Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Decisions

I've made my decision. I want a D&C. I don't want to wait for "nature to take it's course". I waited almost a month to see if this pregnancy was going to be viable. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be done so that I can start to heal...physically and emotionally.

I had no idea that RE's didn't do D&C's. You'd think they would. So I had to call my OBGYN to ask for a D&C. But I have to SEE the doctor to talk to him about it before they will schedule it. OK, I can understand wanting to see me and make sure of everything. But what's there to talk about? I'm not, I repeat, NOT, doing this naturally. I can't bear the thought of having to wait days for my body to realize there is no more progesterone and to start the process. A process that could take a week or more. No thanks. My heart can't handle that.

I think I'm kinda numb right now. I last cried yesterday afternoon on my way to pick up Lexi from my mom's. Even my mom's sobs didn't cause the tears to flow. Once I saw Lexi, I had complete focus on her. We went to the park and had ourselves a great afternoon. Sleep came easy to me last night...but I think more because I wanted to turn off the world.

This morning is a little more difficult. I had called off work yesterday after I got the news...but I'm back logged in today. Why? I have no idea. Maybe for the distraction?

The one thing that does bring tears to my eyes is something a co-worker sent me via email. She has had miscarriages...she told me that I have my angel here on Earth...but now I also have one in heaven who will look out for us. That thought brings me some comfort.

8 comments:

Jamie said...

I am so, so sorry. I remember that roller coaster of emotions all too well. I opted for D&Cs as well - for all the reasons you mentioned. I felt like I had fought for that pregnancy and I was exhausted by the end of it. I wanted it over, I wanted my body to be healing and I didn't want any "surprises."

As far as the procedure itself, the D&C was an easy experience.

Of course, the roller coaster of emotions lasted a couple of weeks. I guess it was a part of the shifting hormones. I found I would be a basket case one day, but then pulled together the next. Distractions do help. But if you need a day off - do that for yourself. Be gentle with yourself these next few days. The world will take care of itself.

Love to you . . .

Denise said...

That's strange, my RE does D&C's (had 2 from him). I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

Mo and Will said...

I've found D&Cs work very well to get this miscarriage process over with quickly - physically at least. Strange that your RE doesn't do them, mine does - must vary by RE. One bit of advice - opt for an OR D&C if you can. I had two done as office procedures by my OB, both without anesthesia. I found it pretty painful and really preferred being put to sleep and waking up and having the procedure be over. hope you can get that appt scheduled soon. thinking of you.

Mo

Shelli said...

I am so sorry, and I know the pain you are feeling is very difficult.

I've always opted for my OB to do all of my d&c's. RE's tend to do them less frequently, at least in my experience. Nothing abnormal about that, and also it's standard for meet with your OB beforehand.

Try to be easy on yourself. xo

raisingmiles said...

Big hugs to you. I was hoping for good news when I got back from vaca....

s.e. said...

I remember feeling shocked at how "well" I felt at times. My emotions came in waves. No matter how you feel it is okay. Take all the distractions or breaks you need. It will get easier. I promise.

justine said...

Here from LFCA. I'm so sorry to hear your news ... whatever decision you make will be the right one for you. Most importantly, I hope you can be kind to yourself right now. I'll be thinking about you. *hug*

vphonegirl said...

I am sorry. I pray you will find comfort during this time and the strenght to carry on.