Thursday, September 13, 2007

Thank you

First I want to say thank you to the few followers I have on my blog...your comments from my post yesterday helped me out of the trench I was in.

So out of one trench and into another...DH has a low testosterone level. Normal range is around 350, his is at 212. What does this mean? Aside from causing low sperm counts, it can also affect his health in other ways...muscle mass, bone density etc. He goes back next week to see the vampire again to draw more blood. Doc thinks DH will need to take Clomid (imagine that!)...but any changes in his sperm count won't be fully realized until at least 3 months from now. Which means we won't be cycling until next year!

I'm very upset about not being able to cycle...though I knew this was a possibility. It all has to do with the goal I set for myself at the beginning of the year...I wanted to be pregnant before the end of 2007....preferably before my 31st birthday, but since that's in a month THAT won't be happening. It's hard to think that I was 27 when DH and I started this journey...I know other women have been trying far longer than I, and my heart goes out to all of them...but it doesn't ease my pain today...only adds to it. I don't want to think that I could be joining their ranks, and that with each passing year, my chances diminish even more. As it is my FSH level is high for my age (I think it was 13 last I had it checked).

Anyway, I'm not trying to diminish anyone's experiences...we each have our pain and I'm respectful of that. I'm just afraid that we may not get another shot at this...


Fertilize Me said...

you are allowed to feel whatever way you want on YOUR blog _ Trust me, I had a hard time with that a few days ago- feeling like i was walkin on eggs shells. This is to be your therapy for you! SO bring it on, we can handle it! and will be there to help send some pick me ups in your honor! I turned 31 in July and it was NOT as terrible as 30 made me feel.(although it has managd to crush and or prolong some of my dreams)

Delenn said...

I'm so sorry things are tough for you right now. No individual's pain is equal, but we all can relate in someway to how hard it is to deal with infertility. I am 37 years old. We have been TTC since I was 34. When we had to wait for almost a year while I lost weight, it was really hard.

Doing any of these procedures is time consuming (while waiting to do it; waiting for things to work; waiting for results) and nerve wracking and its just one hurdle after another. I hope you and your husband get over this hurdle and the next. Time is still on your side!

Kami said...

Who thinks, "I am so lucky!" when we are grieving? Not me. It is ok to be sad and disappointed.

Regarding your previous post, I think e/o telling you that you ought to do something can make it even harder. I found hypnosis helped me change ingrained habits.

I don't know if this helps, but I tried so much to get pregnant - I have up dairy and wheat and "cold food" while doing acupuncture following traditional chinese medicine. I ate healthy, only walked, but did it daily. I meditated, did yoga for fertility every other day. I felt If I was perfect it would work for us. It didn't. At first I blamed myself for not being perfect enough. Now I realize that there are only so many things that you can control. Losing weight may help - and I hope you will have success for you own health if nothing else - but it may not help your situation at all.

Good luck in however it goes. I hope you are able to have a happy birthday too.

mary ellen said...

I am sorry that things are hard for you right now dear. I am thinking of you.

Denise said...

I know I'm posting on an old post here, but just had to say I totally understand on wanting to be pregnant by certain dates as I've passed by many of these in our journey. Btw, when is your birthday? I turned 31 on October 12th.