Monday, April 7, 2008

An Empty Room

Mel had an interesting post that got me thinking. In her post, she talks about the room in her house that should be her "future baby's" room. In reading it, and the comments that followed, it got me thinking about "that" room in our house.

DH and I bought our 4 bedroom house in December of 2006. At that point we had been trying to have a baby for 3 years the "natural" way. We had started seeing a RE in May of 2006, but hadn't undertaken any ART treatments yet. While we walked through the house, I remember us talking about each bedroom and what we will make out of it.

Our office would be the room closest to our bedroom. It is in the front of the house, the smallest of all 4 rooms and gets alot of natural light. Perfect for those days that I would work from home. The room farthest from our bedroom, tucked away behind the stairs would be the guest bedroom. Whomever stays in it would have complete privacy. This room is also in the front of the house and has a small walk in closet and is across the hall from the guest bathroom.

The last room, the one in the back of the house, snuggled in the corner, with the large walk in closet and large sliding window would be our child's room. Because it was in the back of the house, no street noise or imposing street lights would reach our sleeping infant. The large sliding window is situated in the corner of the room, a perfect place to set a glider for those nights when our baby just wouldn't sleep. The large walk in closet would be perfect to store all of the extra diapers, clothes and toys that he/she just isn't big enough for yet. It's proximity to the master bedroom and guest bedrooms would be perfect for the nights I stayed up and let DH catch some zzz's. I imagined where I would place the crib, dresser, changing table etc.

Then we did our first IVF, and I was so excited that we might actually be using that room. My mom even gave us the dresser/changing table/armoire that I had as a kid as a starter. Then we got our BFN. I would pass by that room and see the dresser mocking me. Now the room sits dark. The blinds are shut from the outside world, no light passes onto those walls. The door remains closed. It sits unused in darkness. An empty room that I long to fill.


Jen said...

I'm still too scared to pick out a baby's room in our new house. They are all planned out for other uses.

Dagny said...

I also have that room.

And I fear that I may never get to use it, it will just sit there empty as a tribute to what never was. ugh.

Denise said...

I know how you feel. We bought our 4 bedroom house just a month before you guys. And we actually have 2 baby rooms because we never decided which of the upstairs bedrooms by ours would be the nursery. They both still hold that possibility.

But I'm too superstitious to actually put anything baby related in those rooms. They sit pretty much empty other than a spare mattress and box spring. They are joined by a jack and jill bathroom that we use to bathe our dog. I did use one side of the bathroom to do my shots during our last cycle and that didn't turn out so well, so I've moved on to the guest bathroom. If this doesn't work soon, I'm going to run out of different rooms to do my shots in!

Familyof2 said...

Our baby's room is currently used for storage...and the door remains closed in our house too...soon we will open it...but not just yet!

Waiting said...

I hope you get to fill up your baby room soon, Amy. Try not to give on that dream.

Dr. Grumbles said...

I have that room, too.