In preparation for Lexi's evaluation on Thursday, we have to keep a 3 day food journal of everything she consumes. Not what she is offered, but what she actually takes in her mouth and swallows. Do you know how HARD that is?
So Saturday we started her journal...and let me tell you, when you actually count out the pieces of food she eats, weigh it and write it down...IT'S NOT MUCH! For example, yesterday...Lexi CONSUMED 6 blueberries, 7 grapes, 11 pieces of cereal and 1/2 slice of cheese...ALL DAY. She also drank 18 ozs of milk. And I will tell you that the grapes, cereal and cheese were all eaten between 6:30pm and 7:30pm after I had a mommy melt down. To see that your child is bearing eating anything...really made me feel guilty. Am I offering her enough choices? Should I offer more food throughout the day? Is it too hot? Is it too cold? Should I cut it smaller? Is it too small for her to pick up? The questions and thoughts are endless.
I had Lexi in her booster seat at our table. I offered her some Gerber Stage 3 food...she spit out the first bite. Started to WAIL. Commence questions...too hot? too cold? She would not eat...kept pushing the spoon away and WAILING. I admit, I got frustrated...she had only eaten 6 blueberries up until this point, so I told her if she was going to act like a baby, I would treat her like one...and I put her in the highchair (which she really no longer sits in as she prefers the booster). More screaming. I offered her cheese. She threw that on the floor. So I took her out of the highchair and placed her on her feet on the floor...she proceeded to lie face down on the floor and scream. DH said just to give her a bottle. My response was that I knew that was exactly what she wanted and that I'm not giving in to her temper tantrum. I proceeded to walk away from her. She followed me and wanted me to pick her up. I ignored her for about a minute (or until my heart broke and I couldn't any longer) and picked her up. As soon as I did, she hit me. I immediately told her, more sternly than I meant to, that I would NOT tolerate her hitting me and that if she hit me again I would put her to bed.
DH got a bowl of cereal and grapes and put it on her little table she uses for coloring. She ended up sitting with him and ate her 7 grapes and 11 pieces of cereal while he read a book. Though I think the only reason she ate that was because he wouldn't turn the page until she ate a piece of something.
I just can't believe that I'm fighting with my child to eat. She gladly ate solids when we introduced them to her at 5 months of age. I just don't know what to think. I never realized before this weekend how little she actually consumes on a daily basis. No wonder she lost weight last month.
I know this entry is all over the place and a little incoherent. I'm so frustrated and sad right now. I feel like I'm failing her somehow. I know I'm taking the steps in the right direction in getting her evaluated...I just feel guilty that I "let it" get to this point.