Monday, December 20, 2010

Humbug

As Christmas gets closer I'm feeling more and more "bah humbug". I don't want to say sad or depressed...because I don't feel like those adjectives fit. I'm excited for Lexi to experience Christmas...we have a few things planned for her on Christmas Eve (cookies for Santa, carrots for reindeer etc)...I'm happy to be spending 2 days with family...even though they can drive me crazy. But I'm also stressed. So much so that I'm not sleeping much at night. I lay awake and think of all the things I need to do before Saturday...gifts to buy and wrap, house to clean etc. Then I stress about money...how much are we spending...can we afford that? etc. Then I start thinking of my dear husband snoring away next to me...and how much crap he's had to put up with with me. And how I really need to find out why my libido has dropped to near nothing. Because he deserves a wife who wants sex. I stress about work...and wonder if I'll get screwed like I did last year. And pray that I don't.

Life is hard. Being a grown-up is hard. Somedays I just want to be a kid again. Today is one of them.

3 comments:

s.e. said...

I get it. Completely.

Jen said...

I am sorry and totally understand...

Mel said...

Being a grown up SUCKS. The holidays are so different on this side... but it can be a good thing, too. Celebrating it through the eyes of a child is awesome. I have to work hard to keep it simple and easy. I pray you'll find a way to enjoy the time share wonderful memories with your precious Lexi.

xoxo