Holy cow have things moved fast...I went today for my saline ultrasound. All looked good in my ute. Hubby and I signed all the consent forms and he had his infectious disease bloodwork done. As we were waiting, our nurse, Shannon, says to me that since tomorrow is my last bcp she will no my baseline today and I'm to start Lupron TONIGHT! OMG! Really??
Picking up the drug from the pharmacy was a surreal experience. I was sad to be doing it in the sense of needing IVF to have a baby...but also for my daughter. Is 2 years enough time to spend with her and her alone? Will she resent a new baby? Will she resent me when she's older for not spending more time with just her? I don't know. I'm still struggling with how will I love another child as much as I love Lexi? I already feel like my heart is bursting with love...I'm not sure how much more can fit, if you know what I mean.
Don't get me wrong. I'm excited as anything to be starting this cycle and having a chance to add to our family. I just don't feel 100% ready...but don't think I ever really would feel 100% ready. I just know that I want another child. I want a sibling for Lexi to grow and play with. I want that experience for her. So tonight, as I shoot myself up with Lupron, I'll be thinking of the child to come...and my baby that's here.