Wednesday, July 30, 2008


Stole this from Bella's blog...

Answers must be one word:

1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your significant other? downstairs
3. Your hair? ponytail
4. Your mother? home
5. Your father? same
6. Your favorite thing? sleep
7. Your dream last night? none
8. Your favorite drink? coke
9. Your dream/goal? happiness
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your hobby? reading
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. What you’re not? content
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? baby
17. Where you grew up? Chicago
18. The last thing you did? work
19. What are you wearing? clothes
20. Favorite gadget? camera
21. Your pets? dogs
22. Your computer? two
23. Your mood? blah
24. Missing someone? always
25. Your car? broken
26. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
27. Favorite store? book
28. Like someone? husband
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. When is the last time you cried? yesterday

How I Met my Husband...part four

Let's see, where was I...oh yea. After that dinner, things were silent again. I want to stress that I continued on with my life. I dated other men, went out with friends etc. I didn't wait around wondering if he would ever call again. But he was always in the back of my mind.

We'd see each other one or two more times over the course of the next 5 years. But it never went anywhere other than those nights. But let me tell you...I knew I was head over heels. Sometime between the horrendous dinner and these 2 "dates" I realized that I was smitten with him. Even though I was living with my boyfriend, J, whom I'd been dating for about 5 years, I wrote C a letter in 2002. Basically, I told him that I loved him and that I was willing to leave everything behind for him. I left the ball in his court. My letter went unanswered, until the summer of 2003.

On June 16, 2003, I lost my grandmother. She had had a massive stroke in March that had basically took her from us then. She was bed ridden and on a feeding pump as she was unable to eat. I hate to use the term "vegetable" but that gives you an idea of the function she had. My grandmother was everything to me...she was my rock when I was a child and teenager. My mom and I didn't really start getting along until I had moved out and was in college, and my gramma was the one I talked to about everything with. Even after she had her stroke, I'd sit in the bedroom with her and just talk to her about things that were going on. I was angry with her after she died for leaving me with no one to confide in. J and I had been having problems since early in our relationship and I felt like I couldn't talk to him. Anyway, the day of her wake, who should walk in the door? That's right, C. He had heard from a friend of mine that my gramma had passed and, since he knew the nature of my relationship with her, wanted to pay his respects. Today, I firmly believe my gramma brought him back to me so that I wouldn't feel so alone. I hate to say it, but when I saw him that day, it was like everyone else disappeared. It was just C and I.

Over the course of the summer, we hung out and talked...and I started down the path that would lead to my breakup with J. I started telling J I was with girlfriends, when in fact I was with C. I'm not proud of how I conducted myself, but that's the way it happened. Eventually, my lies caught up with me and J found out what had been going on...and locked me out of our house. Now, I know what you're thinking...I deserved it. And maybe I did, but you didn't know J, and at the time, I felt I had no other options but to lie. I spent 2 nights away from home, unable to gain entry. On day 3, J let me back in...C was furious that I went back. I was so conflicted, I wasn't sure what to do. J was willing to forgive and forget, but was I?

Monday, July 28, 2008


I know you are all waiting for part 4 of my story...but I'm afraid it will have to wait a little longer. This weekend was so busy...we had company on Saturday and Sunday we went to Pierogi Fest. I didn't get on the computer at all till now. Today was my first day of jury duty as no PC access during the day. I only logged on to quickly check some email (home and work) and post this short blurb. I promise to get the next part up tomorrow or Wednesday.

On the cycle front...continuing with the Lup0n far I don't feel any different. I go back to the RE's office on Thursday and should hopefully start stimming then.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

How I Met my Husband...part three

I want to be clear that the calls just tapered off, and it was a mutual thing. It was hard to get together since I didn't drive and he now didn't have a car. The distance was also an issue. It wasn't like I could hop on a city bus or anything. However, over the 4 years we did speak occasionally. Usually it was me calling him, and him making some excuse for not being able to talk and never calling back. I continued to send him Christmas and birthday cards each year.

In 1998, a girlfriend and I moved into our first apartment. It was in a not so great neighborhood, and it took me forever to get to work (still didn't own a car), but it was our place and we liked it. That is, until 6 months into the lease, friend decides she can't afford it anymore and moves back in with her parents. Luckily, her dad took pity on me and sent me a check every month for friends share of the rent.

Anyway, it was during the time that I was living alone in that hell hole that C walked back into my life. Literally called me out of the blue. I can't recall what time of year it was, but I'm betting it was summer as we always seemed to have the summer flings. We only went out a few times this go around before the calls tapered off again. Are you starting to see a pattern here? I was.

After I had moved back in with my parents, C called one night wanting to have dinner. He was already near my parent's house and wouldn't take no for an answer. I ended up going, but talked about my then boyfriend the whole time. I was angry with him for coming in and out of my life and wrecking havoc each time. Needless to say, I didn't talk to him after that for quite some time.

How I Met my Husband...part two

Fast forward 4 years...the year is 1994...we've both graduated high school and it's the summer before I started college...a mutual friend of ours called me to invite me to a party he was having at his house. I was excited to go. I knew one other girlfriend who had moved away my senior year would be there and I was anxious to see her again. What I didn't know was that HE would be there as well. When I arrived at the party, my friend kept me outside and said "I hope you won't be angry and leave when I tell you this, but C (my DH) is here as well". My stomach immediately dropped to my feet. I hadn't seen C since before his family vacation 3 summers before...I hadn't spoken to him since that last conversation. What would I say? Would it be awkward? Would he still be angry? I needed a moment to compose myself as I hadn't really "gotten over" him. I had thought of C often in those years, sending him birthday cards and Christmas cards each year...each one went unanswered. "I can do this" I thought to myself. I followed my friend into his house...

Now, my friend is well over 6 feet tall, so when I stood behind him I all but vanished. When we got into the living room, he stepped aside to allow me to be seen. It was in that moment that I realized he hadn't given C the same courtesy of telling him I was coming as he did me. C's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw me. There were some awkward hellos, but as the night progressed, we seemed to fall back into the playful, flirtatious relationship we enjoyed years before. I learned that he was seeing someone, and I shared that I was single. We exchanged phone numbers at the end of the evening, and before I could even make it home, I had a message from him on my machine. I called him back and we spoke until the wee hours of the next morning. He told me who had said I cheated on him, and I gave him the facts. We were both sad when we realized that had we talked things out that day years ago, that things may have been different. But we were happy to be back in each other's lives. As the summer wore on, our relationship progressed again from friends, to dating. It was almost as if we picked up right where we left off. We would spend weekends enjoying the lakefront and it's activities and going out to comedy clubs.

That summer, it seemed like comedy clubs were popping up everywhere...clubs were giving tickets away, all you had to buy were 2 drinks. Since we were still "underage" at that time, we would buy 2 sodas. The one thing DH and I love to tell people is that we saw Dave Chapp.elle in person before he was big. We had gone to a club one night and sat in the front row with a bunch of our friends. Since we were a bunch of college kids we got picked on alot. It was fun.

Towards the middle of Fall...C was in an accident and wrecked his car. He wasn't hurt, but his car was totaled. We lived 45 minutes from each other, I didn't drive and eventually the phone calls became further and further apart until they stopped all together. It would be 4 more years until we spoke again.

How I Met my Husband...part one

I met my husband in the Fall of 1990. We were both freshman in high school, me at the all girl's school, him at the all boy's school across the campus. I can't really recall the exact moment that I first saw him...I do know that he was "dating" one of my friends from grade school and we were at a local mall. He climbed up on top of a huge dumpster and did a King K0ng impression. I thought he was the goofiest guy...weird too. I'm not sure how, but we became pretty good friends. We'd talk on the phone after school, mostly about whatever girl he was currently seeing, and hang out at the mall. Somewhere between that Fall and early the next Spring, I had developed a HUGE crush on him. But I would never, ever let on. I was the quintessential girl friend. I gave him a girl's perspective on life, and a shoulder to vent on. All the while I harbored my feelings. All the girls in my homeroom knew how I felt and each told me I should just ask him out. But I was so afraid that he wouldn't feel the same and that our friendship would never be the same. I needn't have worried. He asked me out in late April and we spent a glorious summer together hanging out at the pool and just enjoying one another. It all came crashing down when he returned from a family vacation in August. Someone had told him I cheated on him while he was gone (I hadn't) and he said he wished he had never asked me out. I remember clearly saying "Will having me out of your life make you happy?" when he answered "Yes", I simply said, "Whatever makes you happy" and quietly hanging up the phone. We didn't speak again for 4 years.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

IVF # 2 is underway

Last night I took my last bcp and first Lup0n shot of this cycle. The injection went without a hitch, as everything came back to me and it was like second nature. Scary isn't it?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

It's a go

Saw my endo yesterday, Dr. J, and while he did put me on thyroid meds, he said my levels were not at a point to cause him any concern about moving forward with this cycle. Since he really has no stake in if I go now or wait, DH and I decided we would go forward. So tonight is my last bcp and first Lup0n shot. I'm excited and nervous all at once. I can't believe we're actually at the point of cycling again. It's been a long 15 months.

On a side note, my cousin was expecting her 2nd (I'm godmother to her first). Apparently, she had the baby last Wednesday...but we haven't "officially" heard anything. I guess her DH called my sister's boyfriend and told him, who told my sister, who told my mom, who told me. But they don't know the name, or weight. I know she was debating between the names Aiden James (AJ), Connor James (CJ) and Logan James. I know I haven't heard anything because of a tiff going on, which I'll get into in another post, but still...

Friday, July 18, 2008

My old endo to the rescue

I saw an endocrinologist way back in 2005 when I first learned that I had multi-nodular disease (oops, forgot to share that part with everyone) that causes a small goiter on my neck. Most people don't even notice the goiter, including me, but my PCP, whom I LOVE and would recommend to anyone, noticed right away. The endo back then sent me for a thyroid ultrasound and a test (which name escapes me) where they "dye" the thyroid and view it under an MRI (I think it was an MRI) machine. They said my thyroid was currently functioning correctly and I should just follow up. Well, back then, I wasn't interested in following up and never did.

So today, after calling 3 endos in my area and being told that the earliest I could be seen was mid-August, end of September and beginning of October respectively, I hunted down Dr J's phone number through my insurance website. When I called, the receptionist was sympathetic to my plight and said YES, YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE CONCERNED! I now have an appointment on Monday at 2pm. I am breathing a little easier knowing I'm getting another opinion. My gut told me to go with what everyone who commented earlier said...and as much as I don't want to hold off this cycle, depending on what Dr J says, we may do just that.

Thank you again to gave me the courage to stand up and call Dr J.


First, I want to say Thank you to all who left comments regarding the thyroid antibodies. The consensus amongst everyone seems to be to wait on this cycle...and part of me agrees. The other part of me listened to what the RE's office said when I talked to them yesterday and is saying, "They are the experts, they're the doctors...". Basically, my RE is not concerned about the antibodies...she said while they can signal a problem in the future, they are more concerned about my TSH level...which they think is fine. But in thinking about it, I remember on my last cycle they wanted me to have a TSH below 3. Obviously, my TSH isn't near that at this point. I'm scared of making the wrong decision. I'm afraid of going forward and I'm afraid of holding off. I'm supposed to start Lupron on Tuesday...I just don't know what to do yet.

Update: I left a message for an endocrinologist in my area to call me back regarding setting up an appointment. DH and I will have to have a long talk tonight...but when I think about moving forward, my stomach gets all queasy. I take that as a sign...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

No news

I haven't heard from my RE's office today regarding my labs. I was so busy at work that I didn't have time to call them, and by the time I remembered...they were closed. SUCKS! So I will have to wait for tomorrow. I also realized last night that my pharmacy never sent me the, yea...that's kinda one of the most important meds...without it all the others go to waste. I'm also drawing closer to my lifetime max of $10K on meds. I'm at around $7,600. When I look at the report for what my previous RE ordered and what this one did...the costs this time are far less. Which I'm glad for...just wish I knew then what I know now. Hindsight's 20/20 right?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


This post is more for me to document what my lab results were than anything...feel free to skip it.

Test date: 7/15/08 (gave blood today that's why I have these numbers)
HGB - 13.2
B/P 110/80
Temp 98.6
Pulse 62

Test Date: 7/2/08
Glucose: 92 (normal is 65-99)
Total Cholesterol: 155 (100-199)
Thyroid Peroxidase (TPO): 485 (normal is 0-34)
Antithyroglobulin: 392 (norm is 0-40)
Thyroxine (T4) Free, Direct: 0.94 (normal is 0.61-1.76)
TSH: 4.117 (norm is 0.350-5.500)
Triiodothyronine, Free, Serum: 2.7 (norm is 2.3-4.2)

I faxed the results page to my RE, they are supposed to call me tomorrow.

I'm still spotting...requires a pantyliner now. I'm beginning to think I should postpone this cycle until I can get some answers on the Thyr0id thing. But I've waited over a year to move's so frustrating to be this close to starting again and having this crap thrown at us.

I've had more medical issues this year than I would have thought...abnormal paps, cervical dysplasia, HPV, arthritis, now this issue. UUUGGGHH! Someone please hit my "normal" button so that I can return to my "healthy" self!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Playing catch up

A few things:

1) I found out my tree was eaten by the Japanese Beetle. Yuck. My neighbors have had similar experiences with their trees (one went to water the tree and about 500 bugs flew off it) so our neighborhood H0me Dep0t has been wiped clean of traps. I managed to get one, my neighbor 2. DH put it on the fence yesterday, and by evening the bag was bulging with all the bugs inside. The good thing is the tree can come back...there are still green buds on the branches.

2) DH had a fabulous time at the race. The night of the race they had perfect weather as a cold front came through that afternoon. Temps were only in the 60s once the sun went down...and no humidity. He took LOTS of pics, but I haven't even looked at all of them yet. I know there are some pretty cool shots of the awesome sunset we had that night over the track.

3) TMI...I've again got mid-cycle spotting. Not enough to warrant a pantyliner even, but it's there when I use the bathroom. It's not red, but brown. This isn't fun.

4) I received a copy of the bloodwork that my PCP ordered for me on Saturday. My thyr0id antibodies were extremely high. Like 485, when normal is less than 100. My PCP only said to let my RE know. When I called the RE's office, they didn't seem concerned, but of course I had to consult Dr G00gle and found this article and immediately became concerned because I start Lupr0n next week for this cycle. I want to have every possible chance at a BFP, and now I find out 1 week before the start that I could have MORE issues than I already know I have?? Anyone have experience with thyr0id antibodies?

Friday, July 11, 2008

Arborists please help

Not sure what those people who know alot about trees are it arborists or botanists? Anyway, I need help. DH and I planted a Little Leaf Linden in our backyard last fall...and the tree has been doing well. It's only about 8 - 10 feet tall at this point, but today I noticed that ALL the leaves are brown. And upon further inspection, their not just brown, but have little holes in all of them. This leads me to believe that my beloved tree has some kind of disease...can anyone tell me what would cause this and what I can do to keep my tree alive?


No, I'm not feeling down and out. I'm just physically alone...for the whole weekend. See, its race weekend here...and fever has been bubbling in my small town. We're approximately 10 miles (if that) from the speedway and all I've seen today is RVs heading east towards the raceway. Now, the actual race isn't until tomorrow, but I dropped hubby off at 6:45 this morning with his buddies. They will be RVing at the speedway until Sunday. Luckily, the also have tickets to get into the race, so as long as the weather cooperates, they'll be trackside. It's not often that I'm home alone for long. I actually don't like being home by myself at night. Now, I know I have my 2 trusty canines to keep me company, but it will be strange not having hubby in the bed next to me. But I'll make the most of it.

I'm working from home today (missed my train b/c I dropped DH off) and tomorrow I'm supposed to spend the day with a girlfriend who just moved back into the area with her DH. Should be an interesting day. Sunday, I have plans with my mom...going to breakfast, shopping, and pedis. Lord knows I NEED A PEDI SO BAD! I'm embarrassed to take my socks off!

Anyway, that's about all I have for now...except that my meds should arrive tomorrow. Yippee! I'll post the obligatory med photo, but most likely not until Sunday as DH took the camera with him!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I've been summoned...

by the county I live in to serve as a juror. Normally, I would be happy to oblige, but the week I'm scheduled to be there is the week I'll be stimming. I have no idea if I'd be able to have all my monitoring appointments done by 7:30am. My county does things a little differently than the other counties I've lived in. They require you to serve for a whole week, or for the duration of a trial, whichever is longer. The best part is, you have to call each night to see if you are in the 8:30am shift or the 1:30pm shift or both. Not something a commuter can really do. So I'm going to have to plead "Hardship" this time around and hope that they can reschedule me for later in the year.

Now, onto more important protocol. Got my schedule in the mail the other day (I had them mail it since I didn't need injection training again). I will be doing the BCP/Low Dose Long Lupr0n protocol:

Begin bcp 7/2 - done
Last BCP 7/22
Start Lupr0n (10 units) 7/22 once per day btwn 7 & 10pm
Once I get my Lupr0n period I'll start stims on day 3
F0llistim 225iu & Men0pur 75iu once per day btwn 7 & 10pm
Reduce Lupr0n to 5 units daily
ER should be sometime around 8/12 or so
Night of ER - Begin baby aspirin
3 days post ER - PI0 injections and suppositories start (yuck not looking forward to this)
6 days post ER - Start Viv.elle patches
PG test will be 12 days after 3 day transfer or 10 days after 5 day transfer

Now I have to call my RE's office and find out when I can expect the big box o'love in the mail.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


As promised, here are some pics from my weekend...I'll do an actual post tomorrow with my cycle protocol...

This is a picture of the harbor on Lake Michigan looking toward the planetarium.

Some fireworks shots...

And finally some shots of the dogs enjoying splashing around in their pool...
This is the 7 month old...Buddy:
Both Buddy and Sox:

And another of both...that's Sox with his head in the water! They were having SO much fun!
And finally...because I'm a proud baby Buddy (Sox wouldn't sit still for a good photo):

Monday, July 7, 2008

I Love Vacation

and I'm always sorry when it ends.

Wednesday was RE day. We pretty much did nothing after the appointment...except I started getting things ready to leave.

Thursday morning was spent playing with the dogs since we wouldn't see them for 24 hours. This was the first time I would be away from the puppy for more than a work day. My dad had agreed to come over after work, pick up our car where we were leaving it at the train station (he was taking the train that was coming into that station anyway) and stay at our house for the night. DH and I took the train into the city...checked into our hotel (the Hard R0ck is VERY nice...small but nice) and proceeded to have dinner at this restaurant. We knew we weren't going to eat at the fest...too expensive. The fireworks were great. We had a front row seat (albeit a concrete one) on the lakefront for the show.

Friday we spent the day at the in-laws.

Saturday and Sunday were spent lounging around and playing with the dogs in their pool. I will post pictures as soon as I can upload them from the camera.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Cycle #2 begins

Went to the RE today to have my CD3 bw & u/s done. Though today is only CD2. My FSH levels were high again...12.3, compared to 9 in February. But they don't see any reason not to move forward, except I will be watched closely for OHSS. I start bcp this evening and will take 21 days, followed by 10 days of Lupr0n. So Lupr0n starts around 7/22. Then I will be on 75 of Men0pur and 225 of F0llistim. I had some Repr0nex left, but it expires in August. I donated it to the clinic in the hopes that someone who is stimming now can use it. We're tentatively looking at ER and ET around 8/12. It seems SO far away.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

I've never been happier

to have gotten AF! I've been a little nervous as I really wanted her to come Sunday or yesterday so when I see my RE tomorrow, I'd really be closer to the CD3. But she arrived about 15 minutes ago, so I'm hoping my RE will still be able to run all the CD3 work. I'm happy to be able to start a new apprehensive as I am, at least now, I feel like we're moving forward and not stuck in limbo.

More later.