Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Rant - warning long and whiney

I'm posting this here because I can't post it on FB...

I'm so angry/hurt/pissed right now.  What would you do if your so called best friend, your sister from another mother, stood you up on Thanksgiving?  No calls, no texts...no responses to YOUR texts/calls/emails?  You KNOW she's not injured or dead somewhere, because she's posting on FB.

That is what I'm dealing with right now.

Here's the background story. 

October 20th - me, DH, B (her) and her husband J get together.  We discuss B and I getting together for my birthday.  Plans are made for the 22nd at 9am.  We also discuss them coming over for Thanksgiving.  They accept.

October 22nd 9am - Text B asking if we were still on for the day.  No reply.  11:30am.  Call B asking what's up?  No reply.  1:30pm Call B saying please call me.  No reply.  5:30pm - I receive a text from J saying they had been in the ER since 10am because B was in pain (she has fibro and 3 bad discs in her back).  OK...understand.  Frustrated that no one told me earlier...but whatevs.

November 6th - DH and J are playing in our poker league.  DH thinks he sees J stealing poker chips (again) makes a comment.  DH and J have words that night. 

November 13th - My week to play in our poker league.  I speak to J and agree that DH didn't handle the situation in the best manner.  He mentions that B thinks I'm mad at her about my birthday.  J and I square everything away and I commit to calling B the next day.

November 14th - Call B.  Send the below email when I get voice mail:
Since you're not taking my calls or returning my texts I figured email was the next best thing.

I don't know what happened to make you go radio silent these last few weeks. I wish you'd tell me. I've sent numerous texts with no reply.

If this is about my birthday...I'm not mad. I never was...ok I was...a little. I was upset that my calls to you that morning and my texts went unanswered and that it wasn't until 5pm that I finally knew what was going on. But once I got J's text about where you were, I wasn't mad anymore...a little frustrated that I didn't know sooner, but not mad.
If this is about what happened between J and C last week at poker...well, I can only comment on what C told me...and from what he told me...I think he was wrong. He should have either went to poker J privately, or pulled J aside privately. I don't agree with the way he handled it. But that's all I can say. I couldn't care less if J was or wasn't pocketing chips...it's FREE poker for crying out loud. It's not the WSOP.

Anyway, I know I've been busy too...stressed to the limit more like it. But that's an email for another day.

I wish you'd tell me what's going on. We've been friends for way too long to hold grudges against each other...


She calls me right as I hit send.  Have heart to heart with her.  She was upset about the DH and J thing...I tell her she can't be upset with me over something DH said...plus I wasn't even present when it went down.  I also tell her that I wasn't mad about my birthday...that I was frustrated that they didn't let me know what was going on sooner...and that I waited home all day for her call.  She agrees that she should have called sooner.  We hang up on a great note.  She posts on my FB page that she was glad we talked and she loves me.  I reply I love her too.

November 19th - Get a text from J that they may not come for Thanksgiving because it would be awkward since DH and he haven't spoken for 2 weeks.

November 20th - DH's poker league week.  He and J speak and from what DH tells me, they worked everything out. 

November 21st - DH gets a text from J saying they are 50/50 because B is having a Fibro flare.  Text says they will let us know about Thanksgiving.

November 22nd - Thanksgiving.  I text J at 11am asking how B is doing.  No reply.  I text B at roughly 12pm...no reply.  At 1:15 I see B post a "Happy Thanksgiving" post on FB (says posted 2 minutes ago).  I call B.  No answer.  Leave message asking her to please call me and let me know about dinner and that I need to know if they are coming.  Dinner is at 3pm.  No calls, no texts, nothing.  DH texts J after dinner when he sees how upset I am.  No reply.  I send the below email to B at roughly 9pm...

Hi. First, I want to say that I hope you are feeling well. Second, I want to say that I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
That being said...I am so unbelievably hurt right now. After we talked last week and I explained to you why I was upset on my birthday. That the ONE thing that upset me was that you didn't call to let me know what was going on. That a call to explain what was happening would have been enough. But yet the same thing happened today. I texted you, I called you. No response. Even though I called/texted within minutes of you posting on Facebook...so I knew you weren't sleeping, or that your battery wasn't dead.

I think of you as family...as my sister from another mother. I invited you to my family dinner...but yet you didn't show. You didn't call. That hurt.

I don't even know what to think right now...my heart hurts too much.
To date, I have not received any replies.  No explanation as to what happened...why they didn't come.  She's since ceased posting on my wall on FB and "liking" things I post.  

So, this is a long winded way of asking...do I cut my losses?  We've been friends since 1990!  I'm torn and heartbroken at the same time.  It's supposed to be my night at our poker league...but I'm not going, DH is going in my place.  I don't want to see J because I might break out in tears.  I'm also afraid of getting a call from the local PD that J and DH got into a fight and I have to come bail him out. 

B and I have a long history together.  22 years of friendship...

Kim, I now know what you must have felt like last year when you were dealing with your issues. 


Anonymous said...

Friendship divorces are the W.O.R.S.T. I can say this now that I've been through it and finally over and accepting of it...giving up on 20+ years of friendship over something so petty and ridiculous is heart breaking. So heart breaking. But you know, now that someone can mention her in a conversation and I not bust out in tears over it.... I'm glad things happened the way they did. I got my years out of the friendship. We had ups and downs, good times and bad times and when it's time to walk away, it hurts, but in the end it's better for yourself, your physical health, your mental health, your FAMILY, and your heart. Love you and let me know if I can do anything for you. You could be my new BFF!

Michelle said...

I read your blog a lot but rarely, if ever, comment, but today when I read this about your friend I felt I could help. Keep in mind this is ME.
I am a straight to the point kind of person. I don't believe in lingering on and on about things. Like I said, keep in mind this is what I would do. I would just go to her house and talk face to face. I would lay it all on the table and let the chips fall where they may. At the end of the conversation, if you feel like you could be still be friends, then so be it. If not, let it go. Life is too short for negativity and stress.
Just my two cents.