Friday, September 3, 2010

This will be our very last IVF attempt

I know I was all hunky doory on my last post about being satisfied with just my daughter if this cycle doesn't work...but that was before I knew that THIS will be our LAST cycle. Now, I'm crushed.

I was fortunate enough to have insurance coverage for both procedures and meds...albeit I had a maximum allowable benefit. Well, with this cycle's meds, I've hit the maximum allowed for medications. Actually, not all my meds are being covered this cycle. I'm paying for 2 F0llistim cartridges out of pocket. My insurance wants $857 each. I managed to find them for $720.

I'm in tears right now. I don't know how all you women who paid for everything OOP do it. The money isn't the issue, well I guess it kinda is, since being OOP now means that we won't be trying again after this. It's funny that I still have all this benefit available for procedures...but it's the meds that I'm maxed out on. Alot of the benefit (almost half) was used up by my very first cycle in 2007. Lexi's cycle was less than half what the first one was.

The thought that this will be the very last try...the last attempt...really bothers me. I mean, sure, we could cycle again...but the OOP expense would be more than we could afford. I should be happy I have Lexi. But right now, I'm sad. She was a miracle...the only embryo to survive to day 3. The only embryo I had to transfer. What are the chances that 2 miracles would be bestowed upon me? I'm sorry. I'm just so sad right now. I can't even think...


Tina said...

I'm sorry. I hear the pain in your writing.

HOWEVER, you have a cycle to concentrate on. It's time to think positive, live in the positive, be positive. Will your body to be positive!

Go for a walk and breathe in the fresh air. Look through the clovers for a 4 leafed one. Notice how brightly colored people are during the summer. Give a flower to a complete stranger b/c they just looked like they needed one.

Be positive. It's what you need and what your body needs.

Tina said...

BTW - David was our last attempt at ART. We had decided that 2004 was our last year for trying. I had my IUI on July 31, so that was pretty much my last attempt.

Amanda said...


I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how much this hurts. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry...thats awful. Its one thing to come to a conclusion of only having one child on your own but to have the insurance company decide for you takes the control right away from you. So sorry!

JJ said...

Thats one of the effed up things about this whole IF journey--the cost. I would love to be able to try again, but we just cannot afford it.

Thinking of you in this next step--and thoughts for your friend too :(

Mel said...

Money talks. And sort of runs the world when it comes to IF. We spent so much money on #1, and #2 hinges on every penny we spend every day right now. It is brutal.

Take it one day at a time... I am constantly reminded that these things are totally out of our control and that we cannot lay out the future.