Friend update

My friend's hcg levels have dropped. Her doctor doesn't believe this is a viable pregnancy. She has one more beta to check and an u/s to look for a heartbeat...but it looks like she is going to lose this pregnancy. My heart aches for her. She was SO excited. I never imagined that she would experience this. If I could take her pain I would in a heartbeat. She doesn't deserve this...no one does.

Prayers please

If you are friends with me on FB then you know I asked for prayers for a friend who is going through a huge uncertainty. I didn't want to "out" her there as to what is gooing on...

About 3 weeks ago, K got a BFP. Her first. So based on her LMP she shoukd be about 9 or 10 weeks now. She went this past Wednesday for her first ultrasound. They could see the sac and fetal pole...but no heartbeat. Her beta that day was 11,000. Well, yesterday she started bleeding. She went to the ER, and still no heartbeat. Her beta increased to 15,000, but the tech said she was only measuring around 6 weeks. Her progesterone levels were only an 11 as well. She was sent home on pelvic rest with a progesterone suppository prescription.

She is obviously nervous and upset. I spent most of last night trying to answer questions she had and comfort her. I believe in the power of prayer...so if you could say one for my friend K, I would greatly appreciate it....and so would she.

Weekend in Pics

We went to the beach on Saturday night. Lexi got a little TOO bold and fell face first into the water. She got up on her own with this expression.

On the beach.

We went to the zoo on Sunday.

We saw the dolphin show

she rode the merry go round

And we saw the pretty butterflies!

Thoughts on cloth diapering

I have been cloth diapering Lexi for about 2 months now. I only wish we had made the switch sooner.

When I was pregnant with Lexi, I had told DH that I wanted to cloth diaper. He was onboard for both the economical and environmental reasons I gave. Now, I will fully admit, I had NO CLUE when it came to cloth. I googled "cloth diaper service" and was given really only one option. A service that would bring diapers (prefolds now that I know the terms) every week and pick up the dirty ones every week. The thought of NOT having to wash diapers was really appealing. But the more I thought about it...the less I really wanted to pay a monthly service fee...I mean, I could buy disposables for just a little more each month. So I dropped the idea.

We used Fisher Price Happy Days and Happy Nights almost exclusively from the time Lexi was about 2 months old (when they first came out) until about 2 months ago, when we began the transition to cloth. Though the FP diapers are still my number one choice for disposables for when we travel...and Lexi still wears a Happy Night disposable to bed each night. When I finally made the decision to switch...I felt like a new mom all over again. I still had NO CLUE when it came to cloth. All I knew was that there were other options out there that weren't prefolds...and I only knew that because I read about them from all the cloth diapering mommy bloggers out there. So I started looking online. And got overwhelmed. So many options. So many different styles. How would I ever pick the "right one"? Luckily, there is a cloth diaper store, Cutie Poops & Bottoms, not far from my parent's house, so I made a trip there.

Walking into this store was like walking into another world. I was bombarded with styles and options...pockets, prefolds, all in ones, one size, fitted, covers etc etc etc. But the women who worked there must have seen the fear in my eyes and demonstrated each diaper on a doll for me so I knew what my options were. I walked out with a Thirsties pocket diaper, a Fuzzi Bunz pocket diaper, 12 prefolds, and a Thirsties diaper cover. I was SURE I would want to use the prefolds. HA! They currently reside in my ottoman...my mom uses them on Lexi. They are just too complicated for me.

So needless to say, I don't use the Thirsties diaper cover. I also choose the Thirsties pocket diaper last out of my growing stash. I'm not fond of the velcro. The laundry tabs rub on Lexi's skin and cause red marks. But I LOVE the Fuzzi Bunz pocket diapers. I currently only have 4 (yes, I'm washing EVERY night) but use them daily (along with the G diapers with the cloth inserts I have). I just ordered 2 more FB pockets and decided to try 2 Happy Heiny pockets. They have yet to arrive so I can't say how well I like them or dislike them.

I really want to try all in ones...but can't seem to find any that are one size and have snaps. Am I missing them in my viewing of the websites?

All in all, I'm glad we are slowing moving to only cloth. The nighttime will be the last diaper to transition. Lexi sometimes soaks through a cloth a naptime...so I can't imagine how wet she'd be overnight. I still buy disposables...for the days we travel to the zoo or don't want to have to lug home a bag of dirty diapers (and let's face it, I don't have enough yet to do that)...but they last alot longer.

My newly pregnant girlfriend is thinking about using cloth. She, like me, only knew of the prefolds of our babyhood. I'm slowly exposing her to all the different options out there.

Diapers and Coats

I pulled out Lexi's coats from last winter...just to get an idea of what I have to buy (yes, I know it's only August...but c'mon...Halloween costumes are out already (Lexi will be Tigger!)). Can you believe that her coats still fit her? I had purchased 12 month sizes last year...and while they were a little loose on her, I didn't think they would still fit. But, they do. Not sure if that is a good thing.

I ordered more cloth diapers today from Kelly's Closet. 2 Fuzzi Bunz, which we have been using for the last few months and 2 Happy Heiny's. I've not tried Happy Heiny's yet so I'm excited for them to come. I'm such a nerd...cloth diapers excite me.

I know I shouldn't do this

but I can't help it. Is it wrong that I've pulled all the dates from our successful IVF in 2008 and "mapped" out what this cycle should "look like" if everything remains as it was then? Like, I know when my first Lupron shot "should" be. When ER "should" be. When ET "should" be. Even when my beta should fall. If all goes well, my beta will be while I'm off work for a week, but towards the end of the week.

I know I'm setting myself up for disappointment here...though I guess there is really no harm in guesstimating when things will happen. You could say the planner in me wants to know. But that would be a lie. The real reason? Well, with all the above info...I can calculate an EDD. Yes, I know...shame on me.

Talk me down people...talk me down!

Happy 3rd Blogoversary to me

It's hard to believe that I've been blogging for 3 years. 3 years of incessant ramblings. 3 years of ups...3 years of downs. In these 3 years I've went from someone who was afraid she'd never be a mother...of feeling like a failure, to someone who sees herself in a 16 month old precocious little girl...who feels like nothing else matters in the world when she looks up at me with her big blue eyes.

It seems ironic that August 13th is the day I chose to share my thoughts with the world 3 years ago. On this date 2 years ago, I was undergoing the egg retrieval that would result in my daughter. Today, I begin birth control pills for what will hopefully be another successful cycle.

And while August 13th is just another day to most people...it's a day that will always be special to me.

RE Appointment

I had my RE appointment today. It was what I expected. I met with the doc for about 20 minutes and we discussed my last pregnancy and Lexi's birth. We also talked about the protocol and the fact that it worked for me...so no need to change anything there. Then she asked when my last period was...and can you believe I was able to tell her last Tuesday? Yep, that's right. The gods threw a bone my way and my appointment actually fell on CD3. So I had my blood drawn and my ultrasound done right away. And can I just say...OW! I don't remember the dildocam hurting so much. The tech had to actually press on my stomach to get a good view my ovaries. I guess everything hasn't gone back to "normal" since Lexi's birth. I received a pak of bc pills and will find out tomorrow if I'm clear to start them. DH has to have an SA done and his infectious disease blood work as well. And I have a saline US scheduled for Sept 1st. I also brought home all the legal paperwork today.

So....Oh. My. God. We are actually starting another cycle! My mind is in a fog right now. I didn't expect to be having CD3 bw done today...things are moving quickly. I'm both happy, nervous and anxious about that. But in a good way. Oh. My. God.

16 months

Dear Lexi,

Happy 16 months sweet girl! Mommy doesn't even know what to say...16 months already. You are 16 months going on 16 years! Your little personality has blossomed. You are independent and want to do things all by yourself, but always look to see if Mommy or Daddy are there watching. You are strong willed. And even though you don't have any words yet, you know exactly how to get your point across.

We've been using cloth diapers for a little over a month now...and I can't believe we didn't make the switch sooner. I love them. And I think you do as well. You've switched to Almond Milk as the therapist believes your constipation may be the result of a food intolerance to dairy. It's been almost 2 weeks, and I haven't really noticed a difference, but you will drink the Almond Milk cold...something you wouldn't do with whole milk.

You went on your second vacation this month. Wisconsin Dells was allot of fun and you thoroughly enjoyed the water parks, the Ducks, feeding the Deer, even the Jet Boat...which I might add you SLEPT through! Crazy girl.

You are eating better this month. We haven't offered you any baby food...everything these last few weeks has been finger foods that you feed yourself. Could that have been the issue? Who knows.

So, we've had a talk, you and I. About the possibility of a brother or sister for you. What do you think? I know you love babies...every time you see one on TV you point and make a noise that I can only interpret as "look". Mommy has mixed emotions. I want so badly for you to have a sibling to grow up with and play with. But is 16 months enough time as "my only"? I don't think you care at this point in your life, it's Mommy that needs to work out the "mommy guilt" issues.

All I can say to you is that no matter what happens in the future. Whether you remain "my only" or not. Whether you remain my angel, or turn into a holy terror. Whether you become a doctor, or decide college isn't for you. I will love you. I will always love you.

Love,

Mommy

Misc Ramblings

• Lexi has been eating better. When we went to the Dells, I didn't take any baby food, so she was "forced" to eat table food. Though she still prefers mac n cheese and spaghetti and won't eat meats


• I tricked her yesterday and gave her spaghetti squash instead of regular spaghetti. She didn't seem to notice the difference


• Lexi doesn't like hummus. Enough said


• My girlfriend stopped over on Saturday. She was showing me pictures on her camera of her flooded yard from when we were on vacation...the last picture was of her in a T Shirt that said "Bun in the Oven". Yep, she's expecting. Due in late March/early April sometime. I'm happy for her and her DH. But her news made me want a newborn again even more.
• I'm happy I get to look at this face everyday and that I was able to spend a whole week with my little one.


• 

Vacation 2010

We took a few days to head up to Wisconsin Dells this past weekend for some waterpark fun. I haven't been there in 20+ years, so it was amazing to see how different it is now. Different but still fun. Lexi was great in the car for the 3 1/2 hour ride going up there...happily playing with her Auntie who joined us. She slept the entire trip home. I guess all the lack of naps and sleep at night caught up to her. She didn't like sleeping in the hotel crib...waking up both nights at 3am screaming until we brought her in our bed. She has slept all night since we've been home (2 nights now). Here are some photos

Wiped out after a day at Mt Olympus

Riding a mechanical bull at the Deer Park

Riding on the original Wisconsin Ducks

Going down the waterslide all by herself

Chillaxin in the toddler pool at Mt Olympus

Waterpark fun

Sound asleep on the JET boat!

Feeding goats at Mt Olympus

Feeding the deer at the Deer Park

Feeding the deer at the Deer Park