Are you eating??

This is what the NP said to me today upon learning that I've dropped another 2lbs in weight. I wanted to say, "No, I've been starving myself and my baby" but I just looked at her and said, of course. While my weight loss isn't of any huge concern (remember, I'm a plus size gal to start with) I was still taken aback when she asked this.

So anyway, had our ultrasound as well. We got to see baby's kidneys, stomach, brain, arm and leg bones, and spine. We did see baby's heart, but not all 4 chambers, it seems she was in a bad position. Yes, I said she. It appears with 90% certainty that Lucky is a little girl. The tech said because of her position, she couldn't get a "clear shot", but that she's 90% sure it's a girl. We get to go back in 4 weeks for another ultrasound because the tech couldn't get the picture of all 4 heart chambers, so we'll be able to confirm then.

I have a few pictures, but they aren't that great since baby wasn't cooperating. I swear I felt her flip over while we were in the waiting room. I'll post them as soon as I have a chance to scan them.

Everyone please have a safe and Happy New Year!

In just a few hours...

we will hopefully find out if Lucky is a baby boy or a baby girl. I have no gut feeling either way at this point, though today I'm thinking girl. The poll is tied, so only time will tell. I'm hoping we don't have a shy child! Obviously, the most important thing is that baby is developing normally. I'm SO excited to see him/her again. It's been 10 weeks since we last had a peek!

I'll post more later with new pics (if we get some good ones!)

What a difference a year makes

As DH and I were driving around on Sunday morning, doing the last of our Christmas shopping, listening to the Christmas tunes on the radio, this thought popped into my head, and my eyes welled up with tears.

This time last year, I was dreading the holidays. We had a horrible experience with an IVF failure behind us, and the newly announced pregnancy of my cousin with #2 to deal with. I didn't want to celebrate. I didn't want to see anyone, let alone the family who would look at us with pity in their eyes and dance around the subject of pregnancy or babies with us. It was this time last year that my husband said to me that maybe I needed to see a counselor to help me deal with the emotions of infertility. Though he didn't say it quite like that. Last year, we put up our tree, hung our stockings, decorated to the gills...all in a way to put on a "happy face" for the outside world while I was crying inside.

This year is so different. Lucky is growing big and strong inside me. I'll be 21 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I can't put into words the emotions this brings up in me. I'm so eternally grateful to be given this experience. Feeling Lucky move around makes me well up each and every time. Granted, they are only little flutters, but just knowing what it is, makes it all the more special. But yet, I haven't forgotten how I felt last year...and my heart breaks knowing that there are others out in the world who are feeling today, how I felt last year. I want to wrap my arms around each of you and just hug you.

While I'm happy this year to be where I am, and all the tears shed this holiday season are tears of joy, I send a prayer up for each and every infertile couple out there. May you find peace and joy in your lives.

Christmas Pics

As promised, here are a few pics we took on Sunday...

Our tree...we cut this sucker down ourselves!

This is me standing in front of the tree without a flash.

My 2 boys. Buddy is just like me and blinks! LOL

Another one of my boys...and another blinker!

20 weeks...we're halfway there!

Today was my 20 week appointment. My bp was normal at 108/70...I've not gained a pound yet...still holding steady at the same weight from 4 weeks ago! Big plus for me since I'm already a plus sized gal. No u/s today, but we did hear the baby's heartbeat. It was a glorious sound. I'm always SO nervous before an appointment...afraid that there won't be a h/b. We listened for awhile and kept hearing what I can only describe as moving a needle across a record on a record player. The OB said that was the baby moving. And boy was baby moving alot! I guess the OJ I drank before my appointment got into his/her blood stream! But h/b was good...didn't ask for a bpm...just glad to have heard it.

The big news...we will find out on New Years Eve what sex the baby is? Any guesses?

Random thoughts

Our Christmas tree is officially decorated. When DH got home on Saturday afternoon, we started putting the lights and ornaments on. I was VERY emotional while we were doing this. I don't know why, but every ornament that was chosen to be put on the tree made me tear up. We had turned off the TV and put on some Christmas music...I guess the ambiance just made me so grateful to be where we are. After the tree was decorated, and because I was all emotional, I wanted to take some pictures of DH and I in front of the tree. So we did, and we took pictures of the dogs. I'll post some as soon as I upload them.

On Sunday, we went to a local furniture store and purchased a recliner for the nursery. We had looked at all kinds of gliders, but the ones we liked were all in excess of $500, when you add in the cost of the ottoman. We decided we would rather purchase a recliner that we can move to another room and use later instead. So we got a Lane recliner...and it cost us less than $500. DH picks it up tomorrow.

My 20 week appointment is tomorrow. I REALLY, REALLY want to have an u/s done to find out the sex so we can surprise people for Christmas, but I'm not scheduled to have my anatomy scan for another 3 weeks...we have to see if we can convince this OB to allow it...the other OB in the practice told us no at 16 weeks.

I was supposed to see the dietitian tonight regarding my failed glucose test...but she had to reschedule for Thursday night. So my appointment was changed to Thursday at 7pm.

I have been feeling what I think might be the baby moving around, but I can't be sure. I also still have to pee every few hours, and don't make it through the night very often without having to get up to go.

I know I should be enjoying this pregnancy, after all, Lucky is our little miracle. The only embryo out of 22 eggs to have made it. But I can't help but feel like this could be taken away from us at any moment. I'm afraid to enjoy this. I'm afraid of every appointment. I'm very pessimistic about this whole thing. I WANT to enjoy this...I WANT to.

Scrooge

I feel like Scr00ge this year. I haven't talked much about Christmas...DH and I just aren't in the Christmas spirit. Every year I get the "winter" blahs, but usually enjoy traveling out to the local tree farm to select and cut our tree, decorating it and decorating the house. But not this year. This year our stockings are hung on the mantle, but only because I wanted to hang my dogs' stockings (yes, my dogs each have their own stocking) and mine and DHs were with them. I have no other decorations in my house. My tree is up, but has yet to be decorated. I water it every morning, and think, maybe today we'll put some lights on it...but we never do. I have TONS of outdoor decorations, but all of them are still safely stored away in the basement, save for some wreaths that were with the stockings that I hung on our outside lights.

I'm not really sure why we're just not into it this year. It could be partly because of the horrible economy...it's partially to blame for money being tight. I'm not sure. All I know is Christmas is 2 weeks away and I just today purchased gifts for my sister and her boyfriend. I haven't gotten DH anything yet, nor have we bought for my dad, his parents or any of the friends we are exchanging gifts with.

I really need to get into gear and get moving, but for some reason, it just doesn't feel right this year...and I can't explain it.

Failed

I failed my 1 hour glucose test...and the 3 hour.

For my 1 hour test...normal would have been between 65 and 180. I came back at 182.

For my 3 hour test...normal would have been between 65 and 140. I came back at 45! Too low! So I'll be seeing the dietitian at the hospital. With my PCOS, I know I'm insulin resistant, but still. I thought I'd pass the 3 hour.

I'm really bummed this morning...

18 Weeks - 2 days late

My 18 week milestone has come and gone without incidence. Sometimes I think I feel the baby move...other times I think it's just my imagination. I can't wait for the definitive kick. I'm still not really showing, and that bums me out as well...but I know I still have plenty of time.

I had my 3 hour glucose test yesterday. Other than it being really boring, it went by without a hitch. I did get a little jittery at the end and really needed to eat something to counter act the 100g of sugar, but that was all. I should find out next week if I passed or not. I hope I do.

Other than that, not much else is going on here. I'm anxiously awaiting the 17th when I can hear baby's heartbeat again...I'm so nervous that something has gone wrong and that we won't hear anything, but that is the paranoid IF in me.

Racing Heart

So I'm sitting here at work and my heart is racing. I'm not doing anything strenuous...I took my pulse and it's 98! Normal for me is like 70! Anyone else have a rapid pulse during their pregnancy?

Thanksgiving was great...my turkey came out juicy, the broccoli casserole was divine, the potatoes weren't lumpy....but the best part was the PIE! Dutch Apple Cheesecake! Yummy!

Saturday was spent lying around the house and doing laundry...nothing extravagant.

Sunday I made my first purchase at M0therh00d Maternity. 1 sweater, 1 tshirt, 4 blouses, 1 pair of dress pants and 1 pair of jeans. $170.00 later I was on my way. Most of what I purchased was red tagged...so I would have spent a LOT more if it hadn't been. The jeans were SO comfy when I tried them on...I wanted to wear them home, but I didn't. I was hoping I wouldn't have to get maternity clothes for a little while longer, but my ute has successfully pushed my stomach up, so I now have a larger pooch just below the girls. I wouldn't say I look pregnant yet, just fat. But my DH says otherwise.

I did fail my 1 hour glucose test...I go for the 3 hour on Thursday. Boo Hoo!