Saturday, July 31, 2010


Sorry everyone...had to turn back on the comment moderation. Getting too many Chinese spam comments.

Lexi's feeding evaluation was Thursday. Long story short...she is where she should be as far as motor skills. The therapist felt that we need to keep offering her different foods and eat with her exaggerating our chewing. She also suggested that we take Lexi off whole milk and use a lactose free milk. Since Thursday evening she's been getting nothing but Almond milk...and I'm sure it's just a coincidence, but she slept 12 hours straight Thursday night and last night.

As far as the speech, yes, she has no words, but the therapist felt that based on the vocalizations she does make that she's on the right track. She asked that we come back next month to see where Lexi is at.

We were there for 2 hours. And while we didn't "find" anything...I received alot of great information and tips. The therapists were awesome...very nice. I'm happy that I took her. I look forward to following up again next month.

In other news. We head to Wisc0nsin Dells tomorrow for 2 days of waterpark fun. Can't wait!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Another whiney post

Monday night was not a good night. AT ALL. It seems as if we are regressing in our sleep again. Lexi did not sleep through the night on Sunday night...but I chalked it up to being out all day and overstimulated (and hungry since she DIDN'T EAT). But Monday night took every ounce of patience and strength to get through. Even at her worst as an infant, it was never that bad.

Lexi went down at her usual 8:30 Monday night. Quite happily actually. We told her it was bedtime and to "March" upstairs and she did so smiling all the way. She went to bed without any protest and was asleep by 8:45ish. Queue 11:30. The wailing began. She refused to be put down. We knew from our "tough love" nights that we wouldn't give her a bottle...but when she was still crying over an hour later, I decided I would take her downstairs. She happily sat on my lap browsing books until about 1:45am...when she happily went back to bed. Not bad so far. Just sleep deprived. Figured I would just work from biggie.

5:20am. Lexi wakes up crying again. I wait a few minutes to see if she'll settle back down. Nope...the crying turns to screaming...which turns into inconsolable sobbing. DH went to her with a bottle (figuring we'd hand it to her and she'd go back to bed), which she threw on the floor. He picked her up to try to console her...nada. She wasn't having it. I tried to console her and she would just arch her back and lift her arms to slide out of your grip. When I would let her down on the floor, she'd lay face down sobbing, then get up, walk over to me with her arms raised in that "pick me up" gesture, only to arch her back again when I would pick her up. She didn't want to be held, but she didn't want NOT to be held. She was crying so hard we were afraid she'd throw up. It got to the point where I had to physically restrain her by sitting "Indian style" with her in my lap and my arms wrapped around her, because she would throw her head back against me when I would loosen my grip. She finally calmed down around 6:30 after I had held her this way for what seemed like forever, singing calmly in her ear. She finally took her bottle and then slept until 9:15 Tuesday morning.

I have no idea what caused her to cry like this...she's had bouts of inconsolable crying in the past...but they usually only lasted 5 minutes or so. Not an hour. Never to the point of headbutting me. My chest still hurts from the blows I took. Someone mentioned to me that maybe she wasn't actually awake during this time. I hadn't thought about it. Her eyes were open...but I know that doesn't necessarily mean she was awake. How would you know if your child was "sleep walking" or was actually awake? Someone else mentioned Night Terrors. Could this type of crying be caused by a night terror?? It really freaked me out. I plan on mentioning it tomorrow at her evaluation...not that an OT or SLP would know. But they might have some ideas.

I just feel like we're moving backwards. She was eating at one point...and sleeping through the night. But she's regressed in both areas. Don't get me wrong, she's a SMART kid. She understands everything we tell her...even following our requests. She can pick out animals in her book (kitty v. doggie v. fishie) and helps dress her self, uses her toothbrush and hairbrush appropriately, uses the remote (yes she changes the channels to all the cartoon stations) and telephone, even knows which button to push on my laptop to make "Curious George" sing. I just don't know why these 2 areas are so hard for her. I hope we'll get some answers, at least to the eating, tomorrow.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Frustrated to tears

In preparation for Lexi's evaluation on Thursday, we have to keep a 3 day food journal of everything she consumes. Not what she is offered, but what she actually takes in her mouth and swallows. Do you know how HARD that is?

So Saturday we started her journal...and let me tell you, when you actually count out the pieces of food she eats, weigh it and write it down...IT'S NOT MUCH! For example, yesterday...Lexi CONSUMED 6 blueberries, 7 grapes, 11 pieces of cereal and 1/2 slice of cheese...ALL DAY. She also drank 18 ozs of milk. And I will tell you that the grapes, cereal and cheese were all eaten between 6:30pm and 7:30pm after I had a mommy melt down. To see that your child is bearing eating anything...really made me feel guilty. Am I offering her enough choices? Should I offer more food throughout the day? Is it too hot? Is it too cold? Should I cut it smaller? Is it too small for her to pick up? The questions and thoughts are endless.

I had Lexi in her booster seat at our table. I offered her some Gerber Stage 3 food...she spit out the first bite. Started to WAIL. Commence questions...too hot? too cold? She would not eat...kept pushing the spoon away and WAILING. I admit, I got frustrated...she had only eaten 6 blueberries up until this point, so I told her if she was going to act like a baby, I would treat her like one...and I put her in the highchair (which she really no longer sits in as she prefers the booster). More screaming. I offered her cheese. She threw that on the floor. So I took her out of the highchair and placed her on her feet on the floor...she proceeded to lie face down on the floor and scream. DH said just to give her a bottle. My response was that I knew that was exactly what she wanted and that I'm not giving in to her temper tantrum. I proceeded to walk away from her. She followed me and wanted me to pick her up. I ignored her for about a minute (or until my heart broke and I couldn't any longer) and picked her up. As soon as I did, she hit me. I immediately told her, more sternly than I meant to, that I would NOT tolerate her hitting me and that if she hit me again I would put her to bed.

DH got a bowl of cereal and grapes and put it on her little table she uses for coloring. She ended up sitting with him and ate her 7 grapes and 11 pieces of cereal while he read a book. Though I think the only reason she ate that was because he wouldn't turn the page until she ate a piece of something.

I just can't believe that I'm fighting with my child to eat. She gladly ate solids when we introduced them to her at 5 months of age. I just don't know what to think. I never realized before this weekend how little she actually consumes on a daily basis. No wonder she lost weight last month.

I know this entry is all over the place and a little incoherent. I'm so frustrated and sad right now. I feel like I'm failing her somehow. I know I'm taking the steps in the right direction in getting her evaluated...I just feel guilty that I "let it" get to this point.

Thursday, July 22, 2010


I did it. I've made an appointment with our RE for August 12th at 10:30.

How do I feel about this? Excited to be TTC#2...but nervous about jumping back into the stirrups again. I've been taking prenatals for the last month...and watching what I eat. Trying to gear my body up. But I still know that IVF is no guarantee. We were extremely lucky last time. I know that. DH knows that. But we both want another baby...and we have the insurance coverage to continue to try. The only thing we don't have a whole lot of is coverage for the meds. I think I'm down to around $3K available. So if this cycle doesn't work...we might be paying out of pocket for meds if we go again.

I can't believe I'm talking about cycling again. In one short week, it will be 2 years since we began the last IVF cycle we did. Running the dates in my last AF was around July 5th (yea, I know...I haven't been keeping track, can you believe it?) so I'm due around August 2nd ish. So they would most likely start me on BCP with my September period...take that for 30 it will be October meds, ER and ET...and a possible late June/early July due date.

Lexi would be just over 2 years old. WOW

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Update on EI services and a cloth diaper question

We had our intake interview with the service coordinator for Early Intervention for our state yesterday. Let's just say that I'm getting exactly what I'd expect from our cash strapped state...nada. The coordinator started the session by "informing" me that they don't DO feeding evaluations effective LAST WEEK. The state decided that feeding is a medical concern and not developmental...and therefore doesn't offer services. My thing? My child never DEVELOPED the ability to eat certain wouldn't that qualify as a developmental delay?

Whatever. Long story short...we've decided to private pay through Easter Seals. It's not that much (I say that now, but ask me again in a few months) at $25 per therapy session. It's all worth it in the end if it helps her. So the Easter Seals evaluation is the 29th.


So all you cloth diaper do you "store" your dirty diapers between washings? I have a wet bag and currently store them in there, but my laundry room is beginning to stink as well. Please help.

What color are you?

So I took THIS QUIZ today. Not because I'm in the market for a new roof...but because I was bored and it killed 5 minutes. But the results were interesting.

My color is is what it says about me:

People who prefer this most neutral of all shades are carefully neutral about life. You like to protect yourself from the hectic world, wrapping yourself in the security blanket of a noncommittal color. You prefer a secure, safe, balanced existence, and so, unlike the reds in life, you never crave real excitement, just contentment. It is important for you to maintain status quo.

You often make compromises in your lifestyle. You are practical and calm and do not like to attract attention. You are willing to work hard (the gray flannel suit) and to be of service. You are the middle-of-the-road type - cool, conservative, composed, and reliable. You are the solid rock of whom others rely. If this makes you feel a little boring, the consolation is that you often use a splash of color to make some sort of statement. So you really aren't all that dull!

Interesting...sounds like me.

Friday, July 16, 2010

To move or not to move

that's the question I'm facing. I have mentioned before that I commute 4 hours a day to work (2 hours each way) and that we are living paycheck to paycheck. We found a house last night that DH LOVES. I'm on the fence. Here are the details of both our current home and the potential new one...advice needed!

Current Home:
Commute time to work is 2 hours each way
4 large bedrooms
2.5 bath
Living room, dining room, family room
1/2 acre lot
Large open kitchen
Eat in kitchen
Large family room
Wood burning fireplace
Fenced yard
No mature trees (we've planted trees, but they are still small)
Built in 2006 so everything is "new"
2 story with full basement
City water and sewer
Carpet in bedrooms, living room, dining room and family room
Hardwood in hallways and kitchen
School within walking distance
Good school district
2 car attached garage
Gas heat
Central air
Walking distance to some stores
2 highways approx 5 minutes (driving) away

Potential Home
Commute time to work would be 1hr 15 min each way, 90 minutes saved
3 smaller bedrooms (not including one referenced below)
9x9 office in lower level and 9x11 "bedroom" in lower level
1.5 baths
1 acre lot
SMALL kitchen
Eat in area is very small, would need a very small table or eat in dining room
Living room, dining room, family room
Wood burning fireplace
No fence
Large Patio
TONS of mature gorgeous trees
Built in 1965
Hardwood floors in all bedrooms
Ceramic tile in kitchen
Quad Level
Well and Septic
$600 savings per month (roughly)
Lexi would have to take a school bus to school
Good school district
oversized 2 1/2 car attached garage
detached oversized 4 car garage on back of property
Hot water heat
No central air
No stores within walking distance
Closest highway is 20 minutes (driving) away
Lots of stores, restaurants within 5 - 10 minute drive

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Sorry, I need to vent.

I HATE insurance companies. As mentioned in my previous post, Lexi needs to have a feeding evaluation done. I called Easter Seals, who her pedi told me to call, and spoke to the occupational therapist. Basically, both the OT and a speech pathologist are involved in the eval...the OT will look at how she sits, breathes while sitting, what she does with the food (hand wise) etc. The speech pathologist will actually look to see what Lexi does with the food once it's in her mouth. The kicker? My insurance company won't pay for the speech pathologist portion of the eval...because Lexi isn't on the Autism spectrum or have a congenial defect.

WTF?? The problem lies with once the food is IN her mouth...and because my child is considered developmentally "normal" (whatever that is) they won't cover any therapy! In essence the insurance company is telling me that it's a behavioral thing that she'll "grow out of". Um, MY CHILD LOST ALMOST A POUND IN LESS THAN A MONTH, and you're going to deny her coverage??!! I'm BEYOND upset.

The only saving grace is a state funded early intervention program (Child and Family Connections or CFC), but get this, Lexi doesn't qualify on a feeding eval alone. CFC said Easter Seals does free feeding evals. I told CFC that ES told me they don't. So my saving grace? The fact that Lexi doesn't have 2 -4 words yet. She's qualifying under a speech referral, which will include the feeding eval.

So while I'm ultimately getting the services that she needs...I can't believe that I just spent my entire morning arguing with ES, my insurance company and CFC over this. I have a new found appreciation for those who fight this fight every single day on behalf of their kids.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

15 month UPDATED

Lexi's 15 month checkup was today:

Height - 31 3/4inches - 90%
Weight - 21lbs 4 oz - 25% (down 8 oz since June)

We have to have a feeding evaluation. Lexi still can't eat most table foods. She squirrels the food in her cheeks...and will NOT eat meat. And the pedi thinks her speech "delay" may be related. So I'll be calling Easter Seals to make an appointment...

Does anyone know what they do during the eval?

Update: I spoke to the OT...Lexi is tentatively scheduled for her eval on August 5th at 1:30pm.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

15 months old

Dearest Lexi,

Happy 15 months sweetie! You are getting to be such a little ham, er lady.

We took you to see the fireworks at Bicentennial Park on July 3rd. Last year you were way too little to enjoy them. This year you watched with wonder in your eyes. And mommy watched you with tears of happiness in my eyes. I was overcome with emotion as Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American" belted over the I'm so proud to be your mommy. You make me so happy. I love watching you see new things and learn new things. It's almost as if I can see the wheels in your little head turning.

You aren't speaking real words yet, with the exception of "MAM". And it's said with gusto...especially when we have you "prisoner" in the family room and I'm in the kitchen. You stand at the gate yelling "MAM" and I yell back "YEA"...this exchange goes on until I come let you out.

You point at all the things you want. And you want everything.

One thing you've started to do that I don't like is hit. I'm not sure where you learned it since we don't hit...but when you're mad you will swat at our've even knocked mommy's glasses off. We sternly tell you that hitting is not acceptable, and you usually will start to cry. I know it's your frustration at not being able to express what you want...but hitting will NOT be tolerated.

Mommy loves you SO much!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

4th of July

OK so I tried to get the pics at the end of this post, but blogger isn't cooperating...

Waiting for the fireworks to start

Still waiting

Still waiting


Watching from the best seat in the house, er park

At my Auntie's house

Don't mess with a girl's I Pad!

I know this post is a little late, but hey, that's the story of my life.

We had a great weekend. Filled with family, fireworks, friends and food!

Saturday ~ I took Lexi to the Splash Station. It's a local waterpark here. They open the park from 9:30am - 10:30am for "Moms, Pops & Tots". Actually, they only open the zero depth pool for the little kids. This session is designed for toddlers and babies. We can take them in the morning, before the sun is too strong, and before the park opens to the general public. It was Lexi's first time (since it rained the 3 Saturdays prior). She LOVED it. But I felt SO bad for her. The pool has a little area with "geysers"...basically, fountains that come up from the ground. There were 3 little boys, probably around 3 playing, and Lexi toddled over to play. Well, as soon as she got there, they moved to another fountain. Lexi followed. They moved again, and again. Lexi followed each time. They finally went into the deeper water where she couldn't go. She wanted to play with them but they wouldn't play with her. Made me sad. She also wanted to go down the tube slide...but again, she couldn't. I couldn't take her up the stairs and be at the bottom to catch her. And the other parent's were busy with their I didn't want to ask. Next week, my mom is going with us, so at least Lexi can go down the slide.

We also took her to see the fireworks Saturday night. I was afraid that the loud noise would bother her, but she sat back in her stroller and pointed and I think she liked them!

Sunday we spent at my sister's house. We took Lexi's little pool, so she got to "swim" and play with the fam. It was a long day, but she did good.

Here are some pics from the weekend.