Catching Up

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.  I know we did.  We took Lexi ice skating on the 23rd in the city.  She had a blast...and has been asking to go back since.  She was actually able to skate a few feet all on her own before falling down.  Which is more than I can do!  I was on the ice in my sneakers!  LOL!

Christmas Eve was spent at the in laws as usual and Christmas Day we hosted here.  Santa...aka Daddy...came to visit Lexi and presented her with 2 very special presents.  One was the roller skates she had been asking for since Halloween.  She was so happy to get them she had to try them out right away.  The other very special present was her big girl bed.  Daddy had worked on it for a few weeks getting it painted, roughed up and decorated to look like an old rustic bed.  Her name is painted on the foot board and there is a lasso on it as well.  It's her "Jessie" bed.  She seemed to like it, but when naptime and bedtime came around that day she started out in the bed but ended up in the crib.  Monday she slept in the bed for nap and bedtime...and yesterday, while she was at school, we removed the crib from her room.  She slept in her bed last night with no complaints.  I hope she continues to do well in it.

I started Lupron on the 27th in prep for this cycle.  My parents are lending us the $1100 to cover the Cobra premium for January.  DH went today to take the post office exam...hoping something comes of it.  His old employer is contesting the unemployment and he had his "interview" with the local office yesterday...we should know if he'll get any benefits within a week or so.  The good thing is, if approved it is retroactive back to the 14th of December...so that first check will be nice. 

I'm still afraid of what's going to happen.  I still feel like it's not responsible to try to bring another baby into this world when we don't know how we're going to pay our mortgage...but I know we may never have another chance at this...and I know our financial situation is only temporary.  So I'm going into this cycle with the mentality that if it's meant to be, it will be. 

Whirlwind of emotions

OMG this week has just been a whirlwind.  If you recall, our IVF cycle was cancelled back in November because my TSH levels were crazy high...and I went on Dec 1st for repeat bloodwork.  TSH came back at 2.3, not below the 2 the RE wanted.  HOWEVER, the nurse had told me to get a letter from my Endo stating I was under her care and that she was comfortable with us proceeding and the nurse would see if the RE would sign off on a January cycle. 

I found out on Monday that he DID sign off on it.  So we were a go for an IVF in January...our insurance would lapse on 2/29/12 and we'd be done well before then.  Things were looking up. 

Then, yesterday DH lost his job.  His job that carried the insurance for the IVF.  So on top of the financial strain of losing his income, we were faced with not being able to do the IVF again because the insurance will now lapse at the end of this month. 

Then I think...HELLO!  COBRA!  Yes, the premiums would be astronomical, but it's still less expensive than paying for a cycle out of pocket.  And we'd only need it for January...to cover the ER and ET.  Everything else I can send through our other insurance carrier. 

But then I started thinking last night...maybe this was God's way of telling us we aren't supposed to cycle...I mean, it was cancelled...then he loses his job.  And what responsible people try to bring another child into the world when their own financial future is uncertain?  But then I think that we may not have another chance at this.  Even if he got another job tomorrow...there is no guarantee they will offer IVF coverage.  MY job doesn't.  That's why we took the 2nd policy through his job.  I want to move forward.  I really, really do.  My heart is saying YES YES YES...but the logical part of my mind is saying...THINK THIS THROUGH!

What would you do?

Oh...and my schedule for the IVF is:

Begin Lupron 12/27/11
Last active bcp 12/31/11
Baseline U/S 1/11/12
Start Stims 1/13/12
ER & ET week of 1/23/12

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I will still be here...just not right now.