Thursday, October 21, 2010

Good news and Bad News

Well, the good news is there is nothing visible in my tubes.

The bad news is there is nothing visible in my uterus either.

My RE still seems hopeful. My lining was nice and thick at 10mm...but there was no visible gestational sac. I'm 5w1d today. She said normally between 5w and 5w5d is when the gestational sac is visible. But the fact that my hcg levels are still low is cause for some concern. Not crazy concern...but some.

We're hoping at this point that since we did transfer 2 back that one started implanting right away, which gave me the positive hpt so early, but didn't make it...and that the other one started implanting late and that's why we can't see a sac yet. She said to remain cautiously optimistic...but that's so hard to do.

I keep thinking that: if only we hadn't said anything to anyone...if only I didn't miss that morning's progesterone suppository...if only I had rested more after transfer...if only I had been more excited about this cycle...if only I hadn't been so consumed with how Lexi would take to being a big sister...that maybe we'd have a different outcome.

I know that's silly. In my head I know that there is nothing I could have done differently. Nothing that I did caused this to happen. But tell that to my heart. It was so hard lying on the table being wanded...the tears just started. My u/s tech, Patty, is so nice. She told me there was no reason for tears yet. That things COULD still work out.

I'm trying to hold out hope that she's right...that when I go back on Monday there will be the start of a sac...but it's not an easy feat. I'm leaving my ticker up for now. If I have to take it down next week, it will be replaced by something to remember this cycle by. I'm still PUPO. I just have to remember that.

11 comments:

Thomas said...

I'm a longtime reader, but don't think I've ever commented before. When I was pregnant with my son there was nothing visible in my uterus until much later than there should have been. When there finally was, we were told there was a good chance that it was a blighted ovum, because nothing was visible in the sac. My doctor gave me the option of waiting to see what happened as opposed to having a D & C, and referred me to a specialty radiology clinic, where finally a heartbeat and baby were visible at 8 weeks 5 days--long after they "should" have been. I'm hoping that what's happening with you is only that you're dealing with delayed implantation (or something else), and that soon you will see exactly what you're hoping for.

Paula

raisingmiles said...

Thoughts are with you this week while you wait.

And don't try to blame yourself.

Denise said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. When I first started reading this post, my thought was "isn't it a bit early to see anything on ultrasound?" I'm hoping that is the case. There is nothing you could have done differently to effect the outcome of this cycle. Try not to beat yourself up.

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

Im so sorry youre going through this! I had wacky betas with Trevor and the waiting was unbearable!! Keep your head up, Monday will be here soon and hopefully youll see a beautiful baby in there!!

Alyssa said...

I'm wishing for the best for you!

Mo and Will said...

Will be holding you in my thoughts until Monday. It completely stinks to be stuck in limbo until then. Hang in there. i hope the time passes quickly.

Mo

justine said...

We do what we can ... and at some point, as much as we want control, we have to let go. I'll be thinking of you, hoping you see something on Monday, but also hoping you can be kind to yourself if you don't.

Miss Ruby said...

Keeping everything crossed for you that come Monday, that screen shows you what you want to see!

xx

Delenn said...

I came here to wish you a Happy Birthday, and now I wish to let you know that I am abiding with you. I felt something was up when I saw your FB status--but I had not gotten to your blog yet. I hope that that little one sticks around and shows up!

Wishing you some peace this weekend.

cowgirltn said...

Praying it's just to early.

Michele said...

Praying for you...
LFCA