yes, a month yearly).  If you're friends with me on Facebook...they are there.  She looks so grown up that it makes me a little sad.  I do love this age though...she's blossoming into this bright, energetic little person with ideas and opinions and...oh the DEALS she makes to get what she wants.  It's a I'll do this for you if you do this for me kinda thing.  It makes me laugh everytime she asks me if we have a deal.  But I know she's learning to compromise and barter, and it makes it worth it.
• My bird died on the 21st.  He was a cockatiel just 2 months shy of 13 years old.  I've had him since the day he hatched...and hand fed him until he was old enough to feed himself.  He liked to sit on my shoulder, or eat chicken or spaghetti off my plate.  Well, that was before I had dogs and a kid.  I actually feel a little guilty that his last few years of life were spent in his cage instead of where he loved to be.  On my shoulder.  His cage was in my office, so I'd see him everyday...talk to him a little...and get my work done.  His cage sits empty now and when I glance up, I fully expect him to see me and whistle at me...it takes me a minute to remember that he's gone...and it makes me sad.
• I'm still seeing my therapist.  Since H doesn't go anymore, we're working on ways that I can avoid "catching the guilt" that he throws at me on a regular basis.  Guilt for wanting to lose weight and feel better about myself.  Guilt for wanting to spend time with my girlfriends.  Guilt for wanting to just be happy.  I've come to the conclusion that even if I gave H what he wants (sex) it wouldn't change things. 
• It's been almost a year since I've been intimate with my husband.  I cant' believe I'm actually admitting that.  April 21st of 2012 was the last time.  Says alot about our relationship.
• We're planning a trip to DisneyWorld in October.  More because Lexi is still in that "belief" stage and really believes that Cinderella lives in the Castle there.  We want to take her before she loses that innocence. 

Knocked down

I feel like whenever I try to do something positive to try and pick myself up, H is always knocking me back down.

I'm fat...I've gained 70lbs in the 10 years I've been with H.  At the beginning of the year, I vowed, again, that I would lose it once and for all.  And each time I was met with resistance:

Me: I'm thinking about getting a treadmill
H: What the heck for?

Me: I want to lose 90 lbs
H: Who do you want to lose weight for all of a sudden?

Me: (Looking at the Color Run website) This might be fun
H: Why are you suddenly into running and losing weight?

Me: I want to feel good about myself again
H:  Well, I love you the way you are.  (said in a tone that implied I should as well)

Mind you...these conversations have all happened on different days...at different times.  I feel like no matter what I'm being pushed back down.  And I don't like it.

I bought my treadmill yesterday...it's sitting in my dining room.  I want it in the basement.  We'll see how long it takes before I have to ask my neighbor to help take it down for me.

Having the conversation

It started as me asking him to please see a counselor on his own.  That I know things have been stressful and maybe he can vent to someone who can provide some perspective.  It quickly became a "bash Amy" session. 

He doesn't think he needs counseling...his stress comes from me and if I "fix" me his stress will go away.

I'm NOT broken

Seperation was brought up...not as a path to divorce, but as a means to "start over"

He says I'm selfish because my priorities are Lexi, Me, Him...in that order.  And not Lexi, Him, Me.  He thinks I should put him before myself.

Among other things, I've screwed him by making us go bankrupt, I'm a princess who gets angry when I don't get my way, and I haven't tried to make things work...even though he has.

He says he is willing to anything to save our marriage...can't imagine life without me...but yet he won't see the counselor?

My therapist says I'm easily manipulated and he's taking advantage of that. 

I'm so confused, hurt, angry, sad...

Getting to know me

Sorry I've been absent from this place.  DH has been known to frequent my blog and I'm not comfortable being completely honest here anymore.  So any posts feel like a fib...but I'm going to try to be honest in this post.

• Lexi is still sleeping in our room.  I've given up trying to put her to bed in her bed at night...sitting with her for over an hour waiting for her to fall asleep, only to have her come into my room 90 minutes later was getting tiring.  Now, she goes to bed in the toddler bed in our room and sleeps all night.  I don't care at this point.  She's sleeping...we're sleeping...
• DH got a full time job...HALLELUAH! 
• Above full time job means he is no longer attending counseling with me.  I'm trying to get him to go on his own...but it's falling on deaf ears.
• Above full time job also means Lexi is back in daycare on Mondays and my mom is coming back out 2 days a week to watch Lexi...I have her while I work from home the other 2 days a week.  Thank the Lord for a flexible manager.
• Things haven't been good between DH and I.  It's a wake up call when your counselor suggests a seperation. 
• I don't know how to begin to have said conversation with DH as the suggestion came in a session he didn't attend.

Getting by

After my long whiney post, I'll update and say she blamed technology...stating she never got my texts or messages.  Whatever.  I made nice...but I won't put myself in the same position again.  Nuff said.

We found out last week that because of the "Fiscal Cliff", Congress put the kabosh on Tier II unemployment benefits.  The benefits we were counting on from 12/29 - April.  So DH's benefits will cease 12/29/12.  Merry Christmas to us.  We will be able to "get by" with just my paycheck.  And by get by, I mean squeak through the month paying mortgage, utlities, kiddo's tuition and have $500 to split between groceries, gas for cars and any incidentals.  I know...I know.  We can do it.  It's possible.  It will be hard...but possible.  Thanks to the bankruptcy and not having $30K in debt looming over us. 

Rant - warning long and whiney

I'm posting this here because I can't post it on FB...

I'm so angry/hurt/pissed right now.  What would you do if your so called best friend, your sister from another mother, stood you up on Thanksgiving?  No calls, no texts...no responses to YOUR texts/calls/emails?  You KNOW she's not injured or dead somewhere, because she's posting on FB.

That is what I'm dealing with right now.

Here's the background story. 

October 20th - me, DH, B (her) and her husband J get together.  We discuss B and I getting together for my birthday.  Plans are made for the 22nd at 9am.  We also discuss them coming over for Thanksgiving.  They accept.

October 22nd 9am - Text B asking if we were still on for the day.  No reply.  11:30am.  Call B asking what's up?  No reply.  1:30pm Call B saying please call me.  No reply.  5:30pm - I receive a text from J saying they had been in the ER since 10am because B was in pain (she has fibro and 3 bad discs in her back).  OK...understand.  Frustrated that no one told me earlier...but whatevs.

November 6th - DH and J are playing in our poker league.  DH thinks he sees J stealing poker chips (again) makes a comment.  DH and J have words that night. 

November 13th - My week to play in our poker league.  I speak to J and agree that DH didn't handle the situation in the best manner.  He mentions that B thinks I'm mad at her about my birthday.  J and I square everything away and I commit to calling B the next day.

November 14th - Call B.  Send the below email when I get voice mail:
Since you're not taking my calls or returning my texts I figured email was the next best thing.

I don't know what happened to make you go radio silent these last few weeks. I wish you'd tell me. I've sent numerous texts with no reply.

If this is about my birthday...I'm not mad. I never was...ok I was...a little. I was upset that my calls to you that morning and my texts went unanswered and that it wasn't until 5pm that I finally knew what was going on. But once I got J's text about where you were, I wasn't mad anymore...a little frustrated that I didn't know sooner, but not mad.
If this is about what happened between J and C last week at poker...well, I can only comment on what C told me...and from what he told me...I think he was wrong. He should have either went to poker J privately, or pulled J aside privately. I don't agree with the way he handled it. But that's all I can say. I couldn't care less if J was or wasn't pocketing chips...it's FREE poker for crying out loud. It's not the WSOP.

Anyway, I know I've been busy too...stressed to the limit more like it. But that's an email for another day.

I wish you'd tell me what's going on. We've been friends for way too long to hold grudges against each other...

Love,
Me

She calls me right as I hit send.  Have heart to heart with her.  She was upset about the DH and J thing...I tell her she can't be upset with me over something DH said...plus I wasn't even present when it went down.  I also tell her that I wasn't mad about my birthday...that I was frustrated that they didn't let me know what was going on sooner...and that I waited home all day for her call.  She agrees that she should have called sooner.  We hang up on a great note.  She posts on my FB page that she was glad we talked and she loves me.  I reply I love her too.

November 19th - Get a text from J that they may not come for Thanksgiving because it would be awkward since DH and he haven't spoken for 2 weeks.

November 20th - DH's poker league week.  He and J speak and from what DH tells me, they worked everything out. 

November 21st - DH gets a text from J saying they are 50/50 because B is having a Fibro flare.  Text says they will let us know about Thanksgiving.

November 22nd - Thanksgiving.  I text J at 11am asking how B is doing.  No reply.  I text B at roughly 12pm...no reply.  At 1:15 I see B post a "Happy Thanksgiving" post on FB (says posted 2 minutes ago).  I call B.  No answer.  Leave message asking her to please call me and let me know about dinner and that I need to know if they are coming.  Dinner is at 3pm.  No calls, no texts, nothing.  DH texts J after dinner when he sees how upset I am.  No reply.  I send the below email to B at roughly 9pm...

Hi. First, I want to say that I hope you are feeling well. Second, I want to say that I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
That being said...I am so unbelievably hurt right now. After we talked last week and I explained to you why I was upset on my birthday. That the ONE thing that upset me was that you didn't call to let me know what was going on. That a call to explain what was happening would have been enough. But yet the same thing happened today. I texted you, I called you. No response. Even though I called/texted within minutes of you posting on Facebook...so I knew you weren't sleeping, or that your battery wasn't dead.

I think of you as family...as my sister from another mother. I invited you to my family dinner...but yet you didn't show. You didn't call. That hurt.

I don't even know what to think right now...my heart hurts too much.
To date, I have not received any replies.  No explanation as to what happened...why they didn't come.  She's since ceased posting on my wall on FB and "liking" things I post.  

So, this is a long winded way of asking...do I cut my losses?  We've been friends since 1990!  I'm torn and heartbroken at the same time.  It's supposed to be my night at our poker league...but I'm not going, DH is going in my place.  I don't want to see J because I might break out in tears.  I'm also afraid of getting a call from the local PD that J and DH got into a fight and I have to come bail him out. 

B and I have a long history together.  22 years of friendship...

Kim, I now know what you must have felt like last year when you were dealing with your issues. 

Done

It's done.  We are officially the 44,936th bankruptcy case in our district.

This is going to sound really bad...but I'm SO glad.  Don't get me wrong...I'm sad that things got to this point.  I'm upset that we weren't in a better position to pay back our debts.  We tried.  We were on a consolidation plan for the last 12 months.  We cut back everywhere we could.  We just weren't able to make ends meet anymore.  Our savings is gone and we have to do what's best for our family.  Unfortunately, this was our best option.  We don't have any equity in our house, so our home is exempt.  Our cars are all old (1997 & 2005), so they are exempt.  We own nothing of value that our attorney believes the trustees would make us sell.   It was sad to see the state of our finances all on paper.  Our "means" test gave us $11 a month in disposable income.  But I'm happy that we will be able to start with a clean slate.  It's a huge stressor that's been lifted.  Obviously, we still need to meet with the trustee and wait for the discharge, but the phone calls will stop.  The letters will stop.  Maybe I can sleep at night again. 

Updates

• Lexi still hasn't slept a full night in her own bed.  We've moved the toddler bed into our room so that when she wakes at night she comes in and climbs into the bed...mostly without waking us.  There are some nights she walks into our room by 10pm and others where it's 2 or 3am before she comes in.  She always starts in her room, in her bed...but always ends up in the toddler bed.  Any advice?  Should we just let her continue and eventually she'll sleep through?
• We're going today to file our Chapter 7 bankruptcy.  I'm sad and nervous, yet relieved at the same time. 
• I'm hosting Thanksgiving again this year.  I have to keep my eye on the calendar so I take the turkey out of the freezer on time.  He needs to be thawed by Wednesday so he can brine overnight.  Saturday is my "take out turkey day"!
• I'm also hosting Christmas again.  My sister is coming in from VA with her BF, but not until 2 days after Christmas.  My mom is not pleased and is making things difficult for me.  But I will not let it ruin my holidays.
• I have no idea what to write down on my Christmas grab bag list.  We decided on a $50 limit...but I have no clue what I want.  I know what I NEED...so those things may make the list.  Things like a new pair of shoes, jeans etc.
• Though I've been really wanting a facial...I had told DH that when I get my check for working the election I was going to use it for a facial...maybe I'll save it and put a facial on my list.
• Lexi's gifts are pretty much done.  Have been since August.  There might be one or two other things I pick up...but it's going to be a tight year.

2 years

and it feels like just yesterday.   Today, I'm thinking of you, sweet Baby.  I love you...and I miss you everyday.

Down this road

We met with a Bankruptcy attorney on Friday.  We will be filing Chapter 7 as soon as we come up with the $1350 in costs to file.  The attorney was VERY nice.  I had thought I'd feel like he was judging us...or looking down on us.  But in fact, he made me feel the opposite.  He made me feel like this was a good option for us, given what we have in debts.  That we shouldn't be ashamed that it's come to this.  I'm still not happy that things have gone this way...but it's a HUGE stress relief knowing that I won't have these bills hovering over me anymore.  That our creditors won't be able to call us and harass us.  Though it does go against everything I've learned to NOT pay our creditors...but that was his advice.  Stop paying, save the money to come up with our filing fees, and file.

We're also looking into a loan modification for our mortgage. 

This is a hard road to be on...very rocky and uncertain for us.  But we're trying to remain in the center of the road so we don't fall off the sides.

Hiatus

I took an unexpected blogging hiatus this past month...because things have been stressful.

Long time readers know that DH and I have had our issues.  We've been in counseling once a week since January.  Things would be good for awhile...then we'd get into an argument and things would explode into an all out shouting match...complete with divorce threats.  Things have been much better lately as we try to implement some of the things we've learned in our sessions.  Our finances, however, remain our stressor.

DH is still not working.  It's been 10 months.  Unless something changes, his unemployment will cease in December.  We're squeaking by every month thanks to being "private" clients at our Bank...which means no OD fees when (not if) we fall short, which has been alot lately.  All our bills are current, but our savings is gone.  We have a little money set aside for things for Lexi for school...like the book fair or popcorn day...so she can take $2 or $3 and take part in the activity.  We've pulled her out of her daycare, which she was only going one day a week anyway, but she misses her friends at "little school" and doesn't understand why she can't go anymore. 

We have 2 appointments tomorrow with bankruptcy attorneys for their free consultations.  We don't want to go down this route...but we may not have any other option. 

Sleep issues

We have been having problems the last 3 weeks with Lexi going to bed.   Previously, we would put her to bed and she'd happily read her books or play with her Tigger until she fell asleep.  About the time she started PreSchool, she also started not going to bed easily.  She'll scream and cry in terror.  We've resorted to having almost every light in her room on at night because she's afraid TERRIFIED of something.  But she's not able to articulate what it is that she's afraid of.  Often telling us she's afraid of the pictures on the walls, the rocking chair, the hamper etc.  I often sit right outside her open bedroom door until she falls asleep...DH doesn't.  He gives her 2 options on his night...go to bed, or get spanked.  She chooses to go to bed...but will get up frequently in the middle of the night.  When this happens, I take her in the guest bedroom, where she sleeps in her old toddler bed and I sleep in the guest bed. 

DH hates this.  He thinks I'm coddling her and that she's manipulating me.  Last night, he got up with her and told her to go back to bed or he'd spank her.  She was crying that terrified cry...and calling for me.  It broke my heart.  I expressed that I was heartbroken by her calls...and he said "well then go to her".  So I did...took her in the other room...where she went to bed.  DH was livid with me.  Saying I undermined him.  I guess you could say I did...but only after he said to go to her.

Anyway, anyone have any advice on the sleep issue?  I'm thinking that she's feeling pressured to be a "big girl", with school starting etc and is regressing.  DH thinks she's doing it on purpose so that she can sleep in the room with me.  I just want her to sleep when she needs to, and not to be so afraid. 

Finished

I've posted before that I wanted to make a quilt out of Lexi's baby clothes...but I wanted to practice before I started cutting up those precious itty bitties.  So I started about 3 weeks ago and made a small quilt.  It's about 32" x 32" and is the perfect size for a tummy time mat.  This will be given to a pregnant friend of mine.  I have to say, I think it turned out wonderfully!  There are obvious visibile mistakes, but it's my first time doing ANY kind of sewing project more laborsome than sewing on a button.  If I could go back and do things different...I would have made sure my seams were spot on...I didn't realize how much a 1/4 inch can throw things off.  I also would have used purple thread to quilt it instead of the white.  But in all, I'm proud of it. 

I have one more practice quilt for another pregnant friend.  Then I MIGHT be brave enough to cut up Lexi's clothes. 

First Day

Today was/is Lexi's first day of Preschool.  We've had meetings all week to get ready for the big day.  Monday was a Meet and Greet at her school.  Tuesday was a parent meeting.  Yesterday was parent/teacher conference.  So we've been talking up school to her for awhile.

Nothing could have prepared me for the wave of emotion I felt as she walked into that building.  My baby isn't a baby anymore.  She's an intelligent, well rounded little girl.  And I know she'll kick butt today!  Even if mommy was teary.

Modeling, part duex

I had responded back to the agency last week that yes we were still interested and no we hadn't signed with anyone else.  I received the below email this morning...

Thank you for your submission to XXX's Talent Agency Print Department and your request for representation. A response back to this address within 24 hours is suggested. We are very glad to see that you submitted and would like to reconsider Alexis after her look and presentation is developed further. However, at this time you did not submit adequate, professional material that our agency and the model/talent Industry requires-a composite card. The photos you submitted were perfect to raise our interest as a first step to begin this process, but In order to be strongly considered for a professional's audition with us, it is necessary to obtain up-to-date materials (NOT snapshots, studio portraits or amateur portfolio shots, shots by friends, family, students, cell phones, etc) that are marketable and meet industry guidelines. It is important for a new face to show strong camera presence in this "specific" industry-styled shoot so we can best evaluate if they are right for our roster and compare to other talent we currently represent. Being that you appear new and very serious about this, most parents prefer we refer them to a fashion/lifestyle photographer who is reliable and of quality. Would you like me to refer you to someone that we trust who can assist you with this development so we can reconsider Alexis or would you prefer to pursue this on your own and submit back to us when your new industry-necessary material is complete?  Please email back to this address within the next 24 hours and let me know if I can help point you in the right direction, answer some brief questions or if you received this email.

So they liked her...but want us to get a composite card done.  I have no idea how much something like that would cost.  Guess I'll be doing some research.

Modeling

On a whim, I submitted the below photo of Lexi to a child's talent agency in our city via their website. 

Their site said I would be contacted via email if they are interested in meeting her.  That was 5 weeks ago.  This morning, I pulled up my email to find an email from the talent agency.  It was basically asking for confirmation that we hadn't been signed with another agency and that we were still interested. 

Last time I submitted her photo to this agency, when she was 12 weeks old, I got the standard "thanks for your submission, but no thanks" reply.  So I'm not sure what to make of this email.  I replied back that no, we haven't signed with anyone else, and yes, we're still interested. 

I don't want Lexi to become one of those "toddler and tiara" kids.  I want her to be a regular kid.  I'd only go for print work and things that wouldn't interfere with school.  This agency works with K0hls alot, so those pictures in the K0hls papers you see of the kids...yea, those come from this agency.  It would be nice to pad her college fund.

What are your thoughts on child modeling?  Would you let your kid?

First haircut

Lexi was blessed to have a full head of hair at birth...and it never fell out.  I love her hair...it's blond and curly.  But the ends of her hair...her original baby hair...was so tight in it's curl that it made combing it a horrible experience every morning.  I've known that it needed to be cut.  That we needed to get rid of the tight curls that made our mornings painful (quite literally for her).  But I couldn't do it.  Those locks had been with her since before she entered this world. (You can see her hair in ultrasound photos) 

Last Sunday, I had my mom, a registered cosmetologist, bring her scissors, and we did it.  Lexi was NOT a fan...she was unhappy that we were cutting her hair...but the promise of chocolate cake when we were done was enough to get her to sit still...sobbing, but still. 

In all, only about an inch was cut off...but already, this morning, it was evident that we did the right thing.  It was so much easier to comb this morning.  We actually had no tears.  I have that first lock that was snipped off...to put in her baby book.  I just can't believe we've gotten to the point of haircuts!