I've made my decision. I want a D&C. I don't want to wait for "nature to take it's course". I waited almost a month to see if this pregnancy was going to be viable. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be done so that I can start to heal...physically and emotionally.
I had no idea that RE's didn't do D&C's. You'd think they would. So I had to call my OBGYN to ask for a D&C. But I have to SEE the doctor to talk to him about it before they will schedule it. OK, I can understand wanting to see me and make sure of everything. But what's there to talk about? I'm not, I repeat, NOT, doing this naturally. I can't bear the thought of having to wait days for my body to realize there is no more progesterone and to start the process. A process that could take a week or more. No thanks. My heart can't handle that.
I think I'm kinda numb right now. I last cried yesterday afternoon on my way to pick up Lexi from my mom's. Even my mom's sobs didn't cause the tears to flow. Once I saw Lexi, I had complete focus on her. We went to the park and had ourselves a great afternoon. Sleep came easy to me last night...but I think more because I wanted to turn off the world.
This morning is a little more difficult. I had called off work yesterday after I got the news...but I'm back logged in today. Why? I have no idea. Maybe for the distraction?
The one thing that does bring tears to my eyes is something a co-worker sent me via email. She has had miscarriages...she told me that I have my angel here on Earth...but now I also have one in heaven who will look out for us. That thought brings me some comfort.