Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Random thoughts

Our Christmas tree is officially decorated. When DH got home on Saturday afternoon, we started putting the lights and ornaments on. I was VERY emotional while we were doing this. I don't know why, but every ornament that was chosen to be put on the tree made me tear up. We had turned off the TV and put on some Christmas music...I guess the ambiance just made me so grateful to be where we are. After the tree was decorated, and because I was all emotional, I wanted to take some pictures of DH and I in front of the tree. So we did, and we took pictures of the dogs. I'll post some as soon as I upload them.

On Sunday, we went to a local furniture store and purchased a recliner for the nursery. We had looked at all kinds of gliders, but the ones we liked were all in excess of $500, when you add in the cost of the ottoman. We decided we would rather purchase a recliner that we can move to another room and use later instead. So we got a Lane recliner...and it cost us less than $500. DH picks it up tomorrow.

My 20 week appointment is tomorrow. I REALLY, REALLY want to have an u/s done to find out the sex so we can surprise people for Christmas, but I'm not scheduled to have my anatomy scan for another 3 weeks...we have to see if we can convince this OB to allow it...the other OB in the practice told us no at 16 weeks.

I was supposed to see the dietitian tonight regarding my failed glucose test...but she had to reschedule for Thursday night. So my appointment was changed to Thursday at 7pm.

I have been feeling what I think might be the baby moving around, but I can't be sure. I also still have to pee every few hours, and don't make it through the night very often without having to get up to go.

I know I should be enjoying this pregnancy, after all, Lucky is our little miracle. The only embryo out of 22 eggs to have made it. But I can't help but feel like this could be taken away from us at any moment. I'm afraid to enjoy this. I'm afraid of every appointment. I'm very pessimistic about this whole thing. I WANT to enjoy this...I WANT to.


Denise said...

Don't beat yourself up. I would think something was wrong with you if you were all happy-go-lucky through this pregnancy after what you've been through. Just do what you have to do to get through it and hopefully you'll be able to relax a little bit more as time goes by.

s.e. said...

Amy, I believe you are enjoying this more than you realize. Our experiences have tainted the pure bliss but I also think you have gained so much more of an appreciation for the true miracle you have.

It was touching to picture you all teary-eyed finally decorating your house. I hope you continue to find the spirit and that your appointment tomorrow allows you to give nice surprises this Christmas!

Mo and Will said...

Everything you're feeling sounds pretty reasonable to me, given your experiences.

Enjoy your tree and your last Christmas season sans baby!


Familyoftwo said...

When you go through infertility and infertility with those around you, you know everything that can and does go wrong. Its very difficult to just "let it go" If this was a "spontaneous" pregnancy the first time you tried then it would be different...but as you said Lucky is a miracle, and that makes it all the more aware of all that can occur. You are not crazy nor are you alone!