A new journey begins

Last Monday, May 23rd, I started a new journey.  One that I hope KNOW will bring me happiness.  The weekend prior, I had an "aha" moment that brought me to tears.  You see, I was at the playground with Lexi.  And she wanted me to chase her...simple task, right?  You'd think.  But I couldn't.  A minute or so of running and I was winded.  I couldn't play with my daughter because...I was FAT.  It was all I could do to walk her home without sobbing.  I had spent 5 years trying to get pregnant.  Trying to have a child.  And now I have her and I can't play with her because I chose to eat burgers and pizza instead of healthier options?  I was so angry with myself. 

I still am angry...but I decided to DO something about it.  I WANT to be able to play with my daughter.  I DON'T want to be the mom on the sidelines.  I WANT to be involved.  And I can't do that at 243.6lbs.  So a little over a week ago, I started a "diet".  And I use that term lightly.  I'm not following WW, or Jenny, or Nutri System.  I'm doing good old calorie counting and exercise.  I signed up for My Fitness Pal, an online calorie, nutrition, exercise journal, and was SHOCKED at the calories/fat in some of the things I ate on a regular basis.  I made the commitment.  I was going to do this. 

Last week was hard.  I'm not going to lie.  I walked 1 mile on Monday and Tuesday...ate within my nutritional allotment.  Wednesday night I thought I blew it.  I had fried shrimp.  Savoured every one.  But when I came home and input what I ate into my journal, I realized that I hadn't gone over my allotments.  I had eaten so sensibly for breakfast and lunch, that even "splurging" a little that night didn't throw me into a tailspin.  End result?  I lost 4.2lbs last week. 

So while my new journey isn't about getting pregnant (well, it will be...IVF #4 is this fall!!)...it's something I need your help with.  I NEED people to motivate me.  I NEED to be held accountable.  I NEED people to ask me if I exercised this week.  If I'm not held accountable...I may slip more than I would WITH you.  Lexi is my motivation to do this.  I want to be able to play with her and be active with her...and set GOOD examples for her.