Happy Birthday to me! (One day late)

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 31. When I was 21, I had hoped to be married and a mom by 25. When I turned 25, I had hoped to be married and a mom by 28. At 28, I was married, but not a mom. As my 31st birthday came and went, I didn't think about being a mom...at least not as obsessively as I have in the past. I enjoyed spending the day with my DH...we both took the day off work. We ran errands and DH made reservations at Harry Carey's for dinner...but it was a laid back, peaceful day. One that was only marred by an under cooked steak, but which was easily remedied. It was the first birthday in a long time that wasn't plagued with the thought of getting older and not having a baby. In fact, I've decided to teach myself how to crochet. Don't laugh...I've done needlepoint, but my eyes are so bad now (I wear bifocals) that it's hard to continue. I want a new hobby. Crocheting is it.

Enlightenment? No, just positive thoughts.

In my last post, I talked about the 3 wonderful ladies in my cycle group who all have gotten their BFP's. Well, as I've been catching up on my blog reading, I learned that some of my fellow bloggers have gotten their BFP's as well. Initially, I wasn't sure how I felt about all these BFP's happening around me when DH and I are stuck in cycle limbo. The more I thought about it, the more I've realized how genuinely happy I am for these women who have suffered the perils of infertility just like I have. Why shouldn't I be happy for them? The only obvious reason I could come up with was "They have what I want". But that's not reason enough to begrudge someone the happiness that I long for. I'm not "that" kind of person.
While I know that positive thinking isn't going to get me pregnant, I also know that negative thinking is not good for the psyche. So I'm going to try to throw out the "Why them and not me?" attitude and focus instead on all the happiness I do have in my life...I have a wonderful, loving DH who would part the seas for me if he could and whom I love more than anything in this world...I have a fulfilling job that keeps my brain active and alert (not to mention pays the bills)...I have a beautiful home and great neighbors...I have a sweet and adorable 17 month old godson whom I love to death...I have a playful dog ...supportive friends.... I know that ONE day, we WILL have the baby that we yearn for.
I have to take things one day at a time...each day that passes is one closer to my dream fulfilled.

Left Behind

I am a little sad today. But I am also very happy. Aside from this blog, I also post on another infertility forum, and have gotten to know some of the women there. I regularly (ok, semi regularly) post on a thread where 4 of us were cycling around the same time. One got her BFP early in the spring...another just about a week or so ago...and the third POAS a few days ago and got a positive. That means, I'm the one "left behind". Now, don't get me wrong, I love these ladies and am very happy that they finally got there, but I also can't help but feeling a little jealous and sad. Now I know what all those VET posters meant when they explained how it felt to be the only one in their "group" to not get pg. I'm feeling that now. Like my heart doesn't know what to do...it's alternately breaking and swelling with happiness for these women, my friends. Can that even happen? I feel like someone is playing with the happy button today...

A Wedding Reception...2 years in the making

As I stated in a previous post...DH and I got married 2 years ago in Maui. We never had an "at home reception" until this weekend. On Saturday, DH and I hosted 60 people in our backyard. Let me tell you...I will NEVER do it again. I was exhausted! My parent's came out on Thursday night to help me since DH was working Friday and Saturday. Friday was spent shopping, setting up tents, tables, chairs, making salads, prepping veggies, making dips. It was non stop! Saturday morning I was charged with making the pasta, picking up the keg, getting the ice. All this while cleaning the house! Party started about 3 and the last people left at 1am. I had SO much food leftover! We were expecting 80 people, and obviously, some didn't show. I was giving food away at the end of the night to people otherwise I would have had to trash it. There was no room in my fridge!

I don't know how people do this. I thought I'd save some bucks by catering the event myself (and I did), but it was SO NOT WORTH the headache (and backache, and foot aches etc). If I ever get up the courage to host this many people again, I'll spring for a party planner and caterer!

Don't get me wrong, the party was fun, and it was great to see all my family and friends. We had a good time (drank the whole keg and then some!), but it was tiring. We received some great gifts (which weren't expected), but I'm still cleaning up.

So when's the next shindig? Who knows...probably New Years! I'm a glutton for punishment!