Our marriage counselor suggested in our last session that I might want to consider "moving" the old baby stuff out of Lexi's room and into the basement so that I'm not bombarded with it everyday (it was all in her huge walk in closet). Yesterday, I started the purge with DH. I had 8 totes of clothes to go through. Separating them by sleepers, dresses, sets, onesies and separates. Saving the items that brought back the most emotion and memories. I have a tote of bottles and feeding paraphernalia. I have a garbage bag of coats and snowsuits. A bag of receiving blankets and crib sheets. A bag with the original crib bedding and bumpers. A bag of socks. A bag of shoes. A tote of miscellaneous items like mobiles and stroller netting.
I have one medium sized cardboard box filled with the items I want to keep and make into a quilt. It was easy to choose the items I wanted to keep. Just seeing an outfit brought back the memories of the tiny 6lb bundle we brought home from the hospital. The little girl who was 4 weeks early and so small that she didn't fit into any of the 0-3 month clothes we had on hand. The shopping trip to get preemie and newborn sized clothing that followed her birth. The familiarness of late night TV because of the sleepless nights that followed. Those were the same nights I would gaze at her in awe as some obscure program lightened the room. I couldn't, and still can't, believe she was mine.
I was in her room until after 9pm last night. It got emotional at times. Many tears were shed for the babies that aren't here...will never be here. Going through the tiny clothes was harder than I thought it would be...but the larger sizes were easier.
This morning DH is making space in the basement that will be designated for "sell". Either via that famous "list" or garage sale. All those totes will join that space. Along with the pack n plays, high chairs and swing. And when I'm ready, pictures will be put on the "list" and an ad will go out for a garage sale.
My baby isn't a baby anymore. And I have to come to terms that there will never be another baby.