Holy cow...today marks the last day of my second trimester (well, depending on which website you look at). I can hardly believe that we've made it this far.
DH and I went out on Saturday night to an Italian restaurant in a nearby town. We were seated in the back room, at a corner table. The restaurant had a band playing, but not a loud crazy band...this group played alot of Willie, Johnny and Jimmy (Nelson, Cash and Buffet). We were able to enjoy their music and still hold a conversation. We talked about baby girl and how surreal this all still seems to us. Him especially. DH hasn't had the opportunity to feel her move very much. She tends to stop when he puts his hand on my belly. While we were eating, there were all these young girls there in dresses with their dads...turns out they had just come from a grade school Daddy Daughter Dance. DH's eyes welled up when he realized HE is going to have a daughter. And HE WILL get to experience Daddy Daughter Dances. Of course, that made ME well up too. So it was a good thing we were seated in a corner table...we were both blubbering messes!
But seriously, I could not be more grateful. Not one day goes by that I don't thank the powers that be for this experience. I sit in Baby Girl's room and think that in less than 12 weeks, I'll be sitting there holding her, and I'm just in awe of it all. I'm an emotional mess. I can't put it into words. I'm not emotional about parenting...it's more being emotional that I'm actually going to have a real live baby in 12 weeks. That we're actually here.
Moving from "infertile" to "parenting after infertility". It's an overwhelming and guilt ridden thought...why did my cycle work when so many other's cycles didn't. It's funny (well not funny) to think...when we were cycling, I used to think, Why Me? Why am I going through this hell? Why are everyone else's cycles giving them BFP's when mine aren't. Now, I think..."Why am I so lucky?" I think Jacki's post said it best. No matter what stage of the race you're at...all your infertile sisters who have crossed the finish line, are still there, cheering you on and waiting for your turn to cross, to celebrate, to congratulate.