Friday, February 8, 2008

Defeated

That's how I'm feeling. Like I can't fight anymore because everytime I throw a punch, I'm knocked back down on my ass by something else. I went for my colposcopy yesterday. And while the procedure itself wasn't painful, the outcome wasn't as I hoped. I have extensive cervical dysplasia. The GYN was "shocked" that I'd never had an abnormal PAP before. He took 3 biopsies and now I wait until March 5th to find out how bad it really is.

So on top of dealing with the hell that is IF, I have this to worry about. The GYN said that if I have mild dysplasia, there is no reason not to do another IVF cycle. However, if I have moderate or severe dysplasia, they will need to do further testing on my cervix...which could weaken it and prevent me from carrying a baby to term. The thought scares the shit out of me. Not only that, but the thought of cervical cancer at my age (31) scares me even more. I have so much I want to do in my life, I'm not ready for a diagnosis like that.

5 comments:

JJ said...

I am so sorry to read this post...I can imagine the fear you are feeling right now.
You are in my prayers!

Fertilize Me said...

Amy- Goodness. Juvst awful sad news. (because i wasnt completely sure what cervical dysplasia was, i googled it and found this: http://www.pap101.com/, of course I have no idea if it is helpful or not, but just wanted to pass it along! You are in my prayers

Denise said...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

~Carrie said...

Amy, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can only imagine how frustrated and scared you must be. I can't believe they can't get results sooner than March 5. I'll be thinking of you.

Rebecca said...

Arghhhh...you don't need this. You need anything but this. Keep us posted...I had a diagnosis like this when I was younger and went through a few procedures...hopefully they can work with you. Good luck.