**Warning - pg mentioned**
I received confirmation today that my cousin is pg with #2...she sent me an email telling me all about her Thanksgiving and Black Friday experience...the very last line reads "More news to share. I'm pregnant..." I don't know how I'm supposed to respond...Congrats? Glad one of us is part of the fertile world? Part of me is pissed that she didn't have the nerve to tell me over the phone or in person, but the other part of me is happy that I didn't have to look at her or respond right away. The email gives me a chance to get my first reaction of crying my eyes out, out of my system. It's so hard to know that she's going to have 2 before I have one...and we've been trying longer!
I feel like I'm such a failure. I keep thinking "Why me?" What did I do wrong to deserve this hell? The most basic function of being a woman, the ability to conceive, is one that I don't have. I feel like less of a woman...I can't really describe it any other way. It's getting harder and harder to maintain a smile on the outside while I'm falling apart on the inside. This blog is my only lifeline...the only outlet I have. My DH doesn't even know it exists. I hate what my life has become since this IF hell took over.