Its back

the spotting that is. However, this time, it's always brown. And while brown blood doesn't worry me into a frenzy, it still bothers me. I have another week to go before my OB appointment. Though I know I could call and see if I can get in earlier. At this point, my brain and heart are both saying there is no need. Wednesday will be 2 weeks since the first spotting started. I thought it was tapering off, but it came back this weekend pretty strong.

Anyway, I'm trying to take it easy...not lift anything heavy and just be all around lazy (LOL).

Baby Blankets

When DH and I started this cycle back in July, I went to a neighborhood craft store with my gift card from Christmas in hand and purchased a cross stitch project. Not just any cross stitch, but a baby blanket. I had been working on it off and on over the last 2 months (more off than on) and now realized that I need to get busy on it if I plan on using it! So to help me along, I figured I would post pics of the project so everyone can harp on me when I don't get anything done on it!

Here is where we are starting today (click to enlarge):

I also made my first maternity purchase today. I ordered a Bell.a Band. My jeans are beginning to be too snug to wear comfortably buttoned...so I'm hoping this will afford me a few more months in my clothes.

8 weeks

I am 8 weeks pregnant today. I never in a million years thought I'd ever be writing that. It's a surreal feeling. Almost like it's all a very long dream, that I could wake up from at any point. I was looking back at some of my old posts and came across this one. It was written almost exactly one year before I got my BFP. If I could only go back to that person a year ago, and tell her that in one year this is where she'd be, I would have saved her alot of emotional distress. But it's that emotional distress that got me here...that made me ask the questions I did, that made me make the decisions I did. Would I really be here today if I knew then what I know now? I'm not sure where this post is going...other than I'm just so grateful. Grateful to my DH, for sticking with me through all my emotional turmoil and bitchiness. Grateful for the support of my parents and in-laws through this process. Grateful to my RE's office, for getting me here. And grateful to all those in the blogosphere...those who read and comment, and those who write their own blogs for others to share.

OK...I won't get too sappy here. At 8 weeks, I'm feeling good. My spotting has tapered off to almost nothing (woo hoo!). I still have no signs of morning sickness (woo hoo!) I do get the occasionally sharp pain on the left side that lasts nanoseconds...but I'm not worried about it. I've actually allowed myself to start thinking forward. I checked out my employers "parental leave" policy (because it's not just for mothers anymore!) and discovered I get 12 weeks paid time off. If I add some vacation time in there, I could potentially get 15 weeks. My employer also has backup child care facilities...we can use them up to 20 days per year. The first 10 are free and the second 10 are $10 per day. Not bad at all.

I think it's actually sinking in...

Lucky's second photo

Still looks like a blob to me LOL!

This past weekend

Sorry I was MIA...I didn't end up going to the RE's office on Friday, but I did go yesterday.



Saturday, after I went grocery shopping, I came home to find that I had "spotted" through my jeans. I paged the on call Dr, who by the way was VERY comforting, and he told me the same things...take it easy, and go in on Monday. I ended up going to a friend's house that evening for a poker party...had a good time and it kept my mind off the spotting, which had since changed to brown.



Sunday, went to my parent's house, where DH was doing some work for them. Took it easy all day...had VERY minimal spotting...went home, took a shower and BAM...bright red again.



Went in to the RE's yesterday...Lucky is fine. Whew! Heartrate at 150bpm. (I have a pic, but need to scan it...will post later). The baby is on the left side of my uterus...the bleed is on the right side...u/s tech said it looked like it was clotting (how can they tell that from u/s?) and since it's not near the baby, doesn't pose too much of a risk to Lucky.

Thank you all for your kind words and support. It really means the world to me!

More spotting

Since the spotting of early Wednesday morning (which was brown btw) I had nothing, until I got ready to go to bed last night. It was then that I saw the red blood. It seemed to taper off as the night went on, and by morning was the same brownish color of the previous day. Now, my RE's office had said that if the spotting becomes a "light period flow" to call...well, I've never had a "light" period, so I don't know if what happened last night would fit the bill.

There may be TMI in this next paragraph so feel free to skip it. What is "light" flow? I mean, each time I wiped last night the tp was red...and there was enough to make the water in the toilet tinged red as well. But now there is just a little brown discharge. I kept asking myself, is that a cramp? Am I cramping, or is that just another twinge? And of course, since I was worked up anyway, my mind made things worse than I think they actually were.

I haven't called the RE again. I know that they will tell me the same thing. Spotting is normal. The drugs you are taking are dilating your blood vessels around your cervix, causing the bleeding. UGH! I'm not sure what I should do. My next appointment is Wed the 24th.

Yesterday's freak out

Yesterday, I woke up at my usual time...went into the bathroom to do the deed and what do I see? Blood. I sat on the commode and just started shaking. Saying to myself, I can't believe this is happening. I proceeded to get back into bed with DH and told him what was going on...and burst into tears. Now, in my mind, I knew that spotting was common in the 1st trimester and that this was nothing to worry about. But carry over my irrational self from the day before and you get complete meltdown. When the RE's office finally opened 2 hours later, I called, and of course was told what my mind already knew. I didn't have any cramping and the spotting had since tapered off since the first morning wipe. Needless to say, I didn't take any chances and spent the day on the couch, having called in sick to work.

I wanted pg symptoms...I guess I got one.

I'm totally irrational today...

and I don't know why. I'm feeling anxious and nervous. I still feel like AF could come at any second...I know I've seen a heartbeat, but until I see it again, I'm nervous. I'm scared. What if something goes wrong...what if...what if...what if. I guess I would feel better if I felt pg. If I had some morning sickness. But I don't. I have no food aversions. No food cravings. The closest I've come is getting an urge to puke last night as I was chewing my dinner. I wasn't sure if I could get it down. But it passed as quickly as it came on and I finished my dinner uneventfully. I never thought I would say it, but I WANT TO BE SICK!! Is that crazy or what?

I stop the PIO in another week. I'm afraid that AF will show up when I stop it. I've got this odd thought in my head that the PIO is the only thing holding AF back. Told you I was irrational today.

The other thing that scares me is the cost of raising a baby. DH and I aren't wealthy people by any means. We live paycheck to paycheck while putting some money in our 401k's. We have some savings, but that will go quickly as our mortgage is going to increase in November due to our escrow being reanalyzed. I'm afraid that we won't be able to provide for this baby. Realistically I know we can. We'll have to cut back on the frivolous spending we do, like eating out all the time, but I believe we can manage. However, my irrational side continues to worry (just so you know, I've always been one to worry about money, this is nothing new).

UUGGHHH!! I just want to know that everything will be ok. That it will all work out. I want to know that NOW...not later.

See, told you, completely irrational today.

Nothing new

Nothing new to report. It rained all weekend here in the Midwest...nothing like those in Ike's path received, but enough to flood roads and close some interstates.

My dad's birthday was yesterday. We went here to celebrate.

I went to bed at 8pm last night. I'm so tired. I usually only get about 6 hours of sleep on any normal day, but that's just not cutting it anymore. I'm asleep by 9 and when the alarm goes off at 4:30, I really just want to turn it off and roll over. I've been sleeping on the train into work (and I mean sleeping, not just dozing) and on the way home. I feel drained during the day. But I know it's because my body is getting used to having Lucky around.

I am pleased to introduce...

Lucky Charm



Baby is measuring 2mm and heart rate is 100bpm. The tech said everything is right on schedule. I am 6w1d today.

I am to discontinue my Estraderm patches (Yay!) but continue the PIO (boo) for another 2 weeks, as well as continue the suppositories for another 3 weeks. I am to continue to take baby aspirin until I am 12 weeks.

Can I just say I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when I saw that little flutter on the screen. I couldn't believe it. There's really a baby there. This is really happening. OMG!

Today is the day

I leave for the RE's office in about 15 minutes. This morning went by SO fast...since I'm working from home today, the hours just flew past. DH and I talked last night that we've done all we can do...now it's out of our hands. While we hope with all our beings that Lucky is thriving, if he's not, we'll be ok, crushed but ok. We've never made it this far before, and we're grateful for this experience.

I'll post again when I get back...most likely around 3CST.

Tomorrow is the day...

that I've been anxiously awaiting. I will see if Lucky is where he should be. Why am I so scared? Maybe it's because I know that all the drugs I'm taking could be the only thing holding AF off...I have no pg symptoms, other than the sore girls and good sniffer, oh yea and I'm TIRED. Though is my sniffer really any better? Or is it just my imagination? My clothes aren't any snugger and I don't feel any different. I sound so negative right now...I know I do. I just want this SO much. I want this for my DH, who has invested himself emotionally 100% to this potential baby. I want this for my parents, who have wanted a grandchild to spoil for longer than I've wanted a baby. I want this for DH's parents, who crave this baby more than anything. I want this for me, because I already love this little one more than I could ever have imagined loving someone, and we haven't even met yet.

Oddest thing

I just witnessed the oddest thing...I was in the ladies room here at work and someone was brushing her teeth, not an oddity, but then she proceeded to put SOAP from the dispenser on her toothbrush to "wash" it. I always make sure to rinse my toothbrush really well after I use it and put it in it's holder, but I've NEVER seen someone put HAND SOAP on their toothbrush! Wouldn't you TASTE that?? Just thought it was odd and figured I'd share...

2 days to u/s

I'm excited and nervous about this upcoming u/s...but what else is new? I seem to be on a roller coaster of emotions ranging from blissful excitement, to extreme nervousness, to apprehension to giddiness. What if there is no sac? What if Lucky isn't growing anymore? All these thoughts come into my head and start messing around with my emotions. I'm trying to stay positive, I really am, but again, I'm too educated in all the things that can, and do go wrong. I just want to know that things are where they should be.

Nothing new...

Nothing new to report. I still feel the occasional cramping...which makes me nervous and sends me to the bathroom EACH and EVERY time. The girls are still SUPER sore. I'm still on the PIO and suppositories as well as the Estraderm patches.

This weekend we attended my cousin's 2nd DS's baptism. Nothing out of the ordinary...except my one Aunt completely guessed that I was pg. We haven't told anyone except our parents, and a few friends about it, but I went to go to the bathroom (only the 2nd time) and I guess she guessed while I was gone, because when I got back, she was all smiles and DH was like, she guessed our secret! I asked her today how she guessed and she just said she's very observant...oh well, I did ask her not to say anything yet and she promised she wouldn't...except she already told my Uncle!

Other than that, I am counting down the days to Thursday's u/s. DH is going to try to take an early lunch so he can meet me there.

Name meme

Stole this from Jamie

The Name Game

1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Snoopy Escape
2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Vanilla Sneakers
3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Blue Dog
4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Rose Chicago
5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Wasam
6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Black Sprite
7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): John Theodore
8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Eternity Caramel
9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Um...I only remember my 5th grade teacher as Sister Geralda...never knew her last name
10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Fall Calla Lily
11.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Strawberry Pants
12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Nothing Crabapple
13.Movie star name (first pet's name, first street where you lived): Snoopy California

3rd Beta - Results

Results are in:

HCG is now at 4080
Progester0ne is at 21.1

First u/s scheduled for next Thursday at 12:15 CST

3rd Beta

I just got back from having my blood drawn for my third and final beta today. Let me tell you, my veins are singing their praises. I don't know how much more my one little vein that always gets used could take!

After doing some reading yesterday, I am no longer too worried about my progester0ne. Like s.e. said in her comment, I think sometimes we can be a little too educated. We know all the things that can and do go wrong that at the slightest drop or twinge we're freaking out. I resolved at the beginning of my 2ww that I wouldn't POAS, and I didn't...so now I'm going to resolve to listen to my doctor and my gut, and not sweat the small stuff.

I'll update later with my beta results!

Again, thank you!

2nd beta

Went in for my second beta yesterday morning....HCG went to 1777. That's over a course of 4 days...so I didn't figure out the doubling time. The worrying thing is that my pr0gesterone dropped to 18.8. The nurse said they weren't worried...but I am. I always thought the pr0gesterone should be over 20. Plus, I've had little cramps over the last few days...nothing huge, just little ones. Still I'm concerned. I go for another beta tomorrow. I know I won't be relaxed until I see that little flutter on the u/s screen...