How I Met my Husband...part one

I met my husband in the Fall of 1990. We were both freshman in high school, me at the all girl's school, him at the all boy's school across the campus. I can't really recall the exact moment that I first saw him...I do know that he was "dating" one of my friends from grade school and we were at a local mall. He climbed up on top of a huge dumpster and did a King K0ng impression. I thought he was the goofiest guy...weird too. I'm not sure how, but we became pretty good friends. We'd talk on the phone after school, mostly about whatever girl he was currently seeing, and hang out at the mall. Somewhere between that Fall and early the next Spring, I had developed a HUGE crush on him. But I would never, ever let on. I was the quintessential girl friend. I gave him a girl's perspective on life, and a shoulder to vent on. All the while I harbored my feelings. All the girls in my homeroom knew how I felt and each told me I should just ask him out. But I was so afraid that he wouldn't feel the same and that our friendship would never be the same. I needn't have worried. He asked me out in late April and we spent a glorious summer together hanging out at the pool and just enjoying one another. It all came crashing down when he returned from a family vacation in August. Someone had told him I cheated on him while he was gone (I hadn't) and he said he wished he had never asked me out. I remember clearly saying "Will having me out of your life make you happy?" when he answered "Yes", I simply said, "Whatever makes you happy" and quietly hanging up the phone. We didn't speak again for 4 years.

IVF # 2 is underway

Last night I took my last bcp and first Lup0n shot of this cycle. The injection went without a hitch, as everything came back to me and it was like second nature. Scary isn't it?

It's a go

Saw my endo yesterday, Dr. J, and while he did put me on thyroid meds, he said my levels were not at a point to cause him any concern about moving forward with this cycle. Since he really has no stake in if I go now or wait, DH and I decided we would go forward. So tonight is my last bcp and first Lup0n shot. I'm excited and nervous all at once. I can't believe we're actually at the point of cycling again. It's been a long 15 months.

On a side note, my cousin was expecting her 2nd (I'm godmother to her first). Apparently, she had the baby last Wednesday...but we haven't "officially" heard anything. I guess her DH called my sister's boyfriend and told him, who told my sister, who told my mom, who told me. But they don't know the name, or weight. I know she was debating between the names Aiden James (AJ), Connor James (CJ) and Logan James. I know I haven't heard anything because of a tiff going on, which I'll get into in another post, but still...

My old endo to the rescue

I saw an endocrinologist way back in 2005 when I first learned that I had multi-nodular disease (oops, forgot to share that part with everyone) that causes a small goiter on my neck. Most people don't even notice the goiter, including me, but my PCP, whom I LOVE and would recommend to anyone, noticed right away. The endo back then sent me for a thyroid ultrasound and a test (which name escapes me) where they "dye" the thyroid and view it under an MRI (I think it was an MRI) machine. They said my thyroid was currently functioning correctly and I should just follow up. Well, back then, I wasn't interested in following up and never did.

So today, after calling 3 endos in my area and being told that the earliest I could be seen was mid-August, end of September and beginning of October respectively, I hunted down Dr J's phone number through my insurance website. When I called, the receptionist was sympathetic to my plight and said YES, YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE CONCERNED! I now have an appointment on Monday at 2pm. I am breathing a little easier knowing I'm getting another opinion. My gut told me to go with what everyone who commented earlier said...and as much as I don't want to hold off this cycle, depending on what Dr J says, we may do just that.

Thank you again to everyone...you gave me the courage to stand up and call Dr J.

Torn

First, I want to say Thank you to all who left comments regarding the thyroid antibodies. The consensus amongst everyone seems to be to wait on this cycle...and part of me agrees. The other part of me listened to what the RE's office said when I talked to them yesterday and is saying, "They are the experts, they're the doctors...". Basically, my RE is not concerned about the antibodies...she said while they can signal a problem in the future, they are more concerned about my TSH level...which they think is fine. But in thinking about it, I remember on my last cycle they wanted me to have a TSH below 3. Obviously, my TSH isn't near that at this point. I'm scared of making the wrong decision. I'm afraid of going forward and I'm afraid of holding off. I'm supposed to start Lupron on Tuesday...I just don't know what to do yet.

Update: I left a message for an endocrinologist in my area to call me back regarding setting up an appointment. DH and I will have to have a long talk tonight...but when I think about moving forward, my stomach gets all queasy. I take that as a sign...

No news

I haven't heard from my RE's office today regarding my labs. I was so busy at work that I didn't have time to call them, and by the time I remembered...they were closed. SUCKS! So I will have to wait for tomorrow. I also realized last night that my pharmacy never sent me the hcg...um, yea...that's kinda one of the most important meds...without it all the others go to waste. I'm also drawing closer to my lifetime max of $10K on meds. I'm at around $7,600. When I look at the report for what my previous RE ordered and what this one did...the costs this time are far less. Which I'm glad for...just wish I knew then what I know now. Hindsight's 20/20 right?

Labs

This post is more for me to document what my lab results were than anything...feel free to skip it.

Test date: 7/15/08 (gave blood today that's why I have these numbers)
HGB - 13.2
B/P 110/80
Temp 98.6
Pulse 62

Test Date: 7/2/08
Glucose: 92 (normal is 65-99)
Total Cholesterol: 155 (100-199)
Thyroid Peroxidase (TPO): 485 (normal is 0-34)
Antithyroglobulin: 392 (norm is 0-40)
Thyroxine (T4) Free, Direct: 0.94 (normal is 0.61-1.76)
TSH: 4.117 (norm is 0.350-5.500)
Triiodothyronine, Free, Serum: 2.7 (norm is 2.3-4.2)

I faxed the results page to my RE, they are supposed to call me tomorrow.

I'm still spotting...requires a pantyliner now. I'm beginning to think I should postpone this cycle until I can get some answers on the Thyr0id thing. But I've waited over a year to move forward...it's so frustrating to be this close to starting again and having this crap thrown at us.

I've had more medical issues this year than I would have thought...abnormal paps, cervical dysplasia, HPV, arthritis, now this issue. UUUGGGHH! Someone please hit my "normal" button so that I can return to my "healthy" self!

Playing catch up

A few things:

1) I found out my tree was eaten by the Japanese Beetle. Yuck. My neighbors have had similar experiences with their trees (one went to water the tree and about 500 bugs flew off it) so our neighborhood H0me Dep0t has been wiped clean of traps. I managed to get one, my neighbor 2. DH put it on the fence yesterday, and by evening the bag was bulging with all the bugs inside. The good thing is the tree can come back...there are still green buds on the branches.

2) DH had a fabulous time at the race. The night of the race they had perfect weather as a cold front came through that afternoon. Temps were only in the 60s once the sun went down...and no humidity. He took LOTS of pics, but I haven't even looked at all of them yet. I know there are some pretty cool shots of the awesome sunset we had that night over the track.

3) TMI...I've again got mid-cycle spotting. Not enough to warrant a pantyliner even, but it's there when I use the bathroom. It's not red, but brown. This isn't fun.

4) I received a copy of the bloodwork that my PCP ordered for me on Saturday. My thyr0id antibodies were extremely high. Like 485, when normal is less than 100. My PCP only said to let my RE know. When I called the RE's office, they didn't seem concerned, but of course I had to consult Dr G00gle and found this article and immediately became concerned because I start Lupr0n next week for this cycle. I want to have every possible chance at a BFP, and now I find out 1 week before the start that I could have MORE issues than I already know I have?? Anyone have experience with thyr0id antibodies?

Arborists please help

Not sure what those people who know alot about trees are called...is it arborists or botanists? Anyway, I need help. DH and I planted a Little Leaf Linden in our backyard last fall...and the tree has been doing well. It's only about 8 - 10 feet tall at this point, but today I noticed that ALL the leaves are brown. And upon further inspection, their not just brown, but have little holes in all of them. This leads me to believe that my beloved tree has some kind of disease...can anyone tell me what would cause this and what I can do to keep my tree alive?

Alone

No, I'm not feeling down and out. I'm just physically alone...for the whole weekend. See, its race weekend here...and Nas.car fever has been bubbling in my small town. We're approximately 10 miles (if that) from the speedway and all I've seen today is RVs heading east towards the raceway. Now, the actual race isn't until tomorrow, but I dropped hubby off at 6:45 this morning with his buddies. They will be RVing at the speedway until Sunday. Luckily, the also have tickets to get into the race, so as long as the weather cooperates, they'll be trackside. It's not often that I'm home alone for long. I actually don't like being home by myself at night. Now, I know I have my 2 trusty canines to keep me company, but it will be strange not having hubby in the bed next to me. But I'll make the most of it.

I'm working from home today (missed my train b/c I dropped DH off) and tomorrow I'm supposed to spend the day with a girlfriend who just moved back into the area with her DH. Should be an interesting day. Sunday, I have plans with my mom...going to breakfast, shopping, and pedis. Lord knows I NEED A PEDI SO BAD! I'm embarrassed to take my socks off!

Anyway, that's about all I have for now...except that my meds should arrive tomorrow. Yippee! I'll post the obligatory med photo, but most likely not until Sunday as DH took the camera with him!

I've been summoned...

by the county I live in to serve as a juror. Normally, I would be happy to oblige, but the week I'm scheduled to be there is the week I'll be stimming. I have no idea if I'd be able to have all my monitoring appointments done by 7:30am. My county does things a little differently than the other counties I've lived in. They require you to serve for a whole week, or for the duration of a trial, whichever is longer. The best part is, you have to call each night to see if you are in the 8:30am shift or the 1:30pm shift or both. Not something a commuter can really do. So I'm going to have to plead "Hardship" this time around and hope that they can reschedule me for later in the year.

Now, onto more important issues...my protocol. Got my schedule in the mail the other day (I had them mail it since I didn't need injection training again). I will be doing the BCP/Low Dose Long Lupr0n protocol:

Begin bcp 7/2 - done
Last BCP 7/22
Start Lupr0n (10 units) 7/22 once per day btwn 7 & 10pm
Once I get my Lupr0n period I'll start stims on day 3
F0llistim 225iu & Men0pur 75iu once per day btwn 7 & 10pm
Reduce Lupr0n to 5 units daily
ER should be sometime around 8/12 or so
Night of ER - Begin baby aspirin
3 days post ER - PI0 injections and suppositories start (yuck not looking forward to this)
6 days post ER - Start Viv.elle patches
PG test will be 12 days after 3 day transfer or 10 days after 5 day transfer

Now I have to call my RE's office and find out when I can expect the big box o'love in the mail.

Pics

As promised, here are some pics from my weekend...I'll do an actual post tomorrow with my cycle protocol...

This is a picture of the harbor on Lake Michigan looking toward the planetarium.

Some fireworks shots...

And finally some shots of the dogs enjoying splashing around in their pool...

This is the 7 month old...Buddy:

Both Buddy and Sox:

And another of both...that's Sox with his head in the water! They were having SO much fun!

And finally...because I'm a proud momma...my baby Buddy (Sox wouldn't sit still for a good photo):

I Love Vacation

and I'm always sorry when it ends.

Wednesday was RE day. We pretty much did nothing after the appointment...except I started getting things ready to leave.

Thursday morning was spent playing with the dogs since we wouldn't see them for 24 hours. This was the first time I would be away from the puppy for more than a work day. My dad had agreed to come over after work, pick up our car where we were leaving it at the train station (he was taking the train that was coming into that station anyway) and stay at our house for the night. DH and I took the train into the city...checked into our hotel (the Hard R0ck is VERY nice...small but nice) and proceeded to have dinner at this restaurant. We knew we weren't going to eat at the fest...too expensive. The fireworks were great. We had a front row seat (albeit a concrete one) on the lakefront for the show.

Friday we spent the day at the in-laws.

Saturday and Sunday were spent lounging around and playing with the dogs in their pool. I will post pictures as soon as I can upload them from the camera.

Cycle #2 begins

Went to the RE today to have my CD3 bw & u/s done. Though today is only CD2. My FSH levels were high again...12.3, compared to 9 in February. But they don't see any reason not to move forward, except I will be watched closely for OHSS. I start bcp this evening and will take 21 days, followed by 10 days of Lupr0n. So Lupr0n starts around 7/22. Then I will be on 75 of Men0pur and 225 of F0llistim. I had some Repr0nex left, but it expires in August. I donated it to the clinic in the hopes that someone who is stimming now can use it. We're tentatively looking at ER and ET around 8/12. It seems SO far away.

I've never been happier

to have gotten AF! I've been a little nervous as I really wanted her to come Sunday or yesterday so when I see my RE tomorrow, I'd really be closer to the CD3. But she arrived about 15 minutes ago, so I'm hoping my RE will still be able to run all the CD3 work. I'm happy to be able to start a new cycle...as apprehensive as I am, at least now, I feel like we're moving forward and not stuck in limbo.

More later.

And the results are...

6 vials of sperm! Yes, the andrologist, Paul, was able to get 6 vials of sperm from DH's sample on Wednesday. Unfortunately, DH didn't ask him about the freeze/thaw cycle they did, or any other relevant information like how many sperm were in each vial and if they were able to "weed out" the bad ones. He doesn't think to ask things like that, but I can't fault him. The last thing he wants to be talking about with another guy is the quality (and quantity) of his man juice.

I'm on vacation next week! Well, not all of next week. But Wednesday through Sunday! Long weekends...gotta love 'em. DH and I are going to attend the fireworks at this huge festival. Can I just say that I'm utterly impressed it has it's own Wiki page? Anyway, the fireworks are held on the 3rd. I haven't attended in about 10 years, since there are always millions (and I do mean millions) of people who flock to the lakefront to see them. Trying to contend with all those people trying to get home via the "L" or Metra is just too much for me. This year though, we decided we would stay here instead of fighting the crowds. I was shocked that they still had rooms available as late as Monday when I booked. Any other Midwesterners venturing to the lakefront for this binge fest?

Frozen swimmers

In preparation for our upcoming cycle, DH went today to provide a sperm specimen that we will freeze. To answer a commenter's question...we are freezing a sample of sperm ahead of time because DH has poor morphology and really low counts. His last SA came back at 11 million sperm with only 3% of those being "normal". Plus, his SA's have been all over the place as far as counts. This 11 million was alot...he's been as low as 2 million. So we want to ensure that, should he not provide his best sample on the day of retrieval, that we have a backup so as not to repeat our last cycle performance.

I also received yesterday the clearance letter from my GYN to proceed with this cycle. See, because I was diagnosed HPV positive and with mild cervical dysplasia on my PAP last January, my RE wanted something from my GYN saying he gives me the green light to go ahead with this. I guess my RE doesn't want to take any responsibility should I get pg and develop cancer or something. But see, she's assuming I get pg.

I wanted to give shouts out to Jen, Mel, and JJ who all received BFP's this past week. Maybe some of that Braces Bunch luck will befriend me come the beginning of August.

Also, Jacki received some bad news today...go give her a hug.

Lastly, wanted to thank all my readers and commenters. You all mean the world to me, and I know I don't update this blog enough (hopefully, that will change now that I'm cycling again) but I really appreciate all those who continue to check back with me. Lots of love and ((HUGS)).

P.S. I've posted 11 posts in June...the most of any month since starting this blog. See, I'm getting better!

********************
To answer Familyoftwo's questions:

I haven't talked to DH yet today to see if they gave him results...I doubt he'll have them today. Paul, the guy in charge, knows we will be doing ICSI this cycle. I guess they do the wash a little differently with ICSI than they would usually do. He will also be taking a small portion of the normal sample and freezing and thawing it to see how they survive the thaw. We will be sending my RE this frozen sample on ER day regardless. But I guess whether or not they use it is something I need to ask at our consult on the 2nd. Thanks!

A new beginning?

As our upcoming cycle grows closer, DH and I have been thinking more and more about what we will do if we get a negative result. See, we bought our current 4 bedroom, 3 bath house with the intention of filling it with children's laughter. Of building our family around this structure. If children aren't in our future, then neither one of us wants this house. It would just be a painful reminder of what we don't have; and it's a pain in the butt to clean. Now, selling a house with the market the way it is, isn't the smartest thing...but we bought this house WAY under market value in 2006. Even with the decline in housing prices, our house is still worth more than what we paid for it. We wouldn't realize the huge profit we originally thought we would, but we wouldn't be upside down either.

Our thoughts have begun to run into selling the house and moving out of state. We're currently about 50 miles outside of Chicago. We have no real downtown area as the village was originally vacation homes for the doctors and lawyers from Chicago in the 1950's and 1960's. A small, growing community that is quickly becoming congested and "busy". We both long for open land. Of having a few acres between us and our neighbors. Of not having the traffic congestion or pollution that comes with a growing community. Of being able to relax on our patio without worrying that the neighbor's dog is going to start yapping just because. So we've been playing around with this idea.

The thing that really weighs on my mind is the fact that we won't get to see our families. I think my parents would be heart broken if we weren't within driving distance. Plus, all our friends are here. Have any of you ever moved to a new city? How did your families cope? How did you research where you wanted to live?

Now, we've both never lived anywhere other than the Chicagoland area. It's a little exciting to me to think about moving to a city I've never been to. But a little scary too. I'd like to move somewhere that has some history. Somewhere we could get a few acres and not break the bank. Yet somewhere that is close enough to a city to be able to drive there to enjoy the nightlife or other goings on. Somewhere that has grocery stores and shopping...it doesn't have to be chain supermarkets and Wal Mar.t, just a local store. I don't want to roast in the summer (so Phoenix is out) and I don't want to freeze in the winter (no to Juneau as well). Anyone have any suggestions? Just so you know...we've played with Columbus, Ohio, and I've looked at Knoxville, TN real estate (though I don't understand the different area numbers). And my DH mentioned Ravensden, Arkansas (though I put the kabosh on that one)

How's that for thinking positive? We haven't even begun our cycle and we're already contemplating what we're going to do when it's over.

On the IF Front...

DH has his appointment for next Wednesday to give another sperm donation...this time, it will be frozen in anticipation of our upcoming IVF cycle.

I'm nervous and giddy at the same time about this cycle. I'm so excited to be moving forward again, to be doing something. Instead of feeling like the time is just sailing past us. But I'm also very nervous. We had a horrible experience last time, and while I know this RE is 100x better, and I've read posts from women who have seen her, I still can't help being a little weary. I mean, we have a limited amount of insurance coverage, and IVF wouldn't even be possible for us without it. I felt like I wasted insurance dollars last cycle, and I just don't want to feel that way again. I really want this to work and to be able to give DH the opportunity to be a father.

Another Meme...

Found this one someone's blog (I'm sorry I can't remember who I stole it from) and thought I'd give it a whirl...

Here’s a list of things and you have to bold the ones that you have done. So here goes:

Bought everyone in the bar a drink
Swam with wild dolphin
Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
Been inside the Great Pyramid
Held a tarantula
Taken a candle lit bath
Said I love you and meant it
Hugged a Tree
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightening storm at sea
Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game
Walked the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa
Grown and eaten your own vegetables
Touched an iceberg
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby’s diaper
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
Gotten drunk on champagne
Given more than you can afford to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a food fight
Bet on a winning horse
Asked out a stranger
Had a snowball fight
Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
Held a lamb
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a roller coaster
Hit a home run
Danced like a fool, not caring who watched
Adopted an accent for an entire day
Actually felt happy about your life, even for a moment
Had two hard drives for your computer
Visited all 50 states
Taken care of someone who was too drunk
Had amazing Friends
Danced with a Stranger in a foreign country
Watched wild whales
Stolen a sign
Hitchhiked in Europe
Taken a road-trip
Gone rock climbing
Midnight walk on the beach
Gone sky diving
Visited Ireland
Been heartbroken longer than you were in love
In a restaurant sat at a stranger’s table and ate with them
Visited Japan
Milked a cow
Alphabetized your CDs
Pretended to be a superhero
Sung karaoke
Lounged around in bed all day
Posed nude in front of strangers
Gone scuba diving
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Played in the rain
Gone to a drive-in theater
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Toured ancient sites
Taken a martial arts class
Played a computer game for more than 6 hours straight
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Gotten divorced
Gone without food for 5 days
Made cookies from scratch
Won first prize in a costume contest
Ridden a gondola in Venice
Gotten a tattoo
Rafted the Snake River
Been on television news program as an “expert”
Got flowers for no reason
Performed on a stage
Been to Las Vegas
Recorded Music
Eaten shark
Had a one-night stand
Gone to Thailand
Bought a house
Been in a combat zone
Buried one/both of your parents
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently
Performed in Rocky Horror
Raised children
Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
Picked up and moved to another city
Walked on the Golden Gate Bridge
Sang loudly in the car and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
Had plastic surgery
Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have
Wrote articles for a large publication
Lost over 100 lbs
Held someone while they were having a flashback
Piloted an airplane
Petted a stingray
Broken someone’s heart
Helped an animal give birth
Won money on a TV game show
Broken a bone
Gone on an African safari
Had a body part below the neck pierced
Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
Eaten mushrooms gathered in the wild
Ridden a horse
Had major surgery
Had a snake as a pet
Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Slept for more than 30 hours over 48 consecutive hours
Visited more foreign countries than US States
Visited all 7 continents
Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
Eaten Kangaroo meat
Eaten sushi
Had your picture in the paper
Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
Gone back to school
Parasailed
Petted a cockroach
Eaten fried green tomatoes
Read the Iliad
Selected one important author who you missed school to read
Killed and prepared an animal for eating (fish)
Skipped all of your school reunions
Communicated with someone without sharing a common language
Been elected to public office
Written your own computer language
Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
Had to put someone you love in hospice care
Build your own PC from parts
Sold your own artwork to someone that didn’t know it was yours
Had a booth in a street fair
Dyed your hair
Been a DJ
Shaved your head
Caused a car accident
Saved someone’s life

Your turn...