Monday, August 25, 2008

9dp3dt - 3 days to beta

I'm growing increasingly nervous as beta day gets closer. Really, really, really nervous. I don't want to POAS simply because I don't want to see a negative. I know I said I was going to be positive and optimistic, but the negative feelings have started to creep in as I feel less and less like I could be the elusive pg. I don't want to see my DH crushed. He's so excited and wants this SO much...maybe even more than I do, if that's even possible. His heart will be broken...mine will be as well. It took me a long time last cycle to come to terms with our BFN. And we didn't even have any good embies. With this cycles, one "perfect" embie...my hopes were higher than before...which means the crash will hurt even more. I'm hoping that I'm fretting over nothing, but I feel nothing. No more twinges...no more pangs. My girls are still sore, but I know that could just be all the damn pr0gesterone I'm pumping into my body. That's it. There's nothing else that would tell me that Lucky is still around.

This is what I hate most about IF. It's not that the act of making a baby is no longer a romantic interlude between 2 people who love each other. The shots I can deal with, as well as the daily vagcam violations. I can handle that more people have seen my vajayjay in the last month than in my whole life before IF. No, what I hate the most is the not knowing part. The part where our hearts are pumped full of hope only to have them broken during a phone call that lasts only a few seconds.

7 comments:

Shelli said...

Sometimes I think our nervousness can definitely play tricks with our minds and symptoms. I think I've mentioned this before, but I am not an POAS-a-holic. I like to live blissfully unaware as late as I possibly can.

Thinking good thoughts for you, and willing that perfect embie of yours to hang around!

BB and MTB said...

I completely understand what you are feeling, and I really hope when you finally get the phone call, that it is the experience you've ever had. Good luck!

Kate said...

I'm sorry. It must be so hard. I'm hoping for you, too.

Mel said...

It is hard, far worse in your case with IVF than I could ever imagine.
Try to keep positive, that kind of thinking can do wonders for the mind and body.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
*hugs*

Miss said...

I can't imagine how difficult this is. Please hang in there :) I'm still thinking good thoughts for you!

Jen said...

I will cross my fingers for you! Wishing you all the best and a positive outcome.

And, seriously, they should just knock us out during the 2ww.

Jen said...

I've got my fingers crossed that you won't have to be disappointed.