I'm overweight...this I know. It's partly due to my PCOS, partly due to my eating habits, and partly due to my lack of exercise. I know this...but I can't seem to bring myself to do anything about it. My doc prescribed Metformin for me...but I don't take it because it upsets my stomach...I have horrible eating habits...I don't eat breakfast 90% of the time, eat a quick lunch and then the only saving grace of the day is that I usually have a decent dinner. I can't seem to change that...I'll start off with determination, to change my habits, but within a week, I've reverted to my old ways.
I also don't exercise...I have a desk job, so I don't move around a whole lot during the work day...I have a 2 hour commute to and from work, so that's an additional 4 hours a day I can't move. I leave home at 5:45am and don't get home until after 6pm...then I make dinner so it's ready when DH gets home around 7. By the time we're done and everything is cleaned up, I'm exhausted from the day. We have walked around the neighborhood on days when he gets home early, but those aren't as often as I would need.
As I was pondering all these things today, I wondered if because I can't seem to change my habits, if that means that deep down I don't want to get pg? My heart and my mind tell me that's not true, but I know what the RE will say...you need to lose weight, change your eating habits and exercise more...and I can't seem to discipline myself enough to follow through.
Could it be that subconsciously I am waiting to hear the results from DH's tests today? To see if we can even proceed to IVF#2 with his sperm? to see if the results tell us that we would need to use donor sperm and I know DH isn't ready to make that choice yet? I can't seem to grasp why I can't seem to follow through on making the changes in my life that I know can only help me get pg in the long run...what's wrong with me?