Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I'm totally irrational today...

and I don't know why. I'm feeling anxious and nervous. I still feel like AF could come at any second...I know I've seen a heartbeat, but until I see it again, I'm nervous. I'm scared. What if something goes wrong...what if...what if...what if. I guess I would feel better if I felt pg. If I had some morning sickness. But I don't. I have no food aversions. No food cravings. The closest I've come is getting an urge to puke last night as I was chewing my dinner. I wasn't sure if I could get it down. But it passed as quickly as it came on and I finished my dinner uneventfully. I never thought I would say it, but I WANT TO BE SICK!! Is that crazy or what?

I stop the PIO in another week. I'm afraid that AF will show up when I stop it. I've got this odd thought in my head that the PIO is the only thing holding AF back. Told you I was irrational today.

The other thing that scares me is the cost of raising a baby. DH and I aren't wealthy people by any means. We live paycheck to paycheck while putting some money in our 401k's. We have some savings, but that will go quickly as our mortgage is going to increase in November due to our escrow being reanalyzed. I'm afraid that we won't be able to provide for this baby. Realistically I know we can. We'll have to cut back on the frivolous spending we do, like eating out all the time, but I believe we can manage. However, my irrational side continues to worry (just so you know, I've always been one to worry about money, this is nothing new).

UUGGHHH!! I just want to know that everything will be ok. That it will all work out. I want to know that NOW...not later.

See, told you, completely irrational today.


JJ said...

I hate when irrational fear grips me like that--and its been quite a few times, trust me.
I read a devotion every morning, and I say it to myself many times throughout the day: "All is well"
With that and deep breaths, it makes my BP come down a notch.
It will be OK. =)

Jendeis said...

Hey, just take a deep breath. Try to calm yourself down. Everything will be OK.

For financial advice, you may want to look at Dave Ramsey's books. DH and I make quite enough, but I feel like we're wasting it and don't really know where it's going. The Total Money Makeover has been really helpful for me.

tryingtoconceive said...

I think all your fears are totally normal in pregnancy, and especially in an IF woman. I share them.

Jen said...

I always felt just fine. Don't worry about it. More than thirty percent of women get no morning sickness at all and that is a WAY higher percentage than your chance of miscarriage at this point. I had no sickness at all.

Delenn said...

I totally can understand where you are right now. Especially this last pregnancy, I was like all into--okay, we have been pushing for this baby--now, oh yeah, DAYCARE costs, diapers, etc. Can we afford this? All I know is that--things work out, you know? And, despite some of the Conventional Wisdom out there--your life doesn't TOTALLY change when you have a baby and babies don't COST A TON. Yes, things will change, yes money might be tight for a little while. But, you and you husband will adapt and, as time goes on, so does the child. Often the costs of a baby are higher because we make them higher (getting ALL the clothes they say you need in a layette, instead of waiting to really see what you need, etc.).

Thinking of you.